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A New Sport is Invented

Cantankerous Biggs and Scumbelly Perkins stagger out of Booz. They've had a couple or ten pints of Wanker as a morning pick me up, and now it's time to go to work. Their daily mission of mercy, bringing relief to contestants overburdened with requisition and phones.

Cantankerous Biggs finds the going hard. The ground is still very muddy from last night's thunder storm, today's sun hasn't yet dried it out, and Biggs is a little unsteady on his feet.

Cantankerous Biggs trips up over Ratpiss Jenkins who is lying comatose in the gutter, sleeping off an earlier drinking session. Biggs tries to catch his balance for a moment, before falling over completely on top of Ratpiss. Other Shite Road is on quite a steep slope.

Cantankerous Biggs and Ratpiss go sliding down the hill, a plume of mud spraying out behind them. This looks like good fun to the other squats in the vacinity, and they all start to find other, unconscious squats to ride, and join in.

Cantankerous Biggs's drinking partner, Scumbelly Perkins, finds Dudgeon Smith, and is soon flying down the hill after Biggs. Dudgeon has a particularly protuberant nose which leaves a deep furrow in their wake as they go down.

Cantankerous Biggs and Scumbelly are followed by Turpitude Carmichael on Dunghill Green. Down they come, past Microcephalus James' chop shop just as Microcephalus comes out, having just finished work for the day. The resulting three squat tangle goes even faster.

Cantankerous Biggs and the other squats recognise a good thing when they see it, in this case at any rate. Soon they are all back up at the top of Other Shite Road, seeing how many conscious squats can balance on top of an unconscious one.

Cantankerous Biggs, Scumbelly Perkins, Turpitude Carmichael, Mumpsimus Blenkinsop (who was just on his way to work in the Skronky Pot), and Sarky Williams, the K&S cook, can all fit on Ratpiss.

Cantankerous Biggs and the rest all go down the hill, ploughing through all the mud at quite a rate. Soon they topple over, and now there is just a ball of mud and squats rolling down.

Cantankerous Biggs and the rest of the mudball hit Microcephalus, who is only just recovering from the first accident. Several other squats who happen to be around also get caught up, and the whole ball crashes into Julia's Squat Massage.

Julia Skronky is pleased with the sudden influx of custom to her parlour, never doubting for a moment that they'll pay up. And they will, although they haven't yet realised it.

Cantankerous Biggs has just been the inventor of Squat Hole's latest sport. Mud Sledging. Surely a candidate for the next Olympics.

See here for more tales from the hole

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mud_sledging.txt · Last modified: 2017/05/28 03:34 (external edit)