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Dirk Vanderhuge

Vital Statistics

  • Age: Late 20s1)
  • Sex: Male
  • Height: 78 inches/198 cm
  • Weight: 300 pounds/136.4 kg of solid muscle and bone
  • Hair: Red-Brown
  • Eyes: Cold Blue Steel, baby

Known Information Regarding Dirk Vanderhuge:

  • Blockbuster 'A'-List star of hundreds of action movies.2)
  • Celebrated Lover and Ladies' Man. A real deft touch with the bettys.3)
  • Had cat ears and a tail once.
  • Has a long running grudge with a Lion - this is not connected to the cat ears and tail thing.
  • Does not, in fact, speak French. Or Elvish.4)
  • Will answer to the name Lactiar, but only after some sighing and carrying on.
  • Rumored to be in love with LadyRavenSkye, but then, who isn't in love with Skye?5)
  • Rumored also to have a massive crush on Oni's great-granddaughter, Molly.6)7)
  • Is an absolute teetotaler, and would become incensed if you offered him alcohol.8)9)
  • Was forced at an early age to take up the piano by his mother.10)
  • Required massive amounts of football and baseball playing as a child to make up for all those piano lessons.11)

A Brief History of Dirk Vanderhuge

Dirk Vanderhuge was an actor and stuntman in the action movie genre prior to his trip to the Island. While he never was more than a character actor and frequently played bad guy Heavies or good guy Tanks, he developed a small but fiercely loyal fanbase. Unfortunately, even as he got better and better parts in bigger and bigger movies, his treacherous and rat-like agent, Ira Lipschitz, sold him out to the Island while arranging for all monies derived from Improbable Island royalties, merchandising, ad revenue sharing, and sponsorship deals to go exclusively to himself.

He has made his peace with the Island and settled down with his wife Molly in a cozy little Place called the Tea House. He is often found dressed in armor and gear like a Viking, and there are rumors about that he travels to a world beyond the Island called Valskyr. He is also a craftsman in metals, and makes weapons, armor, and jewelry for his loved ones as well as on commission.

Dirk Vanderhuge's Filmography:

  • Brass Knuckles Buffet
  • Brass Knuckles Buffet 2: Back for Seconds
  • MyFist, Your Face
  • Inferno of Death
  • March or Die
  • Attack of the Stallone Clones
  • Eat This! (Parts 1 through 6)
  • Hubert and the Revered Wyvern of Mischief
  • Half Life (live action reboot)
  • Doctor Destroyo
  • Siege of the Deadly Lion
  • Things Exploding
  • Things Exploding II: Everything Explodes!
  • A Fistful of Your Face
  • Ass, Meet Foot
  • Cloudy With a Chance of Beatdown
  • Raging Blood III: Blood Rage
  • Duke McKickass: The Revenge of General Genocide
  • You, Me and My Billyclub
  • The Resurrection of Hitler
  • Madmen of Spain: They Saved Hitler's Hand
  • Radical Action 2 - Back in Action
  • Meter Maid 2: Maid for Destruction
  • Jane Austen's Sense and Senseless Violence


1) *cough*early30s*cough*
2) Yeah. Not so much.
3) If by deft touch you mean they touch him and he squeals like a terrified schoolgirl, then true!
4) Speaks it all the time. Understands it? No.
5) Skye is not in love with Skye. She infact loves everyone!
6) Oh bollocks! It's quite clear the man is head over heels for her.
7) Since he married her, it's safe to say that this is confirmed.
8) Try it!
9) Or maybe don't...it's really up to you
10) How else would he become so huge?
11) Also took some dance classes.
12) Subject to Revision at any time as we think up more ridiculous movie titles for him
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dirk_vanderhuge.txt · Last modified: 2017/05/28 03:35 (external edit)