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Some facts about CavemanJoe

  • CavemanJoe is the benevolent dictator of a small island country creator and administrator of Improbable Island. He is commonly referred to by the initialism "CMJ".
  • CavemanJoe is 25 years old.1)2)3)4)5) In dog years, that's 'dead.'6)
  • CavemanJoe is rumored to be the most manly of all manly men out there. Besides Meatwater.
  • CavemanJoe is a potted plant.7)
  • CavemanJoe's name isn't actually Joe.8)
  • Being Human, CavemanJoe's brain contains a lot of rather useful information and a particularly cruel sense of humor. Upon his death, this brain will be very carefully placed into a pauper's grave.
  • In addition, being Human means he wakes up every morning with a stockpile of ZAP, WHOOMPH, and BANG grenades. Not that he needs them, since having a banhammer strapped to one's belt is a lot like being Thor, the noted Norse god whose hammer Mjolnir can cause storms, and strike down fire giants. Also, The Hulk.9)10)
  • CavemanJoe is not a ninja.11)
  • CavemanJoe is hairy. 12)
  • CavemanJoe's hair started to turn grey13) after much drama in 2006. Since then, he has dyed it all sorts of strange colours to disguise it.14)
  • CavemanJoe is very bad at writing Wiki pages about himself.15)16)
  • CavemanJoe once made a half-pony, half-monkey monster to woo a girl. He achieved mixed results. Sometimes, late at night, he still wonders why it all went off wrong.17)
  • CavemanJoe uses his position as GM to try to control the vote in America. 18)19)20)21)
  • No one can remember if CavemanJoe's name has a space in it or not. Caveman Joe is a CavemanJoe impersonator who capitalizes on this fact, available for birthdays, bachelor parties, and bar mitzvahs. Call today and we'll throw in the "Ad-man" title absolutely free!
  • Case in point about the space thing: the page about CavemanJoe on the wiki used to be listed as Caveman Joe. It was like this for six years. He created the wiki page himself.
1) This information may be outdated. This page has listed his age at 25 for a while now. Like most Humans, he has probably aged. This is, in fact, true - CavemanJoe turned 26 on the 29th of July 2008, and nobody on the Island wished him a happy birthday. Bah.
2) But to speak in our defense, he didn't tell anyone this until mid-August, so it's not entirely our fault. Plus, do you know how hard it is to find a birthday card on this danged Island? There's not a Hallmark store anywhere to be found. Double-bah!
3) Two years and a Season or so later when this obstacle was finally overcome, practically everyone on the Island sang, danced, or shouted out birthday wishes.
4) CavemanJoe did not seem to put in an appearance at the party . . . but was afterwards observed eating some birthday cake.
5) CMJ note - fuck, I'm 31 now. Or is it 32...
6) 'Dead' is generally rumored to be a very bad situation.
7) Tobacco, we guess, given the prevalence of tobacco products in the game.
8) It's Caveman.
9) Only with a healthier-looking skin tone. The Hulk is an eight-foot-tall superhero with 200-inch biceps - would it kill him to stop by a tanning salon once in a while?
10) Having a banhammer strapped to one's belt is a lot like The Hulk? Does it wear little purple pants?
11) This is what you'd expect a ninja to insist, actually. But we believe him on this one.
12)
  • Code Monkey like fritos.
  • Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew.
  • Code Monkey very simple man.
  • Code Monkey also like donations to pay server bill, and players who say nice things about his awesome game coding. Sometimes Code Monkey even blush when reading nice things, but will never let on.
13) Not 'gray'.
14) With varying levels of success. His chartreuse phase was particularly unsuccessful.
15) Thus, pretty much every liar in the game has taken a shot at writing this page for him, except this guy. Someday we'll go too far and he'll abandon us to the Watcher's wrath. Oh, and 'someday' means 'next Tuesday'.
16) I'll take a shot when I well please, thank you. Now, pass the tequila.
17) She liked ponies. She liked monkeys. Honestly! - Women these days, with their fancy Hollywood expectations!
18) Which is really bad ass, if nothing else. Keep your politics to yourselves, though; they tend to generate massive amounts of drama and cross the line into 'flamey topics'.
19) Given that he succeeded in getting the response he wanted, it's thought that he should try to solve world peace through promises of Donation points.
20) After seeing the prior footnote, CMJ said 'Oh, okay then' and set up a distributed computing team for curing cancer, etc., via the World Community Grid. At time of typing, it has twenty-two one thousand, two hundred and twenty-one (as of 10/17/10) members already! We're not sure what they do, but we think it involves cake and tequila. Lots and lots of cake.
21) And even more tequila
 
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cavemanjoe.txt · Last modified: 2016/09/17 17:45 by Full Metal Lion