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** THE TRUE STORY OF CHRISTMAS **

The Bingo Hall. The beginning of December, and the kids are excited.

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock ducks back in long enough to set a large bottle of Dalmore on the main table with 2 dozen or so straws in it, with a glance up

A very, very large douglas fir tree attempts to squeeze itself through the front door, first trunk forward, then point first. It gets hopelessly stuck.

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock 's voice can be heard, panting and spitting sap from inside the tree "Uh.. .Little help?" he backs out of the tree, deciding that halfway in the door is as good a place as any for the tree

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock grumbles as he extricates himself "Merry.. .or 'Happy', as the case may be, .. .Christmas! She's a 25-footer!"

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock goes in search of ornaments

Lady Akitsu: sneaks in while no one's looking, then sets to putting her touch on the Clan Hall. She decorates the tree with trailling golden ribbons, red and white pointsettias, and glass orbs of many colors.

Lady Akitsu: sets about for the rest of the Hall. After Cleaning it thoroughly, of course. Evergreen garlands gaily set with red and gold ribbons adorn the hallways.

Lady Akitsu: sets up stockings on the fireplace for all attending clannies, personalized by an emblem best suiting the member. A book for Merlin, for example.

Lady Akitsu: then finishes off, replacing the drab curtains for Burgandy satin drapes and so on, in effect making the place feel warm, refined, and elegant, like that of a Victorian ladies' sitting room.

Lady Akitsu: relights the fire in the fireplace as the finishing touch and nips back out again. Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock pauses to toss a denied application into the fire.. .which wasn't lit when he lef, was it? Hmmm.. .He shrugs and looks for the attic to look for stored decorations. "Maybe the dome?"

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock wanders off in search of a way into the bingo hall dome

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock has his team of gremlins working overtime in his room. He strolls bya nd hangs a blown-glass spiderkitty near the top of the tree, not difficult as the damn tree's still half in at a 45 degree angle

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock scurries away before he can be broomed, still looking for a ladder.. .or staircase.. .elevator? Dirigible? .. .up to the dome

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave scuttles back into Clan halls, deftly avoiding the tree blocking the door. Wait.. .tree? He slowly turns to examine the halls. This can't be GERM headquarters. It's too.. .clean.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave slowly examines the main rooms, feather scratching at his "head" uncertainly. Where did all this come from? OH WELL, best just get into the spirit of things! He grabs a handful of tinsel then The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave makes a mighty leap. He lands, tinsel dangling across his brim and feather, at the peak of the tree. He gives an approving pat to the glass spiderkitty before glancing about from his new vantage.

Floating Heads Fergus dive bombed the bottle set out by g_rock and swooped back up to their nest where they relaxed for a while before setting back out to do their sex-checking job. They finally float back in, exhausted.

Floating Heads Fergus , having floated in through an open window, don't notice the tree right away. They notice the fantastic new decorations set up by Kit. The heads just have to be careful to not float into them.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave waves his feather to the floating heads, realizing they've never been properly introduced

Floating Heads Fergus do notice the tree sooner than later though, and think it's a fine sopt for it. They set out to empty a few bottles of their favorite booze to decorate the tree with.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave then realizes that he's currently a hat, and Fergus is currently (Perhaps he always was? Not terribly sure there) a collection of floating heads. And drunk. This could end up interesting.

Floating Heads Fergus stop, however, when they see a hat waving its feather at them. It's certainly not an unusal sight for this place, but they come closer anyway.

Floating Heads Fergus , after, staring at the hat for a second, finally speak. "Righ' then. So, hullo hat." "Tell us somethin', did we jest already 'ave too much eggnog?" "Or be ye really a Floating Heads Fergus glare at that typo gremlen until it explodes, putting back in that last word: "hat?"

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard stands and looks aghast at the bloody tree. Christmas? AGAIN? These ones won't be concentrating if they think they can get away with it! Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard smirks. She is concocting a lovely Christmas plan that will blow the socks off 'these ones'. They'll not know what hit 'em. That's for sure.

Floating Heads Fergus snigger. They don't understand what is freaking out Phyllis, but as long as something keeps her mind off brooming them, they don't care.

Floating Heads Fergus then frown at the hat. It blows away and one of the haeds call after it, "T'was.. .uh.. .good ta meet ye?" "Uhh.. .aye! G'bye hat?" Now they're just confused. Again.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave seems to have that effect on people. Especially now that he's a hat. He grabs the uncrumpled note and stows it away before skittering back out into the halls proper. The plot thickens!

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard rushes in, eyes on fire, and starts going through the old 1970's sideboard in the corner of the main hall. She's obviously looking for something, she grabs one piece of correspondence after another Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard reads them, quickly for her, and discards them. She drags out a huge lever arched file, and flicks to the letter 'B', then starts hurriedly leafing through the pages.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard somehow manages to broom Fergus right in the side of his right head whilst frenziedly searching for that elusive something. What is it that has her spooked so? WHAT?

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave sneaks up behind Phyllis and watches her intently. Again, ready to pretend to be an innocent hat at a moment's notice.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard neither cares for, nor understands all of this millinery-related nonsense. She continues her madcap search for documentation.. .

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave unfortunately can't get a good look at what she's aiming for. She's in the Bs though, and that can only mean one thing. Ok, it can mean many things, but he's pretty sure he's got it figured out.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard seems to have found something, she stands up straight, something akin to a leer (a smile) playing across her face. She heads off towards the workshops.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave feels a slight jab as he glares at the parentheses. He skitters along silently behind Phyllis, curious.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard is in the workshop, gathering tools, wood, metal and such like. Mountjoy wanders past, and looks, longingly, at the apple of his eye. But she seems distracted and he lets her alone. Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard has left the document she had searched so feverishly for on the side as she gathers all of her DIY equipment. She's oblivious to Mountjoy and the hat. She works at the equipment with a will

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave gives the document a quick once-over. If he had a mouth, he would break out into a massive grin. He glances between the document, Mountjoy, and Phyllis, then inches towards the document.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave notices Mountjoy giving him an odd glance, and makes a quick grab for the document with his feather, dashing out. He manages to dodge Mountjoy's attempt to grab at him as he passes. The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave skitters as fast as he can to the door, the document fluttering behind him. The names are hidden, but it appears to be a lease agreement to a shed just outside of CC404.

In the deep midwinter, frosty winds made moan. CyberCity freezes and glints with the promise of metal under ice.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard storms out of the GERM clan hall and past the assembled mass. There's a flurry of snow whorled up behind her as she thunders through the outpost. She heads towards the town gate. Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard throws wide the gates and screams into the icy wind that envelopes the square, "THAT ONE'LL NOT GET RID OF THIS ONE THAT EASILY! THIS ONE WILL BRING THAT ONE DOWN WITH HER!" Blimey, what a noise!

As if in response, there's a faint tinkling sound carried from the snowy redoubt, tinkle tinkle tinkle.. .

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard screams, flings shut the gates and then turns as if on a sixpence, back towards the GERM clan hall.. .

Captain Blue Spark: Uh oh.. These aren't the signs of Sandy Claws coming are they?

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard rushes back out of the GERM Bingo Hall and glares at Blue Spark, "This one ought keep their mouths tightly shut. We don'ts want no visits from him. Does we now?"

Floating Heads Fergus incline their heads at Phyllis. They're trying to decide if they should laugh at her tantrum, or be sympathetic towards her. Floating Heads Fergus decide to not make up their minds, half laugh with glee at her while the other half mutter condolences to the crazed woman who gave them a little power in the halls.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave drifts in on a steady wind, settling to the snow. He catches the tail end of Phyllis's ranting and nods approvingly. Certainly she wouldn't want a visit from him.. .but others disagree. The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave 's feather seems to form into a thumbs-up at Fergus, then he drifts off into the jungle, chainsaw ready. It's Tea Time, after all. Wouldn't want to disappoint his host.

