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Winners of the Drunken Karaoke contest announced!

In October, I asked you lot to sing the NewHome theme song.  It's now January, so I think it's about time to judge the entries!

The contest was announced on the first of October.  The objective was to make up a tune for the words to the NewHome theme song "NewHome is Full of Noobs," sing it, and upload the results.

Hit "Read More" for the sordid details!
I had my reservations about the contest.  I knew, given how these things go and given how the Robot contest went, that nobody would want to be the first.

A week went by.  Then ten days.  I started to worry a bit - someone would have to get drunk enough to have the courage to be the first one.  Someone.

On the tenth of October, I came down with a pretty nasty virus - there's been a lot of them going around in the UK, this winter - and you know what it's like when you're sick.  Morale goes down.  So I spent the next couple of days wearing my mankiest, skinny-knees-poking-through-the-holes pair of jeans, slumped on the sofa with my laptop playing Vector Tower Defence.  Lemsip in one hand, slice of nasty Tesco's Value Pizza in the other, strings of mucus descending onto my foetid, holey T-shirt.  Spitting mouthfuls of snot and half-chewed pizza over my laptop as I shout "GERROFF THE FOOKIN' MAP, YER LITTLE YELLOW BASTARD!" and taking a break every now and then to rock back and forth and whisper "Nobody's gonna do it, nobody's gonna fookin' do it, I'll have to do it meself to start 'em off...  Where's that bastard microphone?"

What had I done?

What monster had I created?

Fortunately I didn't have to subject you lot to my snotty, tone-deaf singing, because on the twelth day of October, Max Dougwell broke the silence.  He started off the contest in the fine old tradition of cheating like a bastard.  Not only did he get a computer to sing for him, he also appears to have borrowed the services of a pigeon to program in the notes for him by pecking on the keyboard with its beak.

Even so, in spite of everything, I was pleased to hear it.

The day after, I was starting to recover from my man-flu.  Icterid, presumably having seen Max's entry and thought "Holy shit, I can win this," uploaded his song.

It was like the sun came out.

(It didn't, obviously.  I live in England.  The clouds parted once, in 1988.  People ran out of their homes, pointed up at the visible two inches of sun, and cried "What the fuck is that?!" before bursting into flames.  We made a disaster movie about it.  "The Day the Sun Came Out.")

It may have been the timing - it came at just the right point to cheer me up after a really crappy couple of days - but I knew I'd have to see something pretty bloody spectacular for this not to win.  I mean, come on, it's set in a pub!  With the sort of confused, polite clapping afterwards where you just know people are glancing nervously at each other and going "What the hell is NewHome?"

Anyway.  I kept the contest open on the off-chance that someone would upload a video of themselves jumping a motorbike over a hundred animatronic SpiderKitties while singing the theme song.  Naked.

The next submission was not someone jumping a motorbike over a hundred animatronic SpiderKitties while singing the theme song (naked).  It was another song from Icterid, entitled "What do you do with a drunken Watcher?"  Woo for more awesomeness!  Although I doubt tying her up and sinking the FailBoat would do more than just annoy her.  Or perhaps amuse her.

Next up, somebody who only Mister Nipploff remembers uploaded something that will be conspicuous by its absence here.  Moving right along.

Icterid - again - seeing an opportunity for an Improbable Island album, created another song, "Me and Horatio Entwhistle."  I've already poured enough praise on this guy, so I'll stop now.  However, in Season Two, Horatio won't be so easily defeated.

Count Sessine uploaded something that fit its description more than adequately, although I did quite enjoy the 1990's-Konami-arcade-game-esque instruments used.

Holy fuck, I actually almost got up and checked the ROMS on my Bells & Whistles JAMMA board to remind myself what audio hardware it runs on...  Truly I am the king of procrastination.  Or the king of geeks, one of the two.  Anyway, cracking on.  What's next?

Oh.  Right.

Okay, yeah, I'm gonna make a cup of tea.

...and I'm back.  The next entry by Zolotisty was actually quite charming.  At this point I'm looking back over the game's beginnings, when I decided to censor the word "tits" in the song in an attempt to make the game more family-friendly.  So, um, yeah - then I spent most of my time on the game talking like a sailor and invented Budget Horse and Midget Brothels, and the whole "Family-Friendly" thing kind of went out of the window.  Funny how a game evolves over time.  Or devolves, whatever.

What's next?  Oh.  OH.  OH GOD.  YOU AGAIN!

The Immortal Count of Saint Germain takes cheating to a new, almost Zen-like level in his entry.  In the comments that follow, his protests of "Honest, I did actually sing it in front of a mic" are met with knowing nods, grins, and rolling of the eyes.

By this point, the secondary contest was under way.  The secondary contest was quite simple: "Show us your Halloween costumes."  For the benefit of other Limeys reading this article, Yanks take Halloween a LOT more seriously than we do.  Probably 'cause they don't have any effigy-burning to do in the next few days.

