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Joe's Diner Massacree.

1)

NewHome

<DICE> Zolotisty ambles into the Outpost, hands-in-pockets. She has an Improbable Island release form tucked under one arm, all three stone of it, and she intends to acquire its secrets.
<DICE> Zolotisty does not mean to acquire the secrets of Millicent E. Wainwright, although that is who this release form once belonged to. She intends to acquire the secrets of legalese.
Rookie Jay Chaos2) runs by, waving and smiling to Z as he pass by, "Hi, Z! How're you? Fine, i hope! Hey, good morning, gotta go!", and disapears into the fields.
<DICE> Zolotisty settles with the extremely-heavy-papers to begin her cram session. Anything that will make her sound important in front of the magpies seems reasonable and also good to memorize.
<DICE> Zolotisty glances up. "..muh!" she says articulately. Bushes rustle as Jay disappears from sight! "..Have a good day," she says a moment later, mostly to the waving grasses.
<GERM> The Grin Paul Lo misleads some newbies into looking at the Wiki, which is at (Removed for formatting. You're reading the wiki now, aren't you?)
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave Wanders out of the Common Grounds, sighing. "That meadow was pretty strange. You think you get used to this place, but.."
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave notices someone with a giant stack of..well..papers it looks like. He wanders over to investigate.
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave boggles at the papers, as the words seem to completely flow into nonsense to him.
<SPICE> Captain Ochris erases some extra spaces from the wiki's url.
<DICE> Zolotisty blinks up, dazed. Huhwuh. People! "Muh!" she says again, blinking! She paws at her eyes. Such tiny print..
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave bounces back at the sudden motion, having been absorbed in the pretty looking words himself.
<DICE> Zolotisty squints! "Hullo."
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave settles his hat into place as he approaches again, hopefully less startling this time. "So..may I ask what in Chaos that is?"
<DICE> Zolotisty shoves at the stack of papers with her foot. She doesn't succeed in moving it, but she does succeed in slanting the papers into a sort of leaning tower. "These?"
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave waves belatedly, realizing he jumped headfirst into the conversation without actually starting it. "Oh, hullo there."
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave nods, his head tilting at the odd motion of the papers. Normally those things fall down when you push them like that. (Then again, what constitutes "Normal" around here is pretty loosely defined)
<DICE> Zolotisty says, "They are full of Legalese, which I am trying to remind myself how to speak, so that I can officially make the maggapies swear to not-eating Ferryn, who they think is delicious."
<DICE> Zolotisty says, mild, "Most things around here are delicious to something or another but I think everything that gets labeled delicious would rather not. So we are going to contend it."
<DICE> Zolotisty offers her hand. "I'm Zolotisty, who are you!"
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave 's eyes brighten a bit at the CentipedeMorph's name. "I'm Dave..and did you say Ferryn? I heard she was having magpie issues. I met her in Kittania earlier today. I think I just missed you there."
<DICE> Zolotisty seizes and shakes his hand. "Nice to meet you. Aye, I did say Ferryn. I don't suppose you can cook? Or that you can speak Legalese?"
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave thinks for a moment. "I think I can cook. Haven't tried in some time. The diner here has some tasty burgers, so I've kind of gotten lazy about it."
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave brightens. "Is this about the Magpie Dinner I overheard something about?"
<DICE> Zolotisty's gaze snaps toward the Diner. "I think those taste like orange. But maybe the maggapies wouldn't mind." She rolls deft to her feet, brushing off her trousers and waistcoat.
<DICE> Zolotisty grins slow at him. "Aye, it is. Here -- you think you can cook. Do you think you can, ah. Nick?"
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave starts to correct her, that his name's Dave, then realizes maybe that wasn't supposed to be his name? Jokers can be so confusing sometimes. "Erm..yeah. I could give it a shot."
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave thinks for a moment, adjusts his hat (which seems like it's trying to escape, the damned thing), and manages a weak smile.
<DICE> Zolotisty claps! "Right. I'll create a diversion, then. It'll be a good moment to practice. Com'on." She goes strolling off toward the Diner, hands in her pockets again.
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave blinks, then follows. This should be interesting then.
Patrons lingering with takeaway food outside the diner turn nervously. Joker. There is a Joker coming. And lo, the Rook Sea doth part before the Joker.
<DICE> Zolotisty holds the door for Dave, gesturing cordially for him to enter first.
Rookie Jerakal Straps on his new socks and mittens.
Rookie Jerakal says, "Today feels like a good day for a monster massacre."
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave bows to the Joker as he steps through the door, his tail twitching in anticipation
<DICE> Zolotisty calls cheerily to Jerakal, "Always a good day for that." Jangle! goes the bell on the door as she closes it. She beams at Joe, who is rearranging grease on the counter with his rag.
Joe lifts one corner of his mouth in response. Mostly, he stares.
<DICE> Zolotisty saunters forward, remarking (ostensibly) to Dave, "Such a selection!" Joe continues staring. Z gazes at the menu before her gaze wanders to the counter and a little certificate on the wall.
The certificate certifies (certainly) that this restaurant has been subject to certain food and safety inspections.
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave thinks he gets the idea. As Joe and the patrons are hypnotized by Z's presence, he sneaks into the kitchen.
<DICE> Zolotisty sucks in a breath. "Messire!" GRAVEST OFFENSE.
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave stops, kicks a lag demon, and continues standing by Z.
Joe lifts an eyebrow. He doesn't notice the Kittymorph tail that just went disappearing through the swinging kitchen door.
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave seems to be suffering from high amounts of improbability today, he blinks as he's in the kitchen, he glances around to see if anyone is manning in the back.
<DICE> Zolotisty is scowling now, no good cheer. "You've not been notarized. Any restaurant not in accordance with the Skronk and Smegma Act of '93 is potentially subject to criminal liabilities and annexation."
A short order cook manning the grill glances up, doubletakes, and then glares at Dave. "Feckin' 'ell, Thomas, y'bloody took long enough to take a feckin' piss! Where's the shite!"
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave , seeing as how everyone ran out to the front to gawk at Z, makes his way around the kitchen, examining the various vats of strange substances used in the food here. "I can work with this.."
