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Abstract

Where some clans help out Newbies, others meddle in the spread of improbability, one filches pants, and the IBHML provides support services to malignant types, the Guild's reason for existence is fairly simple and easy to accomplish: someone, somewhere, needs something broken or killed, and doesn't or can't do it themselves.

So the Guild will do it for them, instead.

The official description of the Guild is as follows:

Mad Scientists may devise wild devices, but who tests them? Evil Overlords and Noble Heroes alike know that sometimes, you really need an army, but where do they get them? And what do you do when there's an Improbability Drive wrecking the neighborhood, but no heroes around tough enough to stop it?

You call the Collateral Damage Adventuring Guild, that's what. Because for us, there's no such thing as overkill - only 'open fire' and 'time to reload'. Villains fear us because we fight dirtier than they do. Heroes loathe us because we get the job done, even if it means wrecking the countryside to do it. Mad Scientists love us, because we'll take any weird gizmo and field test it to destruction.

CDAG. Because sometimes, fire really DOES solve everything.

What're you waiting for? Come on in! Members get discounts on ammo for personal weaponry.

History

The former First Officer of the Guild put it more simply: 'The Guild does more damage by accident than most of the clans can do on purpose.'

Some of the more notable evens the Guild has been involved with:

*The creation of an animate rubber duck, which subsequently showed up a few weeks earlier in the hands of Snickerer. It has since gone missing, but is suspected of terrorist activities in the rubber-producing regions of the world.

*The emplacement of orbital particle cannons which have been used to raze Improbable Central on more than one occasion. The Guild leader professes to have no knowledge of their existence, despite numerous prior occasions of activating them.

*The distribution of tactical nuclear grenades to the general populace; one crackpot theory suggests the Reset occurred due to the Drive's fear of these potent weapons.1)

*The creation of a guitar and mini-amplifier powerful enough to create shockwaves of fusion-hot air, used to destroy the statue in Improbable Central and carve a glassy road to Kittania. which was later wrecked by a stray meteor impact.

*The ex-Guildmaster appears to be responsible for several transtemporal entities, having been the first such to become nonlinear. It is theorized that this has destabilized local spacetime to such a degree that the Reset occurs due to their collective meddling, in an attempt by the I-Drive to keep the entire Island from fragmenting into an infinite number of conflicting timelines where even it can't exist. An event involving a certain entity2) has since collapsed his waveform and obliterated his former dimensional matrice, leaving a single comparatively mundane Steam Engineer behind in the aftermath.

*Residences belonging to guildmembers tend to be utterly beyond the rules, even by Improbable standards. Areas around them are frequently clear of habitation due to regular 'catastrophes' from Guild members testing new equipment.

*The Watcher is an honorary member due to her adherence and encouragement of Rule 37, while Count of Saint Germain was recently also given honorary status for observing both Rule 37 and Rule 68 during his epic battle with the Watcher through the streets of Cyber City 404 during the Pilot.

Recent Investigation into the 'Guild' Activities reveals. Nothing. It appears all of our investigating agents have been caught in one of several nuclear blasts and other disasters around the 'Guild' HQ. 3)

It is thought the guild may be venturing into landscape gardening. This may, or may not be true. What is true is that a large number of the small building faults that infested the CDAG Mansion have been fixed after years of neglect.

What is actually happening in there is unknown. It is believed that Rule 37 may have been amended slightly to include the phrase: "Especially when dealing with shrubberies" and there has been a push to include a new rule "When the compost hits the fan. We'll be there pouring it on.". Whether this will prove popular with more traditional members, remains to be seen.

The Present

THIS has yet to be decided.

The Future

Well, don't look at us. All we can say with any certainty is that it will involve a lot of ammunition.

1) No one, even the crackpot theorists, believes this.
2) Whose initials are C.C.
3) reports indicate that though massive in size these blasts were quite thoroughly controlled thus leaving the actual guild intact
 
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collateral_damage_adventuring_guild.txt · Last modified: 2017/05/28 03:34 (external edit)