Enquirer Home Page | Twitter | Back to Improbable Island

Ice Cream Machine of Doom (tm)

'Any flavor you can think of, and many more you can't.'

The prototype of this curious device was constructed by the Guildmaster of IBHML in the Pilot in the city of Kittania, where it enjoyed immense popularity and became something of a tourist attraction for its unique design, including successful incorporation of a miniature Swiss dairy farm.

Blueprints having been transported through time and space and Cataclysm by a helpful Jokermorph, Mark 2 has recently been constructed in the Common Ground of Season One, where it quickly became quite popular.

DeadMeat had this to say upon the unveiling:

'The ICMoD(II)'s interface is quite simple, and intuitive, you just need to remember a few things.

First: The ICMoD(II) cannot produce Live Biologicals, precious minerals, or rare earths. If you want any of those, as ingredients you'll need to provide them yourself. Simply place them in the hopper next to the microphone. Kittymorphs: Fresh Fish is a Live Biological. Try the low-sugar Mackerel-mouse ripple. It's great.

Second: The ICMoD(II) will not produce anything that would be poisonous to the person ordering it. A Robot can order a double dip cone, Arsenic and Cyanide, but they would be responsible. In other words, no sharing.

Third: The ICMoD(II)'s products are based partially on Things Man Was Not Meant to Know1). The litter and the Ice Cream itself will vanish within five minutes of the end of consumption. That means no trash problem,and you can eat all of the Ice Cream you want and never get fat, or even full. You're welcome.

Fourth: The only accessories that are provided are Bowls, Spoons and Napkins. If you want anything else, you'll need to provide it.'2)

In addition, the products are reportedly set to vanish when their temperatures rise above a certain level, although some psychotropic compounds and effects should last longer, up to 8 hours or so.

DeadMeat has since recovered the miniature Swiss dairy farm (complete with miniature Swiss Alps) from Kittania, where it Improbably survived the Reset, and after a brief shutdown for installation and maintenance unveiled the Ice Cream Machine of Doom, Mark II, Mod A, which among other improvements bears more stable defensive systems.

This stands 25 meters tall, though 15 meters of that is a pair of towers (antennae?) that look like they ought to wriggle. The fact that they don't just makes them look stranger, even with the arcing discharges between them. The miniature Swiss Dairy farm looks strangely fitting under them. The rest of the structure looks to be made of interlocking bands of stainless steel, broken only by occasional antennae, weapons turrets, and the three customer service counters. In use the ICMoD(IIa) behaves in a more biological than mechanical manner. The whole device look like it could get up and devastate the countryside if it chose to, but it doesn't.3) We assure you.

A short maintenance pauseĀ in its normal functioning was used to create massive lightning with its weather control features, in order to power a victorianian machine.

The front proudly bears a large IBHML logo. As DeadMeat moved to a new clan, the old IBHML logo was mounted off, there now is a big EGfBT logo - though the old plaquette on the backside stayed.

1) Trademarked
2) No Slingshots. Poor Moon. Its Ice Cream was all melted by the time it got there.
3) It wouldn't even have to get up.
Logged in as: Guest (Guest)
ice_cream_machine_of_doom.txt · Last modified: 2017/05/28 03:35 (external edit)