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave blinks. "Ah, sorry, over here." He holds out a likely-looking bucket of..something, that he had the foresight to pick up.
The short short order cook short-temperedly snatches the bucket. "No thanks to you, feckin' layabout.." He slops the bucket onto the grill, which hisses and pops noisily.
<DICE> Zolotisty has meanwhile snatched a napkin off the counter and is scribbling furiously. "I can act as deputy notary if you so choose it, Messire, but the restaraunteur, hereafter known as COOKIE, does.."
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave watches in a mixture of horror, revulsion, curiosity, and hunger as the midget gets to work.
<DICE> Zolotisty natters, "..his heirs, executors, administrators, moderators, successors and each of them to release, remit, remise, acquit and forever discharge the NOTARY, and all past, present and future.."
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave 's hat, thoroughly disgusted by all this, falls off of his head and rolls out the back door of the diner. It'll be waiting somewhere a little less disturbing.
The short order cook clambers back onto his stool to continue moodily scraping at the grill with a gungy-looking spatula. He hocks and spits onto the grill, muttering something about seasoning.
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave 's hat has the foresight to grab a couple sealed buckets of, well, does it matter? and tuck them into itself as it rolls out.
Joe has not blinked. He waits, patiently. Many of the folks eating in the Diner have leaned out from their booths to stare.
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave nods, taking all this in. I think I'll be sticking to Kittania food after all, seeing this.. Regardless of his sensibilities, he interestedly watches the cook technique, if not the flavoring.
<DICE> Zolotisty goes on, "..including grievances of unfair labor practices and of every nature and description whatsoever including jammy shortbread and clam shells whatsoever by reason or in respect to cricket.."
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave 's ears perk up, noting the silence outside. Was Z's part of this working? Was her trial of her "Legalese" going well? He can't tell.
Joe slowly opens his mouth. At about the same time, the cook realizes he's being watched, and he whips around to glare at Dave. The stool slips out from under him. He falls.
Distressingly, the spatula acts as a sort of catapult. God-knows-what goes flying.
<DICE> Zolotisty concludes, "and indemnifying Skidge, must be acted upon within thirty days of the filing in accordance with division (E) of this section!"
SPLORCH, goes god-knows-what.
Joe stiffens at the SPLORCH. His mouth clicks shut. He turns to snatch the certificate off the wall, with every intention of smashing it over Z's face.
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave catches the cook on his way down, trying to make sure he doesn't hit anything vital on the way down. He ends up hitting several "Nonvital" parts, however.
<DICE> Zolotisty beams and launches over the counter, scrabbling into the kitchen. She slides on god-knows-what. "Nick, nick, nick! NICK, DAVE, time to go!"
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave realizes the spatula was already set off, and drops the cook hurriedly. He makes a pounce for the back door, hoping to escape before he's noticed by anyone but the cook.
"Feckin' let me go you --" Nick? Dave? He squinches up at Dave. "..oi. .. ye're not thomas, y'bloody chav."
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave turns and motions for Z to follow him. "My hat found a back door, this way!" He bounds out the back.
"WHUFH." Like a sack of potatoes!
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave laughs, then realizes he hasn't seen this "Thomas" yet. He waits for Z to pass him and drops some of the buckets on the ground in front of the door.
<DICE> Zolotisty was going to contend bringing the Midget, but perhaps magpies do like them? Dave seems to have thought better of it. She scrabble slides after him, as the kitchen door THUDS open.
Both Joe and the cook go after Kittymorph-and-Joker. Z tumbles neatly outside.
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave tries to make as big a mess as possible on the way out, preventing pursuit
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave pounces out the door and scampers after Z, giggling madly to himself.
A series of horrible noises proceed from the kitchen as a result of the contents of the buckets being strewn about. Many of them are suggestively squelchy.
The thuds and shouting and many references to obscene body parts and the thump of bodies together are likewise very suggestive.
Passersby stop uncertainly.
Rookie Jay Chaos comes walking from the beach, humming some unknow song and looking at the stars. "Well, well, how are we, my far away friends?", says and goes back to the humming.
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave slams the back door behind him, hoping something jams.
<DICE> Zolotisty has, somewhere along the way, been effectively covered in flour. She beams fangishly at Dave. "Well-done. What was that about your hat?"
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave looks around desperately for either Z or his hat, whichever he finds first.
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave finds Z first, laughing. Somethings have been stuck to his fur in the process. "The hat?" He laughs.
<DICE> Zolotisty snatches Dave in a quick whirly dance. "Aye your hat." Someone else might ask 'did you get anything' but Z seems to be having a good time as it is.
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave dances with Z for a bit, then cocks his head. "Hat? hat, hat hat...OH MY HAT! Yes, where did that little bugger wander off to?" He looks around for a bit, and sees his hat, clean, sitting there.
<DICE> Zolotisty keeps a leery ear turned toward the Diner. It has gone suspiciously quiet, and people are surreptitiously exiting out the front door.
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave picks up his hat, and holds it open-side up. "Funny thing about this hat...I lost it for a while, and I think a Joker got to it and decided to have some fun with it."
<DICE> Zolotisty peers toward the hat. "Oh, aye?"
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave takes a quick glance at the diner as well, and notices the patrons leaving. "Perhaps we should adjourn to quieter grounds? I'll explain there."
<DICE> Zolotisty nods, floury. "I think that's wise."
<GERM> Civilian Teh Dave looks around, and gestures out to the gates. Right outside should be fine for now.
<DICE> Zolotisty waves at Jay before she goes wandering after Dave.
Joe comes stalking out of the diner, sleeves rolled. He has a cleaver. He looks around grimly.
Rookie Jay Chaos really doesn't want to be the person/thing Joe is looking for.
Joe doesn't recognize Jay, and all of the other people in the area have accordingly thought, 'oh shit!' and scarpered. He grunts and turns to stalk back into the Diner.
WHUD goes the door.

