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Dwellings For Dummies

NOTE! This is a 'legacy' page. Dwellings have now been replaced with Places. This has just been left here for future researchers writing scholarly articles on the history of the Bingo Hall or somesuch. See here for a version of this page for Places.

We now return you to your advertised program:

So, you've been traveling around the island, and stumbled across various houses, stores, and wildlife preserves on map squares. And you're thinking that maybe you'd like a place to call your own, too. Problem is, you have no idea how to get yourself a sweet little dwelling to play with. LOOK NO FURTHER!1)

Step One: Go to Improbable Central

There's a handy building called Suzie's Hardware. Enter the store.

Step Two: Buy a land stake!

This will cost you 100 cigs. If you don't have a 100 cigs, either adventure in the jungle until you do, or donate.

Step Three: Decide where you want your Dwelling!

Travel to the map square you want your dwelling to be on. There will be an option in the left-hand menu to plant a stake. There is room for four dwellings on each map square. If there are already four, you'll have to choose somewhere else. Or burn down someone else's dwelling, and build over it. 2)

Step Four: Build your Dwelling!

Aside from land stakes, Suzie also sells three handy toolkits. They are:


This kit will allow you to cut down logs3) on Jungle squares, and install them in your dwelling. You need 100 logs to build your dwelling.


This kit allows you to carve chunks of rock out of Mountain squares and install them in your dwelling. You need 25 stones4) to build your dwelling.


This kit allows you to hang pretty curtains or blood dripping skulls in your house. Or both. It's how you distinguish your home from the hundreds of others on the island. The number of times you have to decorate depends on the length of the description you write.5) There's a handy status bar that will show you how far along you are.

Each toolkit costs a cig a day. If you do not have enough cigs, adventure in the jungle or donate.

A Note

While lugging your materials across the map to your plot, you may stumble across wild packs of stones or logs. Do not pick these up! Either they are booby-trapped, and will explode in a Skronky mess if you touch them, or they are clever material-mimics; a monster which will Failboat you faster than a gargleblaster-drinking Magpie. You have been warned!6)

Step Five: Expanding your Dwelling

Once you have the main structure up, you can either add rooms, or expand rooms to include one or more sleeping-spaces. This will, of course, take more logs and stones. It takes 70 logs and 20 stones to create an extension room, and 20 logs and 5 stones to add one sleeping spot to a room's capacity.

That's it! Remember: Suzie's in IC for supplies. Carpentry for logs from Jungle. Masonry for Stone from Mountain. Stealing supplies is for losers whose own dogs7) don't love them.8)9)10)

Now get out there and build!

2) Though this is generally frowned upon.
3) These are heavy. Awesomely heavy. You should think seriously about buying the super-duper backpack if you want to haul these any great distance
4) and you thought logs were awesomely heavy? Ha!
5) And for the love of the Caveman, don't type it up in a word processor. Either straight in the box, or in a plain text editor - Notepad will do, just about.
6) This may not be technically true, but theft is also generally frowned upon.
7) and mothers
8) But if a log is stolen in a forest, and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
9) Sometimes.
10) Even if you don't hear it, hasn't someone still stolen your log?
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dwellings_for_dummies.txt · Last modified: 2017/05/28 03:34 (external edit)