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Squats

General Description

Squats are the subjects of a number stereotypes, most notably that they are all obnoxious, ferocious little ankle-biters who'd just as soon stab you in the back1) as give you the time of day. These stereotypes are, it turns out, based in truth, as most squats do indeed supplement their meager incomes with theft. In fact, the only real way to get the time of day from a squat is to beat them up and take back your watch and cell phone which the little blighter pick-pocketed when you were looking around to see who was talking to you.

This population is made up of mid-level contestants, who are still new to the Island but have become infused with enough improbability that their bodies have begun to transmutate. Based in Squat Hole, squats are often seen scampering around the Island in packs.2) 3) Their notoriously bad tempers and anger management issues make them an unpopular lot, but the other populations tolerate them because squats are strong and difficult to injure - in other words, the other populations see that it would take too much effort to eradicate squats and therefore tolerate them.4)

For more information concerning the squats and their home, Squat Hole, the reader is directed to this catalogue of documents pertaining to the subject.

Skills and Tactics

Physically, squats have several natural advantages and several limitations:

  • Their compact, dense bodies offer extraordinary damage resistance (a +20% Defense bonus) and freakishly high strength levels (a +20% Attack bonus).
  • Because they are short, the money-grubbing little bastards can search more effectively after fights and therefore can find more treasures that other contestants might miss.
  • Their short size means they are often overlooked, which gives them the advantage of surprise in jungle fights. However, their short size also means that they have less endurance for jungle excursions and less stamina for travel without a mount.
  • If you hit a squat often enough, they'll fly into a squat Rage(granting them a +100% Attack bonus, in addition to their other one). Stay well back if that happens.
  • They are cuddly but insane, which tends to intimidate opponents.

Other Characteristics

Squats are the population most similar to Humans, aside from their stature. Their culture seems derived from Humans' but emphasizes the worst aspects. The Watcher dislikes squats but tolerates them because their bad attitudes and frequent outbursts make for great reality TV. A squat on the FailBoat will struggle to achieve favor.

1) If they were tall enough to reach it.
2) As in groups, not backpacks. It is advised that you do not attempt to put a Squat in your backpack unless you are on really good terms with the squat.
3) and possess some industrial grade cleaning agents.
4) It isn't actually possible to hurt a squat by stomping on them. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.
 
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squat.txt · Last modified: 2017/05/28 03:34 (external edit)