Just outside NewHome

Civilian Teh Dave sneaks outside the gates, and starts picking bits of, whatever it is, out of his fur.
<DICE> Zolotisty wanders after. Dave is covered in suspicious things, her feet are covered in suspicious things, everything but the hat seems to be covered in suspicious things..
Civilian Teh Dave glares at the hat once again as Z joins him. "The thing about this damned thing.." He manages to clean off his arms enough to reach into the hat up to his elbows. "Is..something got to it."
Civilian Teh Dave He starts pulling several sealed buckets out of the hat. "I lost it for a good while, and I think someone played a trick on it."
<DICE> Zolotisty observes. "Oh, is there extra room in there? My pockets are like that." She tilts her head as she watches.
Civilian Teh Dave nods to Z as he finishes with the buckets. Five in all, two "Meat", two "Potatoes" and one "Cheese". "I've heard about some Jokers having stuff like that, which is what led me to the belief
Civilian Teh Dave says, "That my hat was found by a Joker, and later discarded for me to find."
Civilian Teh Dave says, "As far as the dinner goes, I think I can do just fine if they'll take this."
<DICE> Zolotisty says, "Improbability exposure would do it, too." She nods gravely to Dave's fedora, very much 'how do you do,' then prowls nearer to examine the magpie offerings. "It's a cunning hat."
Civilian Teh Dave nods. "Could be simple as that." He reaches into the hat, pulls out some cooking implements. "Cunning indeed. Good show, hat!"
<DICE> Zolotisty says, cheerful, "Very good show! I'm a wretched cook, thoug -- which reminds me, I need to go find the other cooks that I think I've enlisted to help with this."
<DICE> Zolotisty gravely touches her eyebrow in salute, then shoos a typo gremlin off of her shoulder. It chomps hungrily onto its h and flees.
Civilian Teh Dave 's hat seems to shuffle over to Z and...nuzzle? against her foot. "Odd..It's never done that before. Er, at least that I know of."
<DICE> Zolotisty crouches briefly to scritch behind the fedora's hat band. "And it's cordial, too."
Civilian Teh Dave replaces the buckets into his hat carefully, rummaging around to make sure his other possessions aren't in danger of anything. "When's this dinner going to be? Also, good job with the, what was it?
<DICE> Zolotisty says, "I think perhaps if you and hat brought that along to Kittania? Maiko would let you into the kitchens, I'm certain. Good meeting you, I'll see you!" Then Z goes, just like that. Gone!
Civilian Teh Dave 's hat seems to Z to purr, then gargle slightly as the buckets are placed into it. Dave doesn't seem to hear it.
Civilian Teh Dave blinks, rubs his eyes, and looks around. "Well, that was...unexpected? Wait, this is a Joker we're talking about. Always expect that." He collects his hat and heads off to IC, Then to Kittania.
1) First section has Dave in GERM since I'd joined GERM between doing this scene and going back to archive
2) Hey, look! I'm on TV! Cool!
 
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joes_diner_massacree.txt · Last modified: 2017/05/28 03:35 (external edit)