(a girl once asked me "So what's Guy Fawkes night all about, then?  Is it something to do with sausages?"  I replied with the whole November the 5th spiel, talking of roasted chestnuts, treacle toffee and effigy burning - she didn't believe me.  Nobody in the USA ever sodding believes me when I tell them about conkers, either.  Although that may be because I've just answered a previous question with "Do I know the Queen?  Mate, I've shagged the Queen.  Filthy little minx, she is.")

Anyway.  The entries were all pretty awesome, and to be honest I'm having real trouble deciding which one I like best.

Enada's costume wins points for the "Arrr!" and the hilariously ineffective way she's covered up her face in one shot, while leaving it exposed in the other - thus making her fears of posting her picture on a gaming site (full of freaks and weirdos) apparent for all to see, but also showing her face on a gaming site full of freaks and weirdos.
"Enada, since I know what you look like, we're friends now.  Can I come over to your house?  To be honest I kinda need a place to crash for a month or so.  It'll be okay, I don't want to impose - I don't even use any toothpaste or soap so you won't even know I'm there, honest.  And can you lend me a few bucks?  Also, the thing in the boot of my car, wrapped up in a roll of carpet...  You wouldn't happen to have a couple of shovels handy, would you?  We're going to be best friends forever."

Cheshire Cat's costume wins points because it reminds me of Schrodinger's cat.  Which is awesome.  If the cat is simultaneously in a state of being both dead and alive, then that means it's a zombie cat.  Which is pretty damned awesome if you ask me.

YurianStonebow's costume wins points for some pretty damned cool makeup effects, but it wins even more points when you realise that he shaved off half his beard to make his costume work.  That's commitment, people.  It also raises some curious questions about whether he walked around with half a beard for a few days afterwards, or shaved it all off.  In the perfect world that exists inside my tiny little mind, he did the former option.

Skidge's costume is awesome all around, and props to her and her SO for going with the classic Joker look (probably knowing that there'd be at least a hundred of the new Jokers on the streets that night).  But hey, did you notice that Real Life Skidge really does look like FanArt Skidge?  Look!  Same smile!

Skide also uploaded another photo, taken by a drunk person, which I agree is a terrible photo.  But it looks like a cool costume anyway, and the other photo balances this one out, so it's all good.

So, um, yeah.  Like I say, I can't really decide on a winner here.  So they all get the prize.

Getting back to the Drunken Karaoke contest, I guess I really should make a new album for songs because Icterid went and posted another couple of awesome ones after the contest had closed.  Like I say, I've already heaped enough praise on this guy, but here's a chat exchange that this song prompted:

 me: Basically the game will automatically tailor itself to each player - the things that each player likes to do the most will be the things that the game lets them do the most.
 Emily: nifty :)
 me: Does it sound complicated, to you?
  That's the biggest concern that people have right now.
 Emily: it does, but I've not been playing the game
 me: True, true.
  I don't think your character is still in there, to be honest.
 Emily: that's ok :)
  I am immortalized as the former pickle wench, after all :P
 me: True. There are even songs about you.
  ...I can change the name for Season Two, if you want? :P
 Emily: Nah, it's just kind of funny.
  Do any of the gamers know Emily's the name of your girlfriend?
 me: Some of them do. They tend to find out on the grapevine as they stick around for longer and make friends with the long-term players.
  Others write songs about how Emily is a charm vampire, and bemoan the lack of an option to divorce her.
 Emily: I actually heard that one
  you should have halved his charm for butchering clapton so :p
 me: I'll pass that on to him. He might be flattered that the real-world Emily had something to say about his song, even if it wasn't something nice. ;P
 Emily: hey :p
  I actually thought it was cute
 me: I'll tell him that, too.

...yeah, naming the main love interest in the game after my girlfriend was probably not the most well-thought-out tribute in the world.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed this contest, and I'll announce a new one at some point during the next... oh, wait, I've got to declare a winner, haven't I?  Icterid, like there was ever any doubt.  I mean, come on.  In fact, I'm awarding him $200 worth of Donator Points, rather than $100 as previously advertised, because he submitted a lot of songs and would have won with the first one anyway.

So, have fu- oh, the sodding Tournament server.  Yeah, Icterid won that one too, playing under the name of "Twig," so he's managed to end up with three hundred bucks' worth of Donator Points, the jammy git.  Everybody else mentioned in this article gets a tenner's worth.  Have fun with them!

Thanks for reading, and see you at the next contest!
Winners of the Drunken Karaoke contest announced! | 12 comments | Create New Account
The following comments are owned by whomever posted them. This site is not responsible for what they say.
Winners of the Drunken Karaoke contest announced!
Authored by: Gorbert on Wednesday, January 07 2009 @ 05:38 AM UTC

I feel stupid for saying this because I'm probably the only having this problem, but nothing happens when I click the links for the songs. Any advice?

