Here is a hidden transcript that was previously thought to be lost forever!
The Watcher - 2009-12-29 19:35:38
Listen up, you lot. There are some ugly rumours going around, and it's not good for morale. I've got all sorts of people coming up to me and saying "Hey Watcher, have you heard about what the monsters are doing?" And I keep saying "Mind your tongue and quit wasting my time or you'll lose another finger," and they keep saying "Sorry! I'll be good! Can I have it back so the medic can sew it back on?" And I keep saying "Yes, because I am a kind and merciful Watcher," and they keep saying "Yes, you are the best Watcher ever," and quite frankly I'm getting tired of it, so pay attention while I set the record straight.
The monsters are not becoming more intelligent. They are, as far as we can tell, continuing to stay away from Outposts and not take any notice of large groups of people, preferring instead to feast upon those who are silly enough to wander off into the Jungle on their own. The monsters of Improbable Island are weak and cowardly, and entirely too stupid to band together in order to lay an Outpost under siege. Quite frankly I don't think they have the mental capacity to recognise what an Outpost is, let alone that there might be tasty prey inside.
Discussion of this matter is taboo from now on. You have nothing to worry about at all, and anyone found spreading these ugly rumours will have me to answer to. It is essential that our troops' morale is not compromised. Your beloved Outposts are not in any danger, and most likely never will be.
That is all I have to say on the subject.
Love and kisses,
This was clearly her way of warning us what was coming. Scholars have speculated, and later evidence tends to confirm, that this was done despite a corporate edict from on high. She is not this stupid -- and in fact not stupid at all -- but the Network Executives are.
A short time later, we got this...
Ugh. Fine, whatever.
The Watcher - 2010-01-05 18:36:44
Seems my previous announcement served only to start spreading more ugly rumours, and there are plenty of people down there absolutely terrified of the big, bad monsters that everyone says are ganging up on the Outposts. Well, they're not. Take it from me, they just don't have the imagination to organize themselves like that.
However, I thought it'd be good for morale if I established a guard around the walls of each Outpost - they're not there because they might be necessary, you understand, but just to put your minds at rest.
There. Now you've got blokes with machine guns watching out for you - now can we dispel these silly paranoid fantasies?
Love as always,
And, of course, very shortly thereafter, monsters did start ganging up on the outposts.