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Quackmas is the the jolliest holiday of the season.

All the little boy ducks and girl ducks wake up early in the morning to see all the presents that The Beneficent and Tubby Father Duck has left for them1) under the Quackmas tree2)3)4) Most of the time, they're loaves of half stale bread wrapped in old editions of the Enquirer5); but if they've been naughty ducklings, they might just get a pair of frilly pink panties.6)7)

This illustrious holiday is most notably celebrated by those bleedin' loony Quackers generally by putting up enough stringed lights to make the Island visible from space and throwing a party that involves more booze than decorations. They also celebrate by harassing the general populace with boisterous public drinking and Quackmas caroling.8)9) doing what they always do.

One way that QQQ gets other residents of the island to celebrate Quackmas is by having a midget dressed in red 10)11)stumbling drunk around the island impersonating Santa Clause 12). He offers gifts of rubber ducks to all the boys of girls 13) of the island while shouting out things that has been known to wake the neighbors.

It's truly a magical time of year.

1) Typically while drunk on Micha's hooch or similar.
2) Not a "tree" in the traditional sense.
3) Or the non-traditional sense, for that matter.
4) Listen, it's really just a pyramid of empty beer bottles from the QQQ clan halls. Happy now?!
5) Complete with authentic e-ink stains.
6) Or a lightly used french maid costume if Ol' Tubby is feeling particularly lecherous this year.
7) Pay no attention to the stains. Really. You'll feel better that way.
8) How is this different from how they normally behave?
9) Point taken.
10) Some people claim to recognize the midget right away as a certain leader of QQQ
11) They have absolutely no proof
12) Not to be mistaken by Santa Claws or other variants
13) though he has a preference for good looking girls for some reason
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quackmas.txt · Last modified: 2017/05/28 03:35 (external edit)