Deep in the snowy redoubt, someone works hard.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard arrives, laden down with wood, nails, hammers and such-like. She stands, snow gusting around, and tries to locate what she's here for. It's difficult as visibility is poor, but, eventually.. . Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard sees her goal. She tromps through the drifts, a look of pure determination on her face. And if you know anything about Phyllis, it's that she's the most determined lass to ever walk the land. Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard arrives and dumps down her DIY paraphernalia. There's a festive looking wooden building - a shed - but a grand one, with outhouses and curlicues and suchlike.. . Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard peers through the windows to see if there's any activity.. .Satisfied that the piles of boxes and machinery, the huge rolls of gaudy paper and the benches are devoid of movement, she begins, does Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard , as she hammers huge nails into enormous girders of wood, blocking the entrances and exits to the sprawling shed complex. No-one is getting out of here.. .NO-ONE! Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard starts to cackle maniacally, as she frenziedly blocks up yet another fire exit, like some insane slum landlord; she's working with a will, she is.. A real will.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard stops suddenly. Was that a tinkling of bells? A jolly old sound? She shudders and continues with her not-so-merry plan.. .He won't be getting out of here in a hurry.. .No sir!

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave drifts in from the Northeast and settles near a surprisingly well-built shed. He examines it intently, seeming to admire Phyllis's handiwork. Can't say he's happy about it, but it is impressive. The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave looks around to see if there's anyone about who could help. He doesn't see anyone nearby, so he drifts back off to CC404.

Back to CC404

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard re-enters the outpost from the South West, she doesn't have all of the DIY paraphernalia she left with any more.

Badass Kestrel wanders in, and takes a moment to catch her breath. She bends down to examine the footprints, then stiffens slightly, recognising hers. Badass Kestrel frowns, and shakes her head dismissively. By the look of the footprints, she's long gone. She leans back against the Eboy's wall, and waits.

Lieutenant Farrell: is exhausted, but pleased "Twop crates! A very profitable journey. Now we can REALLY celebrate in style!"

talkydoor stumbles in, thoroughly out of breath. "Was always told.. .Never to eat.. .On an empty stomach!" Badass Kestrel grins, and holds up her hand for a high-five. "I think I found three."

Lieutenant Farrell kicks the typo gremlin, sending it scurrying into the forest.

Badass Kestrel winces visibly for the poor gremlin, and avoids the other Joker's eyes. She smiles slightly to Talky, wondering who should tell Farrell.

Lieutenant Farrell: I'm just going to head into eBoy's for a bit.

talkydoor blinks. "Three!" She scowls, clearly thoroughly jealous. Mutters, "it's my party.. ." Seeing Farrell's reaction to the gremlin, she sighs and vows to introduce her to the library soon.

talkydoor slowly turns around to face the Abandoned Factory door. "I've heard the legends. But I've never managed to find it.. ."

Lieutenant Farrell: Hey, it's all for your party, babe - we're going to make this a mornin to remember. Badass Kestrel also heads into the trading station, and lugs the resulting bag of 36,000 req into the bank. She isn't showing off, honestly.

Badass Kestrel glances curiously at the midget's bandolier, wondering if she still has that jet-black snake. She starts stroking what looks like a bracelet on her left wrist.

talkydoor scowls at the req being made all around her. "My party.. ." She steps forward and puts a hand on the door. "Are we ready?"

Badass Kestrel nods, and goes to stand behind her. She slips a small blue bag of req into her pocket, then steps back a bit, looking innocent.

Lieutenant Farrell: Ready!

talkydoor pauses, and takes a deep swig from the thermos. For courage. She hands it around. talkydoor takes a deep breath, chokes on the mulled wine and stumbles forward. Into the Factory. She may not be seen for some time.

Badass Kestrel takes a small gulp, then passes it to the other Joker.

Lieutenant Farrell drinks, and pushes the door, holding it openfor talky.

Badass Kestrel follows the midget in, looking very apprehensive.

Lieutenant Farrell: "-and I don't CARE if I don't have money! But he said - wait, is it bedtime?

talkydoor staggers back into town, supporting Farrell and mumbling about "unfair advantages.. ." talkydoor stumbles over to the clan halls. "You be okay from here?"

Lieutenant Farrell: Mm, yup. Bed, she calls to me. Night darlin', and thanks for a great time!

Badass Kestrel follows the others, shaking her head. She takes off the flower and bell, slipping them both in her bag, next to her fan. "I've got to go now, I'll see you later?" Badass Kestrel heads into the clan halls.

Lieutenant Farrell staggers away, tired, happy, and due for a wicked headache tomorrow.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave drifts in on a chill breeze, floating over the tracks in the snow. He recognizes one set, and looks around thoughtfully before drifting off to the southwest to investigate. The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave floats back in from the southwest, settling on a conspicuous pile of scrap and watching out in case anyone wanders by. The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave hears nothing but the wind. Will no one help him?

Rookie ricki enters 404 and sees some markings in the snow that, for whatever reason, make her think of dancing.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave spots a familiar rookie! He scuttles across the snow to her, strangely not leaving a trail of any sort behind him. He reaches her and waves at her frantically.

Rookie ricki waves back at the hat

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave points his feather up at ricki's currently-devoid-of-hat head.

Rookie ricki: hiya T'Dave

Rookie ricki picks up the Fedora and puts it on her head.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave doesn't seem to care if he's making sense right now, he's too excited. The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave also meant crowbar. His narrator points ricki's to her distractions.

Rookie ricki: Found who? what kind of hammer? I'm fairly good at bashing things, but construction is another matter.. . Rookie ricki: and who is Phyliss?

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave 's hat seems to make shushing motions at her, as if saying "Not so loud!".

Rookie ricki: I hope you'r supplying the crowbar, 'cuz I don't have one. Rookie ricki looks extremely puzzled

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave points to the southwest with his feather, as if saying Onward, brave steed! He giggles to himself.

Rookie ricki: uhm, 'kay? Rookie ricki heads towards eboy's to grab a snack before exiting the outpost

Back to the Shed

Rookie ricki: what now?

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave hops off ricki's head and lands in the snow in front of a boarded-up door. His feather seems to root around behind him for something before pulling out a crowbar. He holds it up to ricki.

Rookie ricki takes the crowbar and begins to wedge it unceremoniously between the boards and wrenches it back fiercly.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave watches with nervous anticipation as the Rookie tries to help unseal the shed.

Rookie ricki one of the planks begins to loosen slightly. Undeterred, she continues working until one of the doors is openable.

Rookie ricki or tries to. Eventually she collapses, exhausted. Rookie ricki the crowbar lays at her feet in two pieces. It was just too cold out.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave stares at the crowbar, which seems to have bent almost to unusability, still stuck in the plank. He scuttles over and pats ricki on the shoulder with his feather.

Rookie ricki kicks a lag gremlin, and smiles at T'Dave apologetically

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave corrects himself: the crowbar is shattered! He seems to sigh and stare up at a window plaintively. A tinkling of bells echoes about the mountainside, and his feather perks up. Rookie ricki looks around for the source of the jingling

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave 's feather stares about the mountainside, then slowly nods. The sound of bells fades, but seems to wait just outside of hearing. He'll come. And nothing Phyllis can do can stop him. The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave hops back on the Rookie's head, and points his feather back to Cyber City. They'll be needed soon, but not today.

Rookie ricki Shouts "The HOGFATHER! Pork for Everyone!" Rookie ricki head back toward CC404, a dave upon her brow.

CC404

Rookie ricki enters Cyber City with Dave on her head.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave seems to be dancing happily on ricki's head, satisfied with their journey. Rookie ricki takes Teh Dave off of her head and tosses him into the air, places a cookie on her head, then catches him quite deftly, replacing him on her head. The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave snatches the cookie off of ricki's head with his feather as he falls, and sticks it to his hatband. It starts dissapearing into his hatband.

Rookie ricki pulls a tablecloth out of somewhere and spreads it out on the ground. She sits down and begins to take some odd looking snacks out of her pocket. Rookie ricki Since arriving on the island her taste in food has become rather odd, today she seems to be in possession of jellybean crusted zombie ears and snickerdoodle cookies.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave shakes off his sudden case of Failboat, and hops off of ricki's head, landing on the tablecloth. He examines the spread for a moment before reaching behind himself to grab a bottle and place it down.

Badass Kestrel wanders in again, and spots a Rookie and a hat with a GERM badge. She pauses, wondering whether they want to be left alone.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave waves his feather at Kestrel, glancing at her to see if her Dragon is about.

talkydoor re-emerges from her home. She shivers, wraps her arms around herself and looks down. "Aargh!" She runs out of the gates, besocked feet squelching in the snow.

