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 Nocturnal Submissions, submission thread
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Twosocks Monkey
 Sunday, April 29 2012 @ 02:04 PM UTC (Read 2969 times)  
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Every island needs a newspaper, and every newspaper needs a book review column.

R. Harpo has started one titled Nocturnal Submissions, aka Harpo's Book Club and Sundry .

This is the thread to submit either in character or out of character ideas for books to review. Feel free to give title, author name, quotes from the book, plot summary, or more.

Or less! Format be darned, I don't care, but I have a feeling you all can help me come up with hysterical On-Island titles for books that never existed.

Have at it.

Example: This one has been around for awhile, not sure if Micha or Escemfer or someone else made it up, but it's a great title, "Ebenezer and the Lusty KittyMorph."

PS: This is not at all related to Full Metal Loin, though it may be an excuse to try something similar...possibly, maybe.


moooooooooo Visit and help me finish the monster list: goo.gl/rpBGe (Ya'll mostly know me as CLOG, fyi)
 
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Full Metal Lion
 Sunday, April 29 2012 @ 03:05 PM UTC  
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This makes me feel less unique, but also less like I slighted the wiki gods with my column. It's a wash, really. Allow me to throw my brick onto your bonfire, and refute your claim that this has nothing to do with Full Metal Loin.

Stuff What Happened Last Tuesday*
*and on Previous and Subsequent Tuesdays

By Full Metal Loin

A red book, with a picture of Full Metal Lion posing over-dramatically in a "thoughtful" pose on the cover. Inside are a bunch of "hilarious", embellished, and self-congratulatory stories, which Full Metal Lion apparently claims happened to him on various Tuesdays. At Harpo's time of review, the book will not yet be in print. The Enquirer Printing Company/Whoever will send it to him in order to criminally paraphrase him for a nice cover quote. The book has already won many shiny things, such as the New Berry prize for Neobotany, the Pull-It-Sir Prize for making things up, and the Nobel Prize for including a lot of gratuitous explosions. Presumably, the humor in reviewing this book will derive from cleverly insulting Full Metal Loin/Lion, but that's really up to you. Good luck!


 
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Twosocks Monkey
 Wednesday, May 09 2012 @ 12:51 PM UTC  
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And, first review is up.

I have some book submissions from gchatty Islanders, but feel free to send me more here!

PS: Feel free to send 'letters to the editor' here as well and I will post them on the page. Or post them yourself!

-Rose


moooooooooo Visit and help me finish the monster list: goo.gl/rpBGe (Ya'll mostly know me as CLOG, fyi)
 
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Full Metal Lion
 Wednesday, May 09 2012 @ 11:55 PM UTC  
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Having gone with more is more, I'll go with less is more.

The Outpost Series

A Guide to NewHome by Havelock Stern
A well-written guide to NewHome.

A Guide to Kittania by Unknown
This book is written stream of consciousnesses, as KittyMorphs picked it up, wrote a bit, then abandoned it to go squirrel-chasing or some such.

01000001 00100000 01000111 01110101 01101001 01100100 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01000011 01000011 00110100 00110000 00110100

A Guide to AceHigh by Unknown
When opened, this book turned into a glowing green chicken. Allegedly, when it's closed it's supposed to turn back, but no one has yet been able to figure out how to close a chicken.

BRrrAaaaaAAAAAIiNNS by Unknown

A Guide to PV
And Its Many Denizens
By Someone Who Knows


A Guide to Improbable Central by Dan
Useful, if it emphasizes the usefulness of the bar a bit too much.

Bcks s fur pusses
The Midget one.


