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One of the earliest inventions by the scientists at Improbable Central, grenades are handheld bundles of destruction and chaos just waiting to happen.1)


"Grenade": Grey-NA-da

"Grenades": Grey-NA-das.


Grenades are the favorite weapon of Humans, but can be used by other populations as well. While Humans can replenish their supply of grenades daily by unknown means,2) other populations usually have to find grenades in the jungle or have to buy them from Eboy.

Types of Grenades

The most commonly encountered kinds of grenades are:

  • Bang Grenade: This grenade generates a flash and a concussive blast, useful for stunning an opponent.
  • Whoomph Grenade: This grenade is incendiary and causes everything in its blast range to catch on fire. Unlike the other grenades, this one has a multi-round effect as the opponent tries to swat out the flames, so it is best used early in a fight for maximum damage.
  • Zap Grenade: This grenade generates an electric shock that weakens an opponent severely for a short amount of time3).
  • Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch: Long rumored to exist, this grenade can sometimes be found by searching the jungle north and west of NewHome. It causes about 200 points of damage to every monster in range, making it a good choice in multi-monster fights. Also, this grenade is especially useful against the 'small bunny' monster.

How to Use a Grenade

Grenades are simple to use:

  • Step 1: Pull the pin.
  • Step 2: Count to three.
  • Step 3: Throw the grenade at your opponent.

The order of these steps is very important. Do not, for example, throw the grenade before pulling the pin, or else you will be essentially handing the monster a grenade to use against you.4)

When counting to three, be sure not to stop too soon or go on too long. Three shall you count, not stopping at two and not progressing on to four. Three.5)6)

Old Saint Nades

Sightings have been reported on the Island of a mysterious figure named "Old Saint Nades"7), a fat Human/Squat hybrid. Allegedly, he dresses in red, calls people hos, stockpiles his grenades, and gives them all out on Full Metal Lion's birthday. No one has ever witnessed this event of altruism, possibly because Full Metal Lion can't remember his birthday.

1) The Human writer William S. Burroughs once wrote, 'Anyone who can pick up a frying pan owns death.' On this Island, that saying would run more like, 'Anyone who can pick up a grenade owns a whole lot of death.'
2) Rumor suggests they go to the Council Offices
3) Specifically 90% reduction in attack and defense for several rounds
4) And they will. Trust me.
5) We would riff on this a while longer, but the BBC's lawyers have threatened to sue us for copyright infringement.
6) I mean, all the Hitchhikers' Guide references were bad enough.
7) Pronounced "Ol' Snt NA-das"
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grenades.txt · Last modified: 2017/05/28 03:35 (external edit)