Badass Kestrel 's dragon is perched on her shoulder, and blows a welcoming smoke-ring. He has, by now, completely forgiven the hat.

Rookie ricki looks up quizzically at Lt. Bad A Kestral, then begins to examine the bottle T'Dave placed down.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave isn't quite sure what's in the bottle or where it came from, but is quite sure it'll help keep anyone with a bloodstream warm in the snow.

Badass Kestrel is looking rather awkward; she didn't want to intrude. She takes a step back to the gates, wondering whether she should leave.

Rookie ricki takes an experimental swig. She feels warmth flowing through her body, and then gets the strange sensation that someone had just tried to shove her eyeballs out through her nostril.

Badass Kestrel glances back down at the footprints, and once again sees hers. She shivers slightly in recognition.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave waves at Kestrel again, gesturing to a clean spot on the tablecloth. He then turns his attention to the food spread out, and examines one of the zombie ears. He passes it up for a snickerdoodle.

Rookie ricki the feeling passes quickly and she takes another swig, then offers a snicker-doodle to kestral and says "hullosh, I'sh Ricki" Badass Kestrel smiles slightly, then looks back at the rookie. "My name's Kestrel - do you mind if I join you?"

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave picks up the snickerdoodle with his feather and holds it to his hatband. It starts dissapearing, as if being eaten.

Badass Kestrel declines the snicker-doodle, being unsure as to what they actually are, but sits down cross-legged at the gestured spot.

Rookie ricki says "noosh"`dand begins to giggle uncontrollably Rookie ricki swats drunkenly at a gremlin Rookie ricki picks up one of the cookies and begins to eat it.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave glances at ricki and the bottle she's still holding. He seems to think for a moment, then shakes his head. Either she's a lightweight, or that's one of his bottles of Hiram Walker.. .from the 60's.

Rookie ricki suddenly hiccups a cotton ball and is able to talk normally again. "seriously, where did you find that bottle, TD?"

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave decides to experiment with a Zombie ear, hoping it's not from someone he knows. He pushes it to his hatband and it starts dissapearing slowly, as if being chewed thoughtfully. He turns to Kestrel.

Badass Kestrel pulls a bottle of drink from a bag, and takes a measured sip before replacing it. For a brief moment, her hair pulses black, then it returns to its original colour.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave watches the cotton ball drift on a little breeze before flying off to begin its new life on the Island, possibly as an avalanche as it starts gathering snow and rolling down the mountain. The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave seems to shrug at ricki. He's not sure where the bottle came from, himself.

Rookie ricki begins pulling off jellybeans from a zombie ear, eating them one at a time.

The Bingo Hall, something is afoot.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard enters from CC404, wrapping her pink housecoat around her, she looks a little shaken up, as though she's seen something.. .

Golem of Paul Lo quickly races down into the hideout. It's not even glaring back outside.

Floating Heads Fergus can function quite well when drunk, actually.. . .or can they? They can't remember, they've had a bit too much to drink Floating Heads Fergus don't understand the feather waving language though. They scowl, "Oi, iffen me get some.. .err.. .paper " "An' ink!" "Aye, an' ink, can ye write out messages?"

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard sneaks a tot of clan brandy to settle her nerves, she's definitely not herself. It's sort of troubling.. .

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave 's feather shakes itself No at Fergus. No real way to write at the moment. The feather is very much integrated into the hat and can't disconnect. He sees Phyllis and floats down to her. The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave 's feather gingerly reaches over to pat her on the shoulder. He then pulls a bendy-straw from.. .erm.. .somewhere, and starts pointing it at the brandy and a glass.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard is frantically scribbling something in Bernard's office. She can be seen crumpling balls of paper and furiously hurling them in the vague direction of the rubbish bin.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave sneaks into Bernard's office, under the door so as not to alert Phyllis of his presence. He tries to read some of the balled-up notes. If spotted, he will freeze and pretend to be a hat.. .wait.. .

One of the notes, now uncrumpled reveals itself to read thus, "One hearbuy tennduz onez.. ." the rest scribbles out and illegible.. .

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard slaps open the door, and storms out, piece of paper clutched in her talons. She rushes past a number of astonished clan mates, back in the direction of CC404.

CC404 (again)

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard emerges from clan halls, looking furious.. .

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave finishes the Zombie ear, and gives an approving nod. He turns back to Kestrel, trying to see if Kagero is about.

Badass Kestrel stiffens slightly, but remains where she is. Her dragon swoops down from her shoulder, suddenly a bit jittery himself, but lands just in front of the hat. The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave 's feather perks up and slowly turns around. He spots a certain someone and starts panicking. He dives under the tablecloth, flattening out to try and hide.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard brooms both the hat and the rookie. Once they've been broomed they stay broomed.

Badass Kestrel 's dragon lands on a pack of flattening tablecloth, curling up there quite happily. Kes also reaches forwards, dumping her bag there, and fiddling with her necklace.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard spins around, ready to broom that bloody woman who they'd had a barney with last time. Looks like a few people will be broomed tonight.. .And Phyllis' knuckles are twitchin' Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard screeches, "These ones shouldn't meddle in what they don't understand! They shouldn't meddles. Should they? NO! They should keep their silly noses (and brims) out of it.. ." The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave huddles under the now-dragon-protected tablecloth, shuddering.

Badass Kestrel yawns, and pulls her sharpened shuriken from her belt. She fiddles almost aimlessly with the throwing star, not even acknowledging the woman's presence.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard waggles an outraged finger in the general direction of the hat, dragon, rookie and Lef-tenant Badass, "These ones don't know what they're asking for.. .They don't know."

Badass Kestrel starts packing the tablecloth - and dragon - into her bag. She zips it closed, and glances around. The hat is nowhere to be seen.

Rookie ricki says hotly "Hey! my nose is not silly."

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard is muttering under her breath, "If he comes back, it won't all be sleigh bells and mince pies, oh no. It won't all be holly and ivy and glasses of sherry. But these ones are all blinded!"

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave hears ricki's response from his current hiding spot and winces

Badass Kestrel smiles vaguely at the woman, and starts wandering to the gates. Her dragon flits out of her bag, landing on her shoulder, and watching.

Rookie ricki: goodbye Kestral

Badass Kestrel grins and waves at the Rookie, still walking towards the gates.

Rookie ricki uses her spatial awareness for the day to cause her oponent to Stand still and runs for her life.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard doesn't get taken in by spatial awareness.. .Oh no, it'll take more of the power of running your finger along the top of the picture, searching for dust, to upset Phyllis.

Badass Kestrel walks out of the gate, not even glancing at the woman. On her shoulder, her dragon stares with narrowed eyes.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave notes belatedly that Stand Still probably won't work on Phyllis. It seems nothing short of a targeted tactical nuclear strike can stop the woman, from what he's seen.

talkydoor stumbles into the outpost, swearing under her breath about people who think they're funny and stops short as she hears the upset.

Badass Kestrel looks very worried. She bites her lip as she sees her friend, and pauses, halfway through the gates.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard waggles her broom in the vague direction of the talkydoor "One thinks this one shouldn't go putting her nose where it's not wanted, eh?"

talkydoor pauses and tries to ask, using facial expressions only, what exactly is going on.

Badass Kestrel sends a panicked look to talkydoor, then glances over at Common Grounds, then back again.

talkydoor looks over at the woman. "What's your problem? Aside from being a grumpy old witch, that is." She grimaces and rubs her forehead.

Badass Kestrel groans, and steps just in front of her friend, shuriken still in her hand. She mutters, "Not a good idea, Talky."

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave 's feather shakes in a snicker, safely hidden from view (and hopefully reproach) somewhere-not-mentioned-by-this-narration.

talkydoor groans and sits down in a heap just inside the outpost gates. She's clearly not moving anytime soon. "I walked the length of the island twice yesterday. And guess where the landlord sends me today?

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard begins to whirl her broom in an arc only ever described by a Hawker Hurricane in full pelt. It whirrs and whizzes, whorls and whoops in the cold night air as it descibes perfect circles.. .

