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Today we report a short spot that Oni Viselo recorded for the network 1)2)3)

-In the Common Grounds-

<ICEE>ClockMaker Oni walks in with a clipboard. He smiles and addresses a camera. "Lavatories. Love them or Loathe them, their here to stay."

<ICEE>ClockMaker Oni looks at his clip board and then back at the camera. "We use them, we lavish our affection on them, clean them, polish them, some of us spend up to half our lives in them." He is gesturing and nodding. "We read specialist lavatory magazines.."

<ICEE>ClockMaker Oni continues, occasionally checking his clip board. "Spend money on the latest model with Air Conditioning, stereos, and two-speed wipers. Some of us even race them." A small man runs up. "No no no! Cars! You mean Cars!" Oni giggles "Oho yes!"

<ICEE>ClockMaker Oni shakes his head, and continues. "Cars! How much do we know about them?" He nods. "We sit in them once a day and trust them to carry our effluent away safely, seemly, and efficiently."

<ICEE>ClockMaker Oni continues, serious yet again. "Whether their porcelain, plastic, or fiber glass. Lever or button flush. We'v-" "Nononono No! Lavatories. You mean lavatories." Oni blinks. "Ohoho Yes! Hehe!" He giggles and pats his forehead.

<KIND> Buddleia hovers at the entrance, probably out of view of that particular camera, a wide grin on her face as she watches the show. She gives Oni a big, encouraging (but probably also distracting) thumbs-up.

<ICEE>ClockMaker Oni continues, once more. "The beginings of the modern lavatory were humble enough. In 1793 Johannus Crell of Lipesink constructed the first simple metal cabinet. Using inert gasses to chill the cabinet to three degrees centigrade."

<ICEE>ClockMaker Oni nods to Budd as he explains. "The first "dew bin" or "salad crisper" started to appear-" "Nonono No! No! You mean fridges! You're talking about fridges!" Giggles again, covering his mouth.

<ICEE>ClockMaker Oni continues, rather sure of himself. "Fridges! Like them or loathe them, you can't ignore them. Everyone's talking about...Fridges." He flips a page on the clipboard. "Whether your buying or selling a property, sooner or later...."

<ICEE>ClockMaker Oni nods as he continues. "..you'll come in contact with a fridge. Their commision is an important part of your house bu-" "No! No! Nonono! Estate agents. You're talking about estate agents." Oni creeps into a laugh.

<ICEE>ClockMaker Oni continues, flipping another page. "Estate agents. You can't live with them....you can't live with them. With their jangling keys, nasty suits, revolting beards, mustaches and tinted spectacles Estate Agents roam the land causing..."

<ICEE>ClockMaker Oni smiles and nods as he continues. "...Perturbation and despair. If you try and kill them, you're put in prison. If you try and talk to them, you vomit." He flips a page. "There's only one thing worse than an Estate agent, but that..."

<OCD>Fire of War LadyRavenSkye slips into the Grounds, and take a seat in the grass listening to Oni.

<ICEE>ClockMaker Oni continues. "...at least can be safely lanced, drained, and surgically dressed." He smiles into the camera. "Estate Agents, love them or loathe them. you'd be mad not to loathe them." He looks at the small man. "Is that good?" "Yes yes!"

<KIND> Buddleia looks suspiciously back out of the Grounds at Cyber City. Now that they've thought of it, there are bound to be Estate Agents stalking about, lunging with their cries of "Deceptively Spacious!", which, she thinks, means even smaller than it looks.

1) Somewhere, a mid-level functionary for the Network's advertising department is cleaning out her desk under escort from Building Security.
2) Honestly though, what was she thinking. Clearly Oni would be better in a "The More You Know" spot!
3) Obviously, she was thinking "I will never eat mushroom pizza that is that old again.
 
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love_it_or_loathe_it.txt · Last modified: 2017/05/28 03:34 (external edit)