To: Mr. Cedric Cook
Subject: Acquisition of a new draftee for Improbable Island
We would like to inform you, that one of your workers - namely Mr. Ivan Streczynsky - has been drafted and sent to Improbable Island. If you would wish for the Network's aid in finding a replacement, please contact our..
Cedric put the letter down on his desk - he didn't need any help finding workers. Not with unemployment this large. He picked up the handset of a crude, post-EMP telephone - an intercom, really - and said in a stoic voice, "Miss Morgan, Mister Streczynski won't be working here anymore.. No, I didn't. He was actually dragged onto this island.. Yes, a coincidence indeed. Listen, I'll need someone to fill the position. I have a-," he reached for some papers on his desk, "I have a list of possible candidates right here. Could you arrange.."
Five minutes later Cedric Cook was looking out of the window in his office, admiring the view. This town had many problems of its own, but Cedric deeply cared for it. He was glad to be a witness to its slow rise from the ashes.
"I need this office to function fluently," he said to his reflection, "and I had to do it. Pull some strings. No one will miss him."
He took one last peek at the ending line of the letter.
Ivan Streczynsky was born to the family of Polish immigrants in some picturesque English shit-hole. It's wonder how he ever came to work in mayor Cook's office, considering that he's a lazy, insecure, cowardly prick with almost no ambition.
Also - he was 5' 2", yet weighed about 180 lbs. AND he was balding heavily. What a fat, ugly bastard!
Even Stretcher was born on a beach a few clicks from NewHome. He tries to get rid of all the traits that made him miserable before. There are forces at work that are not content with that decision, but they are yet to make a move.
Also - he is 8 feet tall, though he still weighs about the same. He also has more hair on his head than he'd ever want. No, really - it grows back overnight, complete with shaggy beard.