Badass Kestrel sighs at her friend, and mutters, "I'll be back in a minute." She keeps a careful hold on her throwing star, and walks into the Common Grounds.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard brings her broom into perfect connection first with the head of poor talkydoor, and then on top of the snickering hat. THEY SHOULD KNOW BY NOW, THIS IS HOW PHYLLIS COMMUNICATES!

Badass Kestrel pauses when she notices that woman doing something with her broom. She can't leave her friend like this.

talkydoor watches the broom whirling, and thoughtfully sights down her plasma gun. However the weight is too much, and she drops it into the snow again. "So you solve confrontation with violence, huh?"

Badass Kestrel steps forward, and delivers a powerful, stinging slap onto that dreadful woman's face. "Don't you dare touch my friend."

talkydoor got hit! "Aargh!" She sprawls into the snow. "This how you hope to get votes? Seriously?!"

Badass Kestrel steps back a few paces again, still between talky and Phyllis.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard ignores a mere slap, she's had worse; Like when she had to tidy a whole CDAG banquet by herself, when Mountjoy had the hangover. She decides to keep Kestrel alive for a second, the better to.. .

talkydoor holds her head. It was fragile enough before. She glares balefully at the woman. "Can't take a joke.. ."

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard pauses, "Votes? What is this one talking about?"

Badass Kestrel grabs talky's wrist, ready to pull her to safety at a moment's notice. She looks back to Phyllis. "We can leave it like that, if you like. You hit my friends, I hit you, we're even."

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard regards that one, fish-eyed, "That one is nowhere near even. That one ought to start running. That one better be thankful One has a lot on One's plate at the moment."

talkydoor frowns. "I dunno. Thought you were in politics or summit. Public opinion not worth owt to you?" Badass Kestrel nods, partially thankful for the escape route she's been given. She glances down at Talky. "Common Grounds?"

Badass Kestrel is trying to show, through faciual expressions, that she doesn't think it wise to talk to Phyllis like that. She doesn't want her friend hurt even more.

talkydoor shakes her head. "Thanks, but I've got fightin' to do. An' my head hurts too much for the grounds."

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard mulls this over, "What are politics? Strange facial expressions of the people? One knows not what that one speaks of."

Badass Kestrel nods again, and bows slightly to Phyllis. "Until we meet again." She keeps her expression perfectly civil, and starts heading to the Common Grounds.

talkydoor blinks. "I thought it meant something to do with leeches, actually." She looks the woman up and down, then struggles to her feet and shoulders her weapon.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard turns away, looking for the hat and the rookie, mere politesse means nowt to her, and besides, she's revenge on her mind.. .

talkydoor shrugs and heads from the jungle, pausing only to say, "I'm sure I'll see you around," before going to kill some beasties.

Badass Kestrel 's dragon swoops in unseen, and hides immediately in a tree. Badass Kestrel 's dragon is a bit confused - he thought someone would be arriving soon. But he waits patiently, following his instructions.

The Shed

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard furiously starts to hammer metal plates she's salvaged from dormant GoBots across the doors and windows around, this'll teach that pesky hat to stick it's brim where it's not wanted!7

The clan halls

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard comes, like a tornado, back into the clan hall. She's a face that's lit by fury, and she's looking for the hat.. ."Here that one, that one, that one.. ."

Golem of Paul Lo adds some thickener (aka starch) to the plot. And puts another bundle of ciggies in the clan stack. Then dive back into the Harejoker's hideout.

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock trudges in from 404, muttering about folks with no vision. He begins looking around for his dear turtledove, pouring a G&T for himself and her a sherry Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock notes a new applicant, and sets about composing a letter. Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock pauses in his scribbles to toss some cigs in the pot

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim is dragged out from under the tree by Bruce, who drags him to his feet, slaps his face and yells at him "Sink ye barmy wolf bastad, git up! That flamin' woman's on one again.. ."

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim stands, agog, as the cook slaps him around a bit "She's nicked all the cake, and she keeps ratching aboot in your workshop. WAKE UP YOU TW.. ." Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim slaps Bruce back, to keep him for profaning too much.

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock looks up at the distinctive sound of a good wolf-slapping. And him without his regulation glove! He shrugs and composes a *shudder* love letter, leaving it beneath the sherry glass.

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim pulls himself together, stomping off to the workshop, and coming back out all hairy. He heads off, towards CC404, at full lupine pace.

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim pauses, turns round, and sticks his head round the door. He lobs a glove, a heavy, metal studded biker glove, at Denis, then sets off running again.. .

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock catches a studded glove.. .full in the face. He picks it up "Well, this just won't do! You'd be laughed out of the national wolf-slapping league wearing that ridiculous number!" he digs in his bag!

In CyberCity, the plot, like gravy browning, thickens:

Badass Kestrel walks through quickly, and brushes angry tears from her eyes. She stares, repulsed, at the footprints, then heads into the clan halls.

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock plods slowly in from the southwest, muttering to himself. Barely audible are words like ".. .no vision.. .they just don't understand.. .a sweetheart, really.. ." he heads to the bingo hall Badass Kestrel walks back through, and stares again at the floor. Her expression is that of the purest loathing when she walks out of the city again.

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim trots into town, panting. He stops in the square, glancing around. No sign of any of the political troublemakers.. .He's not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.. ..

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard comes thundering back into CC404, she's been doing some DIY to the shed she found. No problem.. .

talkydoor walks in and immediately hides behind some corrugated iron. This town was once her refuge.

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim sniffs as Phyllis enters town. He slinks behind the fountain, hiding out and watching the loony ex-cleaner. What the hell is she up to?

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim glances over at Talky. He raises a sympathetic eyebrow, as if to say, "I know, she's a bloody terror.. ."

NesQuarX is seen crouching beside talky.. .he whispers in her ear "Hi!"

talkydoor jumps. "Oh, it's you.. .S'gonna take me a while to get used to that again. Can you see that woman?"

talkydoor beckons the human over to join them in their oh-so-secure hiding place.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard has turned back on her heel and left the Bingo Hall, she thunders back towards that shed, where she has yet more work to do.. .

NesQuarX sees Phyllis.. .whispers to talky again, "Yes, she.. .it seems a bit odd.. ."

talkydoor nods and whispers back, "Normally I would trust g_rock's judgement but in this case.. .it's almost like he was brainwashed. By politics."

talkydoor sits and listens to the echoes for a moment. When she returns to the here-and-now, she is yet more baffled.

NesQuarX seems confused. He talks to whispery.. .erm.. .whispers to talky, "Oh? Was g_rock not being sarcastic there?"

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim pads over to Nes and Talky. The wolf sits on it's haunches, there's a brief 'whup' noise, and a suited Sink is in it's place. "Hi. How do you do?"

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard screeches through the Outpost gate housecoat pockets weighed down with gas torches, irons and pins. There's a trail of same snaking along behind her.. .

talkydoor blinks at Nes, distracted from Phyllis for a moment. "No, I honestly don't think he was! This is what's so worrying, he's normally got his head screwed on straight."

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock strolls out of the clan halls, looking around for his wandering love.

talkydoor nods hello to the werewolf. Whispers, "Hi. I'm talky. I called that lady a witch because of a hangover, and I'm hiding because she's good with that broom." She goes back to watching Phyllis.

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim smiles, removing his hipflask from a pocket and offering it around. "Ah yes, Phyllis. What can I say.. .except for she's a fecking menace. And I gather you've an issue with young G_rock?"

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock tries to catch hold of the fast-moving housecoat, but this proves unsuccessful

NesQuarX nods at SOS, "Hi! I do well, I do not know how or what talky does.. .I'm just having a chat with her." He samples g_rocks thoughts and tells talky, "He thinks odd too.. .Broom, not amusing."

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard sees her Denis and haughtily snaps her fingers so he will approach, and receive his orders.

talkydoor watches the scene thoughtfully. "Well, I did consider g a friend. But he's gone all strange since being human again, and now he's fallen in with her." She doesn't realise how loud she's talking.

NesQuarX nods, "I knew something was wrong with him since the gremlin incident, I've been neutral to him since."

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock stands at attention, saluting with his non-G&T'd hand "Yes, my pet?"

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim grins. "Fallen in, m'dear? Fallen in love . The one thing that makes humans do bizarre, irrational things.. ."

talkydoor scowls at the wolfman. "That's just a horrible thought."

