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A magical, life-lengthening substance that'll put hair on your chest and increase your shoe size by at least 2 inches1). Currently the Third most important invention know to man.2)


Alcohol is made by combining 2 parts Joy, 1 part Stress Relief, 3 parts Water, 1/2 parts Unicorn Blood3), and 1/2 parts Hobo Vomit4) in a pressure cooker for 3 days.

Alcohol Throughout History

  • It is a little known fact that those who participated in dumping the tea into the harbor at the Boston Tea Party were completely smashed.
  • From the time he assumed control of France to his death, Napoleon was not sober for more that 2 hours.
  • A closely guarded secret of the Japanese, the first Emperor was chosen by a Sake-Bomb drinking contest. 5)

Forms of Alcohol

  • Beer
  • Wine 6).
  • Spirits, such as Rum, Vodka, and Gin
  • Liqueurs, flavored or sugared alcohols
1) If you know what I mean.
2) First is Alcohol Ice-cream. Second is Irish Coffee. Because two miracles>One miracle
3) this is the evil part. all good drinks are a bit evil, and unicorns are the most evil creatures of all.
4) To give it that kick.
5) On a slightly related note, Japanese bomber pilots in WWII would drink sake before going on bombing runs or suicide missions, making them sake-bombers.
6) No man may drink wine unless in the presence of a woman also drinking wine. Any nearby men may revoke one of the wino's man-cards so long as a witness is present.
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alcohol.txt · Last modified: 2017/05/28 03:34 (external edit)