On the first of July - with any luck - we'll be heading into the Open Beta phase of Improbable Island Season Two!  What does this mean?

It means that, with one month left to run, I'm gonna blow the lid off the much-rumoured Secret Feature and let you guys know some of the things that are happening in Season Two.  Read on for the full story!

In October, I asked you lot to sing the NewHome theme song.  It's now January, so I think it's about time to judge the entries!

The contest was announced on the first of October.  The objective was to make up a tune for the words to the NewHome theme song "NewHome is Full of Noobs," sing it, and upload the results.

Hit "Read More" for the sordid details!

We, the editorial staff at the Enquirer, have a special treat for our readers today.  After months of waiting, The Watcher has finally agreed to tell us a little about herself!

We originally wanted to conduct a questions-and-answers interview with The Watcher, but she said her work schedule was too erratic to make a solid hour-long distraction feasible.  Instead, she suggested that we leave her alone with her word processor, and she would type something up for us.  A couple of weeks and one or two phone calls later, we spent a merry afternoon picking our broken teeth up off the floor and agreed not to contact her again, and that it would be finished when it was finished.  It turned up on our doorstep yesterday!

Clarification: by "when it was finished" we mean "when the first part was done," by "our doorstep" we mean "the front flap of our rancid, urine-soaked tent," by "turned up" we mean "was wrapped around a brick and violently hurled through" and by "yesterday" we actually mean "in the middle of the night, accompanied by a sack of wriggling spiders."

We hope that you enjoy the first part of what The Watcher has chosen to reveal about herself.  We found that, despite the disappointing title and shoddy, half-English half-American spellings, the story was disarmingly honest, revealing and even intimate.  But then, she could be just making the whole thing up.

Hit "Full Article" to read part one of "I am The Watcher."

On the first of July, Improbable Island will come out of beta and into Season One!  What does this mean for you?  Read on to find out...

The gallery is closed, the Robots are in, and it's time to decide upon a winner!  It was a tough choice, but I hope a fair one (this is a lie).  Read on to find out who finished on top!

This is just a quick blog post to let you lot know of the most recent status updates on Improbable Island.

WEAPONS, ARMOUR AND EQUIPMENT
The hardest part of this was figuring out how much everything would cost.  I obtained the help of a good IRL (when did we have to start qualifying "Friend" with "IRL?"  Anyway,) friend of mine (who also happens to run a catgirl-orientated website) who figured out an algorithm for me.  I then tweaked it slightly to reflect the Island's unique quirks, and the result is that I can simply enter the equipment level, name, and effects, and the algo will tell me how much it'll all cost.
Thank you, Mr Sleep - without your assistance, this would have taken a damn sight longer.

Current status:
WEAPONS: Done.  Over 80 unique weapons, each more ridiculous and extravagant than the last.

ARMOUR: 60% done.  Over 50 unique sets of armour, some including life-support systems, some including automatic counterattack measures, some just plain silly.

GLOVES, BOOTS AND HELMETS:  About 20% done.  Most of this will be entirely new material.

The new Equipment table will not have any rarity values - Bill (I might sack him and employ a Sheila or Sharon or Shawn instead) will have an unlimited supply of each item.  When the new Equipment table is installed, you'll lose whatever equipment you currently have, and will gain a full refund of the original purchase price, which you'll then be able to use to buy new equipment.  It'll necessitate a couple of hours' downtime.

BUGFIXES
The PVP bug in the World Map module has been mostly fixed.  The upgrade will necessitate rebuilding the map, and I may take the opportunity to expand it a little.  Either way, it will result in a couple of hours' downtime, during which time I'll also apply the new equipment table.

The PVP bug in the Dwellings overview screen is still at "scratching-of-the-head" stages.


FINANCES
We're okay.  We're not stellar, but we're okay.  Don't feel as though we've got more than enough money so you don't have to donate - but don't feel as though we're gonna go down the toilet if you don't donate, either.  In short, you lot can keep up the current steady flow of donations, and we'll be good.


ADVERTISEMENTS AND PROMOTION
It's been a while since we've had a Newbie Tuesday, and the coffers don't quite stretch to a decent one right now.  Could I bother you guys to post a link in your blogs, if you've got one?  Ta.


AESTHETICS
I've made a new theme for Improabable Island, and will be releasing it soon.  This one will be ad-free, so it'll be for donators only I'm afraid.  If you're thinking of donating just to see this theme, please don't just yet - it's not finished!


MULTIPLE SERVERS
I've been thinking of running a more slow-paced server that resets once per month.  I'd run it alongside the original, for people who just can't get enough of Improbable Island as well as people who favour a less intense game.  Let me know if you think this is a good idea.


THE ENQUIRER
An Interview with The Watcher is coming soon.  I've been writing occasional annoucements as her, trying to get into her character, that kind of thing.  Expect The Enquirer to become more of a roleplay environment before too long.


So, um, yeah.  This is what I've been working on, Improbable-wise at least.  I'd say a bit more about what else I've been doing, but I don't think it'd be as interesting. :)

Have fun!

Until the DNS records are properly sorted, you can play Improbable Island at http://67.19.28.235.  Have fun!

UPDATE:  DNS records have now begin to propagate, and Improbable Island is now accessible from its standard domain name in the United Kingdom.  Other countries will follow soon.  E-mails sent by the game are still not being delivered, but this should be rectified within a few hours.

I've just got the warning notice from my host, telling me to either reduce the CPU load (probably by restricting the number of players allowed online at once...) or have the site disabled. To be fair, I saw this coming. I just didn't think it'd be so soon - the popularity of Improbable Island has surprised me.

In short, we need a dedicated server, and we need it this week. No, this is not an April Fool's joke.

The time has come for me to urge you to stick your hand in your pocket and toss me some coin if you want to keep playing. If you can spare a fiver, please send it my way.

By its very nature, Improbable Island must remain a free-to-play game. I'd rather take the whole thing offline and call it a day than start charging people to play it. So, as with everything on the Island, I'm asking, not demanding.

I've asked my host to give me a week to do a donations drive and get a dedicated server sorted out. They have yet to reply, so I've no idea whether I've actually got a week.

Remember, every PayPal donation gets you points that you can use to buy Unfair Advantages at the Hunter's Lodge.

Please use the "Site Admin" PayPal button, and send us however much you think is fair for your enjoyment of Improbable Island thus far.

I could also do with some recommendations of companies who'll rent me a dedicated server and take care of it. Post 'em in the Enquirer.

Thanks. Let's hope we're still here in a week's time.

UPDATE 3:40pm BST: Just phoned RackSpace.  Everybody knows that they're the best for dedicated hosting.  Unfortunately, they know that everybody knows they're the best, and have set their prices accordingly.  The guy I was talking to quoted me three hundred quid a month on a twelve-month contract, at which point I thanked him for his time and told him I might want to talk to him in six months.  Suggestions?

UPDATE UPDATE: My host says I can have a week to get my affairs in order, as long as the CPU usage doesn't spike dramatically during that time.  So we've got a bit of breathing space, but not much.
A big "Thanks!" to everyone who's donated so far.  You guys rock my socks.

UPDATE 5th APRIL:  Went with HostGator in the end.  Improbable Island will be on a dedicated server by Monday.  You lot donated a LOT of money.  Thank you. :)

We need ideas for weapons.  I'm gonna rebuild the entire Equipment table, weapons first, and I need at least forty new weapon ideas.  Read on to see how you can help.