NesQuarX nods again, "Makes all sentiences do so."

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard whispers to Denis, she wants him to barricade Berna.. .her office and ensure the chimney is entirely blocked up. On pain of goolies. There'll be no G&T for Denis tonight otherwise.

talkydoor strains to hear the whisper. "Did you just hear?.. .." She frowns at Phyllis sternly. "Can you read her, Nes?"

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim smiles, removing a flask of tea, and poffering it around also. "Yep, sure gives me the willies. But, what can you do? "

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock nods emphatically and heads back into the clan hall, whistling for Mack

talkydoor happily takes the tea. "Well, she has many enemies. I'm sure if we banded together.. ." She trails off, panicking, as she realises that Phyllis probably has super-hearing.

NesQuarX turns to talky, "She thinks of her office as Bernard, odd, as I told you initially. Quite incoherent."

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard isn't blessed with super-hearing, but she does have the instincts of a rabid mongoose.. .Let's see if those help any.. . Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard turns, ever so slowly, to where the throng huddle together.. ..

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim nods. He may know of something that can be done.. ..

talkydoor blinks at what Nes says. "That is odd. I'm not sure it counts as incoherent, though. I think she knows exactly what she's doing."

talkydoor is blissfully ignorant at being found at, and continues plotting. "We just have to catch her by surprise.

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim notices the approach of the psychotic wo.. .Phyllis. And bows deeply. "Good evening ma'am. How can we help you?"

NesQuarX raises an eyebrow, "She senses us!"

talkydoor jumps with an eep and turns around quickly, to turn rabbit-in-headlight eyes on Phyllis.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard ignores her Minister for Liquor and approaches talky and that one with the odd name, "What are these ones plotting? Do these ones think they can bring One low?"

NesQuarX shakes his head, "Broom again, not amusing at all."

talkydoor blinks. "P.. plotting? No, we were talking about.. .er, a surprise party. Weren't we?" She nudges the others.

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim stands, at ease. "No, ma'am, I was just convincing these ones of the efficacy of your policies, and the veracity of their deployment"

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard there is a low thrum, like an electricity sub-station, emanating from her broom. It must be vibrating supersonically.. . Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard doesn't understand what waffle her Minister for Booze is splashing on liberally, but she knows it stinks worse than his usual aftershave, "Surprise party my left leg."

talkydoor glances worriedly at the broom, then turns her eyes back to Phyllis'. "Yes, we were talking policy, of course. They sound.. ." She stops as she realises she knows nothing about politics.

talkydoor glances down at Phyllis' left leg, then back up at her face. She nervously fiddles with her gun.

NesQuarX nods and prepares for evasive action, supersonic or not.. .he can not even in his wrongest mind attack an old lady.. ."We are chatting. Not plotting."

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock interrupts "Pardon me, my sweet, you've preparations to make! Why don't you let me attend to these riffraff?" Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock assumes an extremely stern expression, drawn up to his full height, arms crossed, eyes steely and unforgiving

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim smiles a somewhat oily smile. He's been taking lessons. "Indeed, ma'am. Your left leg maybe surprised. May I suggest I stay alongside these Ones and monitor their plo.. .progress personally?

talkydoor folds her arms across her chest at that. "Riffraff?!" She tries to make her eyes flash, forgetting her lack of Joker-hood, and merely succeeds in giving herself a headache.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard allows her Denis to take ownership of the situation, for once.. .It's really unlike him, he's usually satisfied to have some orders and the promise of a G&T.

NesQuarX relaxes, if it's g_rock, he'll not be inhibited.. .besides.. .g_rock used to be a gremlin. He smiles and waves at g_rock.

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock nods to Her, eyeing the plotting mob sternly until she turns her back. "Why, how dare you talk such nonsense as to distract my dearest from her appointed tas.. ." he whispers ".. .she gone?"

talkydoor glowers at g_rock, then at Phyllis, then at the wolfman who went suspiciously oily all of a sudden. She glowers at Nes, then remembers he's done nothing.

talkydoor blinks. Mouthes, "Is That You?"

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard thunders off towards the Bingo Hall, where she's going to help herself to a large gin.

NesQuarX catches g_rock's thoughts and aahs.. .that's why it seemed so odd. He whispers.. ."not far enough yet."

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock waits until Phyllis is well and truly gone, then winks at them "Whassa matter, you didn't want to be spared a heavy brooming?"

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim relaxes, now she's gone. He turns to G. "Can we help you?"

NesQuarX watches Phyllis' recede and pulls talky's hair.. .for being glowered at. "Gone now."

talkydoor lets out a breath she didn't realise she'd been holding. "What is going on?" She vaguely remembers Kestrel telling her something, but she was distracted. talkydoor slaps the hand away and then smiles. "Time travel glower, of course," she explains.

NesQuarX frowns again, "I really don't find that broom amusing. What of it and what of that woman?" NesQuarX smiles back at talky, "Oh, it's alright then."

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock grins and passes around a bottle of scotch "Friends close, enemies closer, and all that!"

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim looks suspiciously at G, who is offering round clan Scotch. The Boss would not approve. Sink brightens "Something like that G, something like that."

talkydoor 's eyes light up at the sight of scotch. "Oh, well, that makes sense, I suppose!" talkydoor frowns again. "But what's she up to? And what.. .er, what's happened to.. .You know?!" She wiggles her eyebrows.

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock is not offering the clan stash, rather his own personal bottle of Dalmore "If all goes to plan, my groundwork'll help us be rid of her for good before long."

NesQuarX shrugs, "You microorganisms are odd." Then he turns to talky, "Nice to speak to you again talky.. .I'll take my leave now." He nods at g_rock and SOS, then bows at talky.. .and is not seen.

talkydoor waves at Nes, knowing full well that he moves too fast to see. She turns back to g. "So, you think you're managing? Can I do anything to help against that foul woman?"

talkydoor frowns at the shapechanger. "And what's your position in all this?" Her suspicious look doesn't really work after whiskey.

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock looks puzzled at the eyebrow acrobatics "Well, you know the jolly fellow, spreads cheer, brings toys, not the one with the serrated claws but the real one? Word has it she's got 'im locked up." Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock pockets a conversation lag gremlin

talkydoor nods, narrowing her lips. "I thought as much. That really is evil."

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim grins at Talky. "My position, ma'am? I facilitate . In this case, I wish to facilitate a transition. An egress , so to speak.. .

talkydoor gasps. "Does this mean.. .Is she.. .the White Witch?" She has probably gotten her fantasy confused with reality again.

Returning Contestant Maelstrom drags herself in. "Here.. .took.. .so.. .long.. ."

talkydoor pulls a face at the currently-human. "I don't even understand half those words. What transaction?" Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim doesn't add "And perhaps a triumphal return.. ." to the end of his sentence. He's far too.. .controlled for that.

talkydoor turns her suspicious look onto the bedraggled kitty. "What do you know about all this?"

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock waves to Maelstrom, then turns back "Not so much a white witch, as a pink sociopath, but you get the gist." he grins at Sink's newspeak

Returning Contestant Maelstrom looks up. "Know about what? What is it?"

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim eyes the bottle of Scotch. Dalmore. Hmmm. That can't be Clan, Sink himself finished the Dalmore with The Boss some time ago. Hmmm. Sink turns to G_rock.. .

talkydoor nods in relief at the kitty's response. "Ah, good, me neither. Scotch?" She's far happier offering other people's alcohol around.

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock pauses to holler, loud enough to reach the clan halls "And furthermore, you pathetic sods, if you were half as dedicated as Phyllis.. ." before returning to a hushed tone

Returning Contestant Maelstrom: If.. .it's up for the offering, certainly.

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim raises a hand, becoming a clawed paw en-route to G's face. He stops, the talons just short of an ear. "I'm not sure whether to trust you or tear you a new.. .orifice .. .so tell me this:"

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock definitely doesn't EEP!, but is suddenly very attentive

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim leans in and hisses "Who's fecking side are you on, sunbeam?"

talkydoor beckons the kitty over. She doesn't want to be the most clueless person here any longer. talkydoor nods at this last question, and glares at g. "Exactly what I want to know." She shifts her weight, preparing for brawling or fleeing.

