Enquirer Home Page | Twitter | Back to Improbable Island

The Siege of Booz

Preface - Squat Hole Town Centre

Cantankerous Biggs is supposed to be on duty guarding the main gate to Squat Hole. But the monsters are lying low tonight and quite frankly, he'd rather be enjoying a pint and punch up in Booz. However, orders are orders.

Cantankerous Biggs has tried arguing that if any invaders come in, then Booz is their most likely target, being as it is the most important and valuable building in the whole of Squat Hole. In his eyes at least.

Big Su Skronky disagreed with this analysis however, and made her opinions on the subject very clear to Biggs. The Skronky Pot is equally important to her, as is the Massage Parlour. Futhermore, Biggs is going to "Fackin wull stuy wur eezm put. Un thu fackin gate"

So Cantankerous Biggs is stuck out here kicking his heels doing nothing. His attention is suddenly drawn by a sudden movement. Something comes flying over the gate from outside! Further investigation reveals that it is a half eaten kebab.

Cantankerous Biggs isn't the sort of squat to let such unexpected manna from heaven go to waste. Very few Squat Holians would. They know the value of good food. He goes over to pick it up, a tasty snack on a cold night's gate watch duty.

Cantankerous Biggs' attention is taken up by what is in fact a cunning decoy, and he fails to notice a small group of shadowy figures sneak in through the gates and up Other Shite Road then hide round the back of the clan halls and the Common Ground entrance.

The McThuggers, for it is they, carefully wait until just before New Day. Most of the locals have sent each other to the fail boat by now. Once they return, they'll all be in to Booz for breakfast before a hard days work mining, rolling cigs, or mugging contestants.

The McThuggers pick their moment, then strike! Opprobrium runs round to the front of Booz and runs in screaming. Bilge and Belch quickly cut a hole in the canvas at the back and climb in that way. Other family members follow one or the other.

Now dear reader, you have a decision to make! You can either continue reading about the siege of Booz as seen from Squat Hole town square, or you can read about it from the perspective of being inside Booz. The choice is yours! What will you choose? What will you choose?

The Siege of Booz

Time passes. The New day arrives, and with it, failors bringing back the usual large cart of squats back from the boat. The failors have their customary cigarette while the squats have their customary first fight of the day.

The failors finish their smokes and take the first casualties back to the failboat. The rest of the returnees go to Booz for their morning pint. Pints.

The returnees are shocked to find that they can't get in! Word soon goes round. "Booz uz bin tukun uvur!" goes the cry. Such shocking news soon spreads all over Squat Hole.

Big Su Skronky comes marching over as soon as the news reaches her. "Wot thu fackz uppnin ere? Chlamydia yu luzy dickhead!" She strides towards Booz, but is repulsed by a bucket of by now cold soapy water thrown at her out of the window. She quickly retreats.

Vulgaris McThugger shouts out of the window. "Thutz tu shuw yu thut weez surius! Weez gut Chlamydia und weez gunna huld ur fur runsum!" Big Su is shocked by this turn of events. "Oo thu fack ur yu?"

Vulgaris McThugger turns round, lifts up her skirt and shows her arse out of the window. A tattoo of a zombie donkey is clearly visible on it. "See thut? Duz thut rung uny bulls?"

Big Su Skronky gasps. "Thu McFackers!" "Thutz McThuggers." "Oi suy McFackers!" "Wull Oi suy McThuggers und oiv gut yur Chlamydia tied up in ere! Su wot du yu suy abut thut thun?"

Big Su Skronky has to concede a point, much to her annoyance. So she drops the subject and moves onto the important point. "Wot yu wunt thun?" "Wur oldin yur Chlamydia fur uh runsum loik. "We wunt Foiv mulliun recker fur ur sef return!"

Big Su Skronky screeches "Foiv Mulliun recker? Fur er? Ur yu oot uv yur fackin moind? Oo thu fack wud pay foiv mulliun recker fer er?" "Fur muuliun thun!"

Big Su Skronky "Fur mulliun recker? Oi wuddunt guv yer two recker und uh bur uv sup!" Vulgaris goes quiet. Suddenly there is a roar from Booz, followed by a commotion.

Chlymidia Skronky suddenly appears at the window to Booz. "WOT DUD YU SAY?!?" "Yu erd - oim nut gunna fackin pay fur mulliun recker fur yu! Oi wudden pay too recker und uh bur uv sup!"

Fluffy Morae pads into the outpost, nose wrinkling a bit. However, she did want to explore and see new things, so she decides to stay, slowly looking around.

Vulgaris McThugger is suddenly thrown out uv thu window. Several squats are equally suddenly ejected from the door as Chlamydia storms out. "Oim wurth fackin tun mulliun - uh undrud mulliun recker yu fackin dickeaded fackin dickead yu!"

Fluffy Morae steps back quickly, doing her best to avoid being hit by a flying squat. "What th'fook."

The surrounding squats who have been getting thirsty waiting realise that the way into Booz is suddenly open again. Showing the initiative that squats are famous for they waste no time.

Fluffy Morae decides that it might be a good idea to come back another, less busy, day. She backs out of the outpost, making sure not to step on anyone as she leaves.

The Wanderer Anton Furnael is and has been sitting atop a building, he has a smile on his face as he simply sips his tea and hums softly.

Chlymidia and Su Skronky are locked in a punch up. Relations are going to go through a rough patch for some time.

If you now want to read about this from the perspective of inside Booz, then read this.
If you want to go back and read about other events in Squat Hole, then go here.

Logged in as: Guest (Guest)
boozsiegesh.txt · Last modified: 2017/05/28 03:35 (external edit)