 
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Harris
 Friday, May 11 2012 @ 07:04 AM UTC  
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Gorseberries Don't Dance
by Alavert Pinkerton

Dear God, Please tell Me that is Sneeze:
A Human's guide to New Pittsburgh
by Johnny Walker

Plumbing and the Science of Drilling through Silly Putty
by Chrissy Simms

Dear God, Please tell Me that is Sneeze:
A Human's guide to Pleasantville
by Johnny Walker

Socially Appropriate Times to Pelt Flesh Contestants with Oranges
by Unit XJ-5, designation: Terrence

Dear God, Please tell Me that isn't Sneeze:
A Human's guide to Squat Hole
by Johnny Walker


"Ain't nothin' left to do but smile, smile, smile." -The Grateful Dead
 
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Trowa
 Friday, May 11 2012 @ 05:13 PM UTC  
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Arms Arms Arms!
A Collection of Medical Journal Excerpts, Machine Guides, and Experiences
by Tanglerot Dandyfoot
Edited by The Stonehenge Group

Summary: Everyone loses a limb or two in the jungle, it's just a matter of time. Rookie contestants will notice the popular choice among veterans without limbs tends to be an arm or two. If you ever find yourself in a pinch, and the hospital tent or New Pittsburgh just don't have any spare limbs, then this handy guide to building your own mechanical substitute is for you! Filled with detailed diagrams and important medical considerations, this is the definitive guide of the Island to replacing your lost, stolen, or sentient limbs, at least until they can be recovered. This volume focuses on arms of varying styles and purposes, but the same principles could be applied to just about any limb.


Something something unintelligible gibberish something.
 
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Collin-Vee
 Friday, May 11 2012 @ 08:12 PM UTC  
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The Ballad of the Sticky Wiggler
Author Unknown

Summary: This epic classic, in excruciating detail (And surprisingly well-written poetic form), details the life and exploits of an ex-employee of the Brothel in Squat Hole, who rose from being jobless to a Jungle Legend, and symbol of beauty among Midgets. "Oh glorious skronk! Doth deliver our stomachs void of contents! They cried, heading to the jungle to meet her, to touch her hairy chest!" is one of the most powerful line of it, though if it isn't a fresh copy, it will more than likely be coated in puke and at least a bit burned from contestants' attempts to "Purge the earth of this horror".


 
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Anonymous: Escemfer
 Monday, May 14 2012 @ 06:27 PM UTC  


That beautiful work of art, Ebenezer and the Lusty Kittymorph, was started by Micha (and I dare you to review it, it's delightful).

The Joker's Bride is one in a series of dirty romance novels about a dark, handsome Joker and his many lovely ladyfriends.

The History of the Octahedron is a nonfiction work detailing the glorious octahedron's place in art, literature, and science, from ancient Babylon to present-day Kittania. One may be astonished to find the octahedron's importance in even events such as The Beginning Of The Universe.

I'm also terribly curious about whether or not I should check out Socially Appropriate Times to Pelt Flesh Contestants with Oranges from the library. Do advise, Harpo!


 
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Makiwa
 Tuesday, May 15 2012 @ 06:37 PM UTC  
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Out Of It!
The OST Handbook - Anon.

The Long Shadow of Fail
The Noob's Lament - Godmod Fairy Queen III

The Cerebral Cookbook - Fingerless Fred
Mindful Menus of Moribund Meals.

A Quiet Life - Emily
The Truth Behind Dan's Quests.

Our Souls Revealed And Other Parts Besides.
The New Home Compendium.


It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
 
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Full Metal Lion
 Tuesday, May 15 2012 @ 10:19 PM UTC  
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Quote by: Makiwa

Out Of It!
The OST Handbook - Anon.


Surely, the OST handbook would have the initials of OST? Or maybe that obsession is particular to me...


 
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Makiwa
 Wednesday, May 16 2012 @ 05:45 AM UTC  
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Quote by: Full+Metal+Lion

Quote by: Makiwa

Out Of It!
The OST Handbook - Anon.


Surely, the OST handbook would have the initials of OST? Or maybe that obsession is particular to me...



Rumour has it the next in the series Outpost Survival Tactics is in the works although it may be some time before it sees the light of day as the pages are being carved in stone. The volume will double up as a handy blunt instrument.


It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
 
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Twosocks Monkey
 Sunday, June 10 2012 @ 12:12 PM UTC  
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Finally, after much needling, second review is up.

Oranges and Flesh Contestants, what's not to like?

Much thanks to Omega for some of the 'inappropriate' list, Harris for suggesting the book title, and Escemfer for seconding it.

-Rose


moooooooooo Visit and help me finish the monster list: goo.gl/rpBGe (Ya'll mostly know me as CLOG, fyi)
 
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