Returning Contestant Maelstrom hisses, "What goes on around here, mate? I am very lost."

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock eyes the claws warily, but doesn't back down from the hiss. "Cool your jets, dogbreath. I have been, and remain, on the side of the clan. I've been runnin my arse ragged looking for Bernard.. ."

talkydoor whispers to the newcomer, "This is g, we're not sure whose side he's on. This is.. . .er, wolfman, and I'm not sure about him, either. I'm a good guy. My name's talky."

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim relaxes, the claw becomes a hand once more and he pats G on the cheek, grinning broadly. "Good call, squire. Sorry, but I had to be sure."

Returning Contestant Maelstrom: "Good guy? Who decides what's good, azackly? Is there a war going on that I didn't know about? I didn't mean to blunder into a revolution.. .

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock pushes the paw aside (or tries to) ".. .investigating every possible angle. I've been checking out everyone I can find, chasing leads, and I'll be damned if I let that woman keep him hidden."

talkydoor whispers some more, "Okay, looks like g is good after all. That is.. .er, good. And the bad guy's an evil woman called," she checks both ways and whispers, almost inaudibly, "Phyllis." Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock shakes off a lag gremlin

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim turns to Talky. "My apologies, ma'am. I am Sink, one of the leaders of GERM. And with that, I am.. .gone " The suited man becomes a wolf once more, and bolts for the Clan Hall.

talkydoor opens her mouth to say hello, then sighs as yet another potential ally disappears. She glowers up at g_rock. "Sorry for mistrusting you, I suppose." She reaches out a hand, in peace.

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock pats Talky on the shoulder "I'm deeply sorry for any pain Phyllis has caused you, and I was sorry to hear of your divorce. If there's anything I can do, just ask." Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock also grasps the proffered hand "Honestly, I'm glad. It only helped sell my story."

talkydoor shakes his hand, trying not to tear up. "Well, I know. And she only hit me round the head. Horatio does worse to me on a regular basis, and yet I always go back."

Returning Contestant Maelstrom is hit in the head with a distraction and wearily starts the long trek back to the Tree Fort.

NesQuarX walks right past the conspirators and goes through the gates into the common grounds. No he does not seem to notice anyone.

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock stands "I need to go check on my handiwork, and I don't want her getting suspicious. We'll talk more after she's dealt with, but for now, hang onto that bottle, it'll never run out."

talkydoor waves goodbye to the kittymorph, and to NesQuarX, and looks around for Phyllis again. "So, what do we say happened?" She rubs her hands together enthusiastically. talkydoor nods goodbye to g_rock, and hefts the bottle thoughtfully. Mumbles, "Should get me back down the mountain.. ." and sets out, probably to collapse halfway there.

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock grins "If she asks, which she's probably too freaked to do, you've been soundly chastised, and possibly had your nose or ear tweaked for your cheek." Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock nods and waves goodbye

The Shed. Duplicity and derring do.

Badass Kestrel wanders through, not paying full attention to where she's going. She pauses, and stares in disgust at the footprints. Badass Kestrel dumps her bag on a rock, wincing slightly at a wound on her arm. She sits down just beside her bag, for some rest. Badass Kestrel closes her eyes, with her arms crossed, and starts dozing. She knows it's dangerous to sleep in a place this cold, but she needs the rest.

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock trudges in through the snow, stamping and rubbing his armsa against the cold. He spies Kes and clears his throat "So, is this what you wanted to show me?"

Badass Kestrel starts, and half-smiles when she sees him. She stands, brushing off her clothes, and gestures to the boarded-up shed.

Badass Kestrel stays where she is. "Not just this. I also wanted you to know that you clan leader feels that she's above the law. Marching around like she owns the place, and beating people to a pulp."

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock certainly doesn't wink. "And? It's a shed, albeit a particularly well fortified one, but a shed nonetheless. Sheds and their uses are a long and proud tradition among GERMans." Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock pops a lag gremlin in his bag. "And why shouldn't my Phyllis? Anyone who could create sucha magnificent shed is certainly worthy of some latitude!"

Badass Kestrel looks very startled, and slightly angry. "My friend, talkydoor, just got divorced. She was sitting, alone, defenseless, and was nearly brained by that foul woman."

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock struggles to not look sympathetic, but rather nonplussed "Well, that is a terrible thing for her, but perhaps my dear sweet turtledove was trying to help in some way!" Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock adds "You know what they say, a swift brooming a day keeps depression away!" Badass Kestrel just stares at him, trying to make sense of his words. "She was marching around, brandishing a broom, and threatened to torture me for protecting Dave."

Badass Kestrel waves away the lag gremlin, just staring at him. "You're utterly mad. Just like her. You're mad."

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock looks positively furious.. .or slightly ill, he's not very good at furious. "Well, I cannot beleive that a supposed close personal friend such as yourself would try to harbor a traitor!"

Badass Kestrel starts shaking slightly with supressed rage. "A traitor? To who? That which is right, or your precious darling?"

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock pulls himself up to his full height, his voice cold and imperious "And why should those things not be one and the same? He's a traitor to his clan leader! One had every right!"

Badass Kestrel just stares at him for a moment, then speaks more softly. "G, I know you. You're a good person. What has she done to you, friend?"

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock has no trace of a smile in his eyes, which have gone cold and steely. He meets her gaze, then looks away "She's done nothing to me. I.. .my responsibility is to my clan first."

Badass Kestrel stares, and shakes her head. "I won't let her get away with what she's done to you." She looks torn between pity and incoherent rage.

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock shakes his head, hands balling into fists. "What she's DONE to me? All she's done is step into leadership, thanklessly, when that old drunken fool let himself get lost!"

Badass Kestrel starts shaking even more at that. "I won't let her get away with it. She won't get away with it." Her hand twitches towards her shuriken, and she has to fight not to shout. Badass Kestrel wishes that that foul woman were here now. She wouldn't survive unscathed. But she doesn't want to hurt her friend.

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock shakes his head slowly, fists unclenching. He relaxes and turns away. "Phyllis is going to be in charge, get on board or get out of the way.. ." he looks pointedly at her ".. .friend."

Badass Kestrel raises her chin slightly. "No." She looks angrier than she ever has before, as though she'd explode at any moment.

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock looks at her, calculatingly, then turns and walks away toward 404 without another word, pausing to admire the workmanship on the shed before leaving. It starts snowing, gently.

Badass Kestrel reaches out to stop him, then lets her arm drop. She whips out her shuriken and, with formidable speed, throws it into the tree above his head. She takes a few deep breaths, and shoulders her bag. Badass Kestrel reaches out and frees the throwing star, slipping it back into her belt, and leaving a fierce gouge mark in the tree. She takes a few more shuddering breaths, then leaves in the opposite direction. That self-same jingling sound.. .A faint ho-ho-ho, this isn't her shed, it's his. And he'll be back soon! So everyone better be good!

The Phyllis strikes back

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard emerges from the Bingo Hall, she's looking calm and relaxed (for once). She breathes in the cold air and smirks, cruelly. She is, she believes, safe. Safe from his ministrations.

Jon Bishop tiredly enters. He has a mild shiver. Not from the cold, of course, but from the smirking woman.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave drifts in from the southwest, keeping to shadows and moving slowly, as if just another bit of debris, careful not to let his bells jingle too loudly, at least not while there isn't a covering wind. The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave glances about to watch for Her, not planning on running into her just yet. He has to get something to G.. .or Sink.. .someone! He sneaks into the Bingo Hall, as quietly as a hat wearing a bell can.

Returning Contestant Karunyan gets dumped right into town, smelling of failboat. He slaps himself across the face and mutters something about accidentally wandering into dangerous abandoned factories under his breath.

Badass Kestrel walks in, and bends down to examine the footprints. She stiffens slightly, and slips into a gap between two buildings. In cae she returns. Badass Kestrel really hopes that the typo gremlin won't reveal her whereabouts. She nudges it carefully to the Common Grounds. He can have a good job there.

Show Magician Omega: Whirrs. Then starts counting the online services. Slowly.. .