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Winners of the Drunken Karaoke contest announced!
Authored by: CavemanJoe on Wednesday, January 07 2009 @ 04:42 PM UTC
Yup, it's just you.  It has nothing whatsoever to do with FCKEditor eating up all my links and replacing them with some Javascript nonsense.

I've fixed the links now...  Um, I mean I've taken remote control of your computer and reversed whatever you did that made the links not work.  Yup.
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Winners of the Drunken Karaoke contest announced!
Authored by: Enada on Wednesday, January 07 2009 @ 08:56 AM UTC
I laughed till I cried when I read this. You can't really see my face is the second photo, er, not enough to recognize me <(*.*)>, and as soon as I buy a house you can come visit...for a day...or a few minutes... So keep your fingers crossed that our bids go through (honestly, you'd think as bad as the market is it'd be easier to get a house, but apparently the idea of buying while the price is good is pretty widespread).

The Nappy Haired Pirate
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Why hello there, I'm from the Internet!
Authored by: CavemanJoe on Wednesday, January 07 2009 @ 10:19 PM UTC
You needn't tell me your address - it's okay, I'll get your general area from your IP address and then just walk around and around until I either pick up your wifi or someone tells me where you live.  Or calls the police, and then they can tell me where you live.

It'll be great!  Can I be your friend?  Eat your food, drink your tea, smoke your cigarettes?

Sleep in your bed?

...don't worry, I'm not that creepy!  Hahaha!  We've only been best friends a short time, it'd be just crazy to sleep next to you!  Hahaha!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  No, seriously though, you've got a couch that you can sleep on, right?  'cause I can bring a mattress for you if it's a problem.  I found one under the railway bridge, it's a bit sticky but I'm sure it'll be okay.

Is it okay if I bring my dog?  She's pretty old, and has really bad digestion and quite serious personality disorders, so it's kinda cruel for me to leave her at home.

Oh, I almost forgot, I told my mum she could come too.  If it's not too much trouble, could you have a stairlift installed by the time I get there?

I've got some other friends coming too, you'll like them - they're very keen on motorcycles and beards.  They're a lovely bunch of lads, really - a bit boisterous, but very kind-hearted.  Make sure you've got beer ready though, okay?  And not light stuff - they get really, really easily offended.  Oh, and you might want to just put some sawdust down - Grunk doesn't hold his whiskey too well after a few slugs in the stomach, and the fighting usually starts around 9pm.

Oh, and since I'm bringing the party, can you chip in some petrol money?  Say, fifty quid or so?  Smashing!  See you Saturday!
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Authored by: SicPuess on Sunday, January 18 2009 @ 05:44 PM UTC
...BWAHAHAHA! I'm noting this.

Hy gots a nize hat, dont hyu sink?

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Why hello there, I'm from the Internet!
Authored by: Enada on Monday, January 26 2009 @ 06:29 AM UTC
Strong beer? Never been to America have you? Think more along the lines of half frozen knats piss. You want some real alcohol you go to Las Vegas and get a bottle of 100 proof Everclear.
Then sing the newhome themesong!
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Why hello there, I'm from the Internet!
Authored by: Gorbert on Thursday, February 19 2009 @ 11:47 PM UTC
What are you talking about, America has plenty of strong beer! It's just that you have know where to find the good stuff (if there's a commercial for it, it isn't good).
Sorry, my family is a collection of beer snobs.
Oh, and congratulations on befriending CMJ. Looks like you two will really hit it off.
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Winners of the Drunken Karaoke contest announced!
Authored by: Gorbert on Sunday, January 11 2009 @ 02:17 AM UTC

Wow. These were amazing and hilarious (after I could finally listen to them). You guys are great, especially Icterid. Keep up the awesome.

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Winners of the Drunken Karaoke contest announced!
Authored by: Anonymous on Wednesday, August 31 2011 @ 07:19 AM UTC

{spam deleted}

Edited on Wednesday, October 26 2011 @ 11:41 PM UTC by Count Sessine
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Winners of the Drunken Karaoke contest announced!
Authored by: Anonymous on Tuesday, September 20 2011 @ 07:00 AM UTC

{spam deleted}

Edited on Wednesday, October 26 2011 @ 11:41 PM UTC by Count Sessine
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Winners of the Drunken Karaoke contest announced!
Authored by: Anonymous on Tuesday, October 11 2011 @ 02:57 AM UTC

{spam deleted}

Edited on Wednesday, October 26 2011 @ 11:40 PM UTC by Count Sessine
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Winners of the Drunken Karaoke contest announced!
Authored by: Anonymous on Thursday, October 13 2011 @ 01:57 AM UTC

{spam deleted}

Edited on Wednesday, October 26 2011 @ 11:39 PM UTC by Count Sessine
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