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Who is he?

Cousjava is a contestant on the island1). He is currently a citizen, but of where is unknown2). He is what some call a mutant, but what Cousjava prefers to call a Different Form Of Being3).

Cousjava is Mad. There are several proofs, several of which are here:

  • Talking to himself.
  • Answering himself
  • Disagreeing with the answer
  • Apologising for disagreeing 4)
  • Looking for hair on his knuckles.5)
  • Finding hair on his knuckles.
  • The madness duck says so.


Before the Island

Once upon a time, the person who would one day become Cousjava founded the British Apocalyptic Society (BAS6)7)). This was a mixture of paranoid and cynical people8)9)10) who didn't expect the world to keep on going as had been with all these fancy electronics11) and made preparations for when it ended. Hence, apocalyptic society. They also prepared for just about any eventually, having read 1984, Day of the Triffids and similar things. Cousjava was a rich computer programmer, and poured a considerable amount of money into the BAS As a result, they had a small island off the coast of Scotland, which had been chosen as a)having a temperate climate, b)being geologically stable, c)having moderately fertile soil and d)small enough to easily look after. Large amounts of food were stockpiled here, along with animals and plant seeds. A variety of weapons were here to, from swords to plasma guns.12)This preparation came in handy after the EMP.

On the Island


When he arrived, Cousjava couldn't remember what his real name was. He knew it was something like Cou-s-, struggling to remember it. After a bit of thought about his past the word 'java' came into his head. He rolled them together to create the name 'Cousjava'. it has worked well enough up till now, so he plans to keep on using it.

Racial Dispositions

Midgets: Hates, dislikes everything about them.
Kittymorphs: OK, generally don't bother others, fine with him.
Robots: Dislikes, Too literal.
Humans: OK. Nothing wrong with them.
Jokers and zombies: Doesn't mind, as all he has to do around them is keep an eye on his head13).
Mutants: That's what he is, that's what he'll always be.




Height: 7' 1/4"

Waist: 1'6

Width 8"

Weight: approximately 250 stones15)


Human: Tall, with brown hair and brown eyes. Pinkish skin coulor. Normal for human.
Zombie: Like human, only paler skin and a small of rotting flesh.
Midget: Like human, only his height is 4' 8 1/2".
Kiitymorph: Brown fur, brown eyes, brown tail.
Mutant: You don't want to know.
Robot:Human body, except made of metal. Skin colour is metallic.

Not Vital

Cigs: loads
Req: More than you16)
Hat size: more than 5017)

2) Could be Anywhere
3) Whether is is better is unknown
4) etc., etc.
5) Note: He is a mutant. Therefore, no hair.
6) For short, naturally.
7) For long, it could be called the British Society for Preparing the End of The World As We Know It Through A Variety of Methods
8) Some were paranoid, some were cynical, some were both. A few were mad.
9) Okay, most were mad.
10) All right, all right, they were all mad. Happy now?
11) Surprisingly far-sighted in fact.
12) You see, this was serious.
13) Or two. Or four. As well as several on suckers, and on his belly, and...
15) Weight of the stones themselves, however, is not known
16) Naturally
17) Only 'cos I'm too lazy to upgrade it
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cousjava.txt · Last modified: 2017/05/28 03:35 (external edit)