The Shed

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard is now sneaking around with a length of wire, some marbles, tacks and all sorts of 'Home Alone' shizzle, which is liberally strewn hither & thither, at about reindeer height, or a certain someones.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave , riding a strange wind up the mountainside, is deposited in the snow near the shed. The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave spots the Phyllis-made traps, and shakes his feather sadly. He then notices two more pairs of footprints in the snow, and studies them intently. Kestrel, and.. .he's not sure, but the other is G? The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave 's feather nodnods excitedly! G knows about the shed! He goes about attempting to disarm or at least prematurely set off some of the traps, with little success. The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave 's bells jingle as he works, rather unsuccessful in his attempts. He manages to spring a twin-paintbucket trap, but not much else. He settles to the snow sadly, staring at the now steel-plated shed. The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave scuttles over to the main door and places his feather against the steel.

A familiar jingling sound echo across the mountains, and seems to smile. Silly things like this won't stop Him.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave allows himself to be picked up by the wind again, drifting towards CC404. The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave clutches a document tightly in his feather. The lease to the shed. Her name is nowhere to be found.. .just His. He stows the paper as he drifts off.

A brief interlude in CC404

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard ullulates wildly as she careers through CC404 towards the gates, barely pausing to run her broom ever-so-bloomin' close to Kestrel she can smell the varnish, and exits, towards the Shed! Her Denis!

Civilian BuckNasty positively beams. "Uh, its hidden. Me and my friends built it up! Didn't want the usual riff raff getting in."

Badass Kestrel starts, and barely dodges the broom in time. "That's the woman we should have run from." She bites her lip, wondering whether she should follow.

Badass Kestrel thinks for a moment, and rummages in her bag. There's a slightly clumsy streak of blue, and her small dragon flies out of the city.

: Civilian BuckNasty is glad that she missed them. "You need to go after her? Go ahead, I understand. Spy and dagger games." Civilian BuckNasty: Well, not games it seems. But you know what I mean. That was mighty quick broom she was on.

Badass Kestrel nods, relieved that she doesn't have to explain. "I'll visit if I'm ever in NewHome. It's been good to talk to you." She hefts her bag, grins again, and leaves.

Civilian BuckNasty throws a stone at the clan hall the lady on the broomstick came from. Maybe that will provoke someone to come out to talk.. .

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock comes tear-arsing out of the GERM hall after Phyllis "Wait, my pet, you'll catch your death out he-"THUD, he's knocked over by a flying stone "Bloody hell! Right, oo threw that?!"

Civilian BuckNasty takes a nap.

Badass Kestrel didn't actually want anyone hurt - just glared at. But she isn't here to complain.

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock glares. Not at anyone, just a general glare. Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock seems to decide that the scrapheaps have been glared at sufficiently, and heads back into the clan hall.

Badass Kestrel heads in again, but there's no sign of her dragon. She returns to her hiding place between the two buildings, and waits.

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock walks out of the clan hall and saddles up for some crate hunting. He sets off in a north-of-New-Pitt, south-of-acehigh-wardly direction

Badass Kestrel also slips out, to do some jungle fights.

Civilian BuckNasty wakes up, stuck in town still. Damn he got someone to come out and he missed it. Blah. "Anyone around?" Civilian BuckNasty sends Tango off to hunt down some extra pigeons. He is running low.

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim steps out of the GERM Clan hall as well, acutely aware of the danger of flying rocks. He straightens his suit and steps forward. Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim waits some time, but nothing nasty happens to him, so he strides on, heading for the jungle.

Out at the shed, some old friends and some new.. .

Dancer Prancer SNUV and TreacleMoon whinny, neigh, whine, whirr and whinge in the paddock. TreacleMoon, particularly is complaining about the cold, and bashing herself with her mittened hands. Her nose has taken on a rosy hue.. . Dancer Prancer SNUV and TreacleMoon seem to be at odds as to who will be leading the sleigh, when it arrives. SNUV, being the strongest, and most powerful is disadvantaged by being as daft as a butcher's dog. The reindeer? Well.. . Dancer Prancer SNUV and TreacleMoon will obviously find it difficult to come to an accord; Treacle seems to suggest she should lead. The reindeer stand in the corner, muttering to one another, sotto voce. One lights a ciggy. Dancer Prancer SNUV and TreacleMoon are still chuntering amongst themselves, except SNUV appears to have lost interest and is busily churning up the majority of the paddock, whilst the rest avoid clarts of mud flung by his huge tyres Dancer Prancer SNUV and TreacleMoon will just have to wait until he returns and decides who will lead his sleigh. SNUV meanwhile will busy himself trying to lick his nuts. Treacle just wants to go inside. The reindeer plot.. .

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard emerges from a snow drift which had taken her, straight into the paddock, and straight into the path of SNUV. Now anyone who knows Son of Zimmer & Jag knows it's three tonnes of metal piping & poor Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard stands little chance of avoiding the daft pilbeam, and is caught up in its huge knobbly tyres, industrial strength shock absorbers and spaceframe. All you see is one pink-clad arm, mud and smoke.. . Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard is however, made of very stern stuff, as anyone who has been broomed by her will attest. She struggles to her knees, trying to throw off SNUV who is trying to nuzzle at her, "Stupid car!" Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard notes with some distaste that SNUV appears to be leaking oil all over her. Even more distaste is directed at TreacleMoon, who Phyllis believed turned Bernard astray back in S1. She glares at her. Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard receives a glare in return. TreacleMoon is also made of stern stuff, she has to be to put up with Bernard. Treacle makes a dive for her expression of contempt, to be met by Phyllis' steely eye. Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard has, stupidly, ignored her own, ancient laws, and stepped into a battle where she is outnumbered, and in Treacle, matched for sheer bloody-mindedness and gumption (if not vicious nature). Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard decides to beat a hasty retreat, back to find the one person she can rely on.. .Denis! Back to the clan halls, and her armoured (and barricaded) office. She shakes her fist at Treacle, SNUV et al.

Badass Kestrel 's dragon is flying high above, just a blue-ish fleck in the sky, and Kes herself is nowhere to be seen. Her dragon waits, and watches.

The Bingo Hall, more duplicity and even more derring do.. . And a duel?

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock trudges in from 404, muttering about folks with no vision. He begins looking around for his dear turtledove, pouring a G&T for himself and her a sherry Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock notes a new applicant, and sets about composing a letter. Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock pauses in his scribbles to toss some cigs in the pot

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim is dragged out from under the tree by Bruce, who drags him to his feet, slaps his face and yells at him "Sink ye barmy wolf bastad, git up! That flamin' woman's on one again.. ." Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim stands, agog, as the cook slaps him around a bit "She's nicked all the cake, and she keeps ratching aboot in your workshop. WAKE UP YOU TW.. ." Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim slaps Bruce back, to keep him for profaning too much.

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock looks up at the distinctive sound of a good wolf-slapping. And him without his regulation glove! He shrugs and composes a *shudder* love letter, leaving it beneath the sherry glass.

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim pulls himself together, stomping off to the workshop, and coming back out all hairy. He heads off, towards CC404, at full lupine pace. Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim pauses, turns round, and sticks his head round the door. He lobs a glove, a heavy, metal studded biker glove, at Denis, then sets off running again.. .

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock catches a studded glove.. .full in the face. He picks it up "Well, this just won't do! You'd be laughed out of the national wolf-slapping league wearing that ridiculous number!" he digs in his bag

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard scurries back into the Bingo Hall, totally fraught, she'd heard some jingling, and some jangling out there.. .

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock comes up with a soft woolen mitten, worn across the palm and back of the hand, that smells slightly of dog-breath and bacon. He eyes it, and drops it back in his bag with a nod.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard screeches at the two duelling macho lug-heads, "These ones will stop this pointless bickering! Danger lurks! DANGER and these two are battling like idiot sheep!"

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock walks in from 404, whispering to Mack. Soon, a number of carpenter and metalwork gremlins are whispering with some from the artists guild. They head to B.. .Phyllis' office Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock 's gremlins build some impressive looking fortifications across the door using paper mache, and cap the chimney with aluminum made to look like plate steel. The fakes are indetectible.

There's a faint jingle jangle, as if by sleigh bells, and it reverberates around the clan halls. A faint, and getting fainter ho-ho-ho flits from the fireplace.. .

The Bingo Hall, later

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave sneaks into the Bingo Hall, using the tree stuck in the door as cover. He climbs the thing carefully, making sure not to disturb anything in his passing. It's slow going, but The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave makes it to a vantage point where he can watch the goings-on without being noticed. He hopes a certain collection of drunken floating heads don't give away his position.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard emerges from behind the door leading to the second floor lavvys, strange, considering no-one has ever seen her 'go' before.. .She sneaks up behind that traitorous hat!

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave feels a tingling in his brim and his feather whips around in time to see

Phyllis approaching via the upper balcony. He reaches behind himself quickly to pull out a wooden sign: Bugger, spotted.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave stows the sign and slides down the tree. His bells jingle as he dodges branches and decorations. The slide ends out the door, and he is gone, for now.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard storms after that daft bloody floating hat, broom in hand; it's singing in the night, humming with desire for death and destruction and the crushing of that dam' chapeau!

The Trap is Sprung. The Bingo Hall.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard returns to the Bingo Hall, having left a right palaver back at His shed out there in the snow, "Where is my Denis? I need him! Bring him to me now!" She demands of a junior clannie in a red top Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock hears the gentle birdsong of his dearest heart "What is it, my pet?" Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock pauses to toss some smokes in the pile

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard addresses her Denis, "I want them all out of the cabinet! That Minister, that one. The dog. And the hat. Those ones are plotting against me. Like John Major! Hunt them down, my Denis, hunt them!"

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock nods and salutes, eyes sympathetic. He offers her an arm and gestures toward Bern.. .Her office, picking up a large glass of Sherry along the way "You do too much, my pet, and only your Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock appreciates it. Worry not, I shan't rest until every last threat to GERM is removed." he turns his head so she won't see the glint in his eye at that last bit Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock hurriedly puts locks and chains on all the cabinets ('cept the liquor cabinet, o'course, that won't stay locked.) "They'll not get in there again!"

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim slides in to the back of the hall, the hairs on the back of his neck standing so straight he looks like a grey-white Sonic. The game is afoot, it seems.. .

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock , upon bundling Phyllis into her office with a cool cloth and a large glass, her feet up on the desk, notices Sink padding along. He tries really really hard to grab him, but trips and misses

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim slinks down to the workshop, having just barely avoided Denis. He heads for some of the machinery, and starts work.. .

CC404 (Briefly)

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim strides through the square, a wooden box under his arm, black overalls covering his suit. He heads out of town, striding for the hills. Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim pads back through, job done, for now. And back to waiting.. .

Plots and Plans. Pots and Pans. Plots and Plans. Plots and Pans. The Shed.

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock looks around sternly at the.. .reign.. .deer? He winks very subtlely, then hollers, loud enough to hear from 404 "Right, look, you've no business giving Her the.. .business! So behave!"

Head Chef Cookie sneaks by, avoiding detection the way only a typo gremlin can, and slips a few sugar cookies between two slats on the shed

Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim strides up to the summit, and to the waiting party. He reaches into the wooden box under his arm, handing out food for Treacle and the reindeer and oil for SNUV. He also brought Treacle a jacket.. . Eminence Gris SinkOrSwim .. .the reindeer a couple of heavy blankets and SNUV a reheat valve. He hands Treacle a small black bag, marked TNP in white letters. "For when the time comes". Sink heads back down to town.

Badass Kestrel heads in, and looks around. Wary of any people possibly hanging around, she slips behind a tree, and her dragon stays circling above. Badass Kestrel slips away again, taking her dragon with her.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave drifts in from the south, riding a stiff wind up the mountainside. He hops off the breeze to land in TreacleMoon's cart, bells jingling. He grabs a candy cane from behind him and offers it to her. The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave corrects himself: He lands next to the woman, offering the candy cane as previously described.

Time rushes on. Has everyone done their shopping? Sent their cards? CC404

Badass Kestrel wonders how Jokers could ever be disturbing. Not seriously the glowing green eyes, or the tendency to walk a few inches above the floor, or the instant teleportation? That makes no sense whatsoever.

Rookie Rakeela: Top o' the world! Not quite as nice as top o' the morning, but what with the shortage of breakfast cereals, we do what we can. Rookie Rakeela runs away, having hopefully confused a few robots.

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock walks out of the clan halls in a particularly southeast-y, recently visited-y direction, and doesn't look at Kes

Patchwork Brunor walks into the outpost. Clicks and whirs are heard as he maps the layout, comparing it to the outpost of his memory banks. After a few minutes, he heads off in search of a weapon.

Christmas wishes (and gifts) The Bingo Hall

Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock adds dozens of gaudy baubles to the tree, golden hats, silver wolves, bronze mud-people, and copper ravens. He adds several empty Jameson bottles and laphroiag quarter-casks, and runs before it tips Phyllis Denis AKA g_rock 's narrator wishes all his clannies a merry/happy christmaHannuKwanzaaStice, based on the personal observations of each, in case he doesn't see them before then

Golem of Paul Lo goes back in front of the pile of cushions and recycle two signs into a bigger one. It says, "Merry solstice to all, and don't forget your sacrifices/donations/songs/prayers for proper deity/ies"

Golem of Paul Lo seemingly unhinges its jaws in a yawn, then dives back into the hideout.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave ducks back in to leave a small sign on the tree: "And a happy Saturnalia or Yule if you swing that way, too!" He darts back out of the bingo hall before SHE sees him.

Floating Heads Fergus frown at all these interesting events. They'll miss most of them do to the fact that they're going to be in a drunken coma since their narrator will be gone until two days after Christmas.

Floating Heads Fergus leave a bottle of a very good (and potent) brew for each clannie under the tree (yes, they're floating sideways) to be enjoyed Christmas day. They have many bottles up in their nest to ensure comas.

The Hat Formerly Known As Teh Dave ducks back in to leave a bottle of something called "Fire Water" (Cinnamon Schnapps that lives up to its name) in Fergus's nest, wrapped in easy-tear wrapping paper with liquor logos covering it.

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard screams from within Berna.. .Her office, she comes rushing out, face like a sheet of ice - cracked - she slams the door behind her and makes a dart for CC404.. .

CC404

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard emerges from the Bingo Hall, and storms through CC404 towards the scene of what she intends to be the final battle.

The Shed

Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard comes thundering in, fuming. Witnesses swear they can see smoke, (or more probably steam) coming from her nostrils. What everyone is in agreement regards is her eyes. They flash, ice blue. ICE BLUE Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard walks straight past the hat, the two reindeer, the woman with the red nose and the enormous, cavorting GEBOB. She storms towards the front door of the shed, and wrenches it off its hinges. In goes Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard , straight inside. Not waiting for an invite.. .

"Hello there young lady" comes the voice from within, "What's your name?" "You know One's name you daft old berk! What are you doing sitting in here, with all these midgets?!" There comes the sound of sleighbells, and then a booming, basso profundo "Ho, ho, ho. And have you been a good girl this year?" "That one knows One hasn't! So.. .What.. ." Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard asks, "Is that.. .fat.. .One going to do about it?" "And have you brought your letter with you?" "WHAT?" screeches the pink housecoated loony, "WHAT IS THIS ONE ON ABOUT?" her knuckles white.. . "And what about your mummy and daddy, where are they?" a tear pricks at the icy eyes, and begins running, between the crags of her face, "That's what you want for Christmas, my dear?" Phyllis - MP for Wooton Bernard 's eyes fill up. Her chest racks with a cough, she hawks up some phlegm and spits it at the big red fella's feet. "Don't think that one knows this one! FOOL!" She swings her broom, and it connects.

There is a BLINDING flash of light. Then smoke. A long pause. Huge, in fact. And then, and only then, movement. And HE emerges, not a scratch on him.

The Bingo Hall

Twas the night before, the night before Christmas and all through the room. Not a thing was a-stirring, especially that broom. He moves lightly through.

The Shed

Hippy God of Snowy Peaks Raimar comes over a snow drift, on his regular route, when he sees a FLASH!! As he reaches the ridge, he spots a man emerging from a shack. Hippy God of Snowy Peaks Raimar 's hand shoots up to his mouth. Could it be.. .? Could it possibly be.. ..? He quickly darts away. He must be asleep when he comes, or he won't leave any presents!

 
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the_real_story_of_christmas.txt · Last modified: 2017/05/28 03:35 (external edit)