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In 2172, a crap commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit.

These men promptly escaped from a moderate security stockade to the New Pittsburgh underground.

Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of misfortune.

If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire. . .

. . . The G-Team . . .

~~~~~~wavy line wavy line wavy line~~~~~

There's also the small matter of Charlie's Angels. . . The Dukes of NewHome. . . Dynasty. . . The Fall Zombie. . . Falcon Crest. . . The Colbys. . . TJ Hooker. . . Airwolf, Manimal. . .

They seem to be taking over the Island. Do you want to help them? Eh?

Do you?

Our Players Thus Far

Episode 1

(3h18m) <GERM> Colonel Hannibal Bernard manages to burst out from the locked garage, and runs, head down towards the cabbage patch.

(1h29m) <GERM> Capt HM - Howlin Mad - SinkOrSwim chunters after him, shooting badly at no-one in particular. Still, many hirsute guys run for cover and return fire, even more wildly innacurate than HM.

(1h24m) <GERM> Colonel Hannibal Bernard lifts his rifle (holding it with one hand, the other engaged in cigar-wrangling) and takes some well aimed shots at the hirsuit chaps in vests who have NP surrounded.

(1h22m) <GERM> Colonel Hannibal Bernard luckily doesn't manage to kill any of the HCV (Hirsuit Chaps in Vests) but they're incapacitated by stones, rocks and in one case a dangling pan, hit by a bullet from a Ruger AC-556.

(1h12m) <GERM> Capt HM - Howlin Mad - SinkOrSwim runs away from the HCVs. They chase after him, and are miraculously bowled over by the grenade he hastily fumbles out of his belt and lobs over his shoulder

(1h11m) <GERM> Templeton Faceman Zahnnie runs after them, complaining loudly about all this fighting before jumping on top of one of the HCV's and knocking him to the ground.

(1h6m) <GERM> Colonel Hannibal Bernard rides the huge swede flinging Zamboni through New Pittsburgh, hurtling powerful rutabagas in the direction of any stray HCVs. "I love it when a plan comes to... URK."

(1h4m) <GERM> Colonel Hannibal Bernard tumbles from the Zamboni, and rolls on the dusty ground... "Team, I hear US Army sirens, it's DEKKER! Leave the HCVs an' jump on our Zamboni, and lets go find BA!"

(59m58s) <GERM> Capt HM - Howlin Mad - SinkOrSwim runs to the Zamboni, desperately clinging on to the rear framework as they razz around in circles on it.

(57m59s) <GERM> Templeton Faceman Zahnnie takes a moment to kiss the beautiful reporter goodbye before leaping on the back of the Zamboni. "Uh-oh Murdock, Hannibal's on the jazz!"

(56m50s) The Zamboni scoots about, running over HCVs. It reaches the edge of the outpost just as a number of olive green military police cars arrive, one man shaking his fist at the fugitives.

(55m46s) <GERM> Colonel Hannibal Bernard waves at Colonel Dekker, cheerily, the other hand gripping his cigar. No hands driving the Zamboni.

(54m34s) <GERM> BA Baracus Bishop drives in, in a black and gray van, then bursts out of the door.

(53m55s) <GERM> Capt HM - Howlin Mad - SinkOrSwim removes one hand from the frame for long enough to blow Dekker a raspberry, complete with waggly hand-to-nose movements.

(53m49s) <GERM> Templeton Faceman Zahnnie pulls out an oversized sack, "Okay, I got everything off the list except the rubber chickens... including the ten gallons of blue paint..."

(53m10s) <GERM> Colonel Hannibal Bernard makes a little 'yay' sound under his breath, "BA! Throw some men over your head!" Hannibal leaps from the Zamboni himself, and bundles over the nearest olive green clad MP down a small slope

(52m46s) <GERM> Templeton Faceman Zahnnie looks up, "BA! For the love of god man, get on the Zamboni!"

(51m42s) <GERM> Templeton Faceman Zahnnie sees Hannibal leaping off and sighs, "And now we fight, again..."

(51m6s) <GERM> Colonel Hannibal Bernard shouts over the tumult of military siren, HCV wailing, small-arms fire, Zamboni screeching and swede thudding into sorry villain, "BA! I'll lay down covering fire.."

(50m7s) <GERM> Colonel Hannibal Bernard holds his Ruger AC-556 in one hand, and sprays bullets towards Dekker's car, which promptly explodes and goes twirling towards a posse of HCVs.

(49m35s) <GERM> Templeton Faceman Zahnnie grabs the wheel of the Zamboni and charges past a stall, knocking it over and tumbling a whole lot of melons on top of some charging MP's.

(49m22s) <GERM> Colonel Hannibal Bernard gives the gloved thumbs up to Face! "That's right lieutenant, use your melons to unbalance the villains!"

(48m4s) <GERM> BA Baracus Bishop charges at an HCV, punches him in the face, picks him up, and throws him over his head. Then, he runs to the Zamboni.

(46m5s) <GERM> Colonel Hannibal Bernard holds on to the Zamboni with one hand, another grips his cigar, another his Ruger AC-556 and another claps BA on his back, he's not even a mutant!

(44m35s) <GERM> Capt HM - Howlin Mad - SinkOrSwim swings off the back of the Zamboni, kicking HCV's in the face as they swing round a corner. He manages to clip one end of a long pipe carried by a workman, swinging him round into a group of HCVs

(42m26s) <GERM> Capt HM - Howlin Mad - SinkOrSwim hoooooowwwwwwllllsssss out loud, dangling from the Zamboni and swinging his feet wildly at anyone and anything nearby. A kicked stack of barrels rolls down a sidestreet, taking out a platoon of MPs.

(42m19s) <GERM> Templeton Faceman Zahnnie brakes the Zamboni suddenly to avoid running over a crossing kitten, the MPs chasing them slam right into the back and fall down stunned. The kitten crosses, and she revs the engine and plows on.

(40m8s) <GERM> Colonel Hannibal Bernard continues firing out bullets 30, 60, 90, 120, the magazine continues to pour out fire at all the assembled enemies.

(39m56s) <GERM> Capt HM - Howlin Mad - SinkOrSwim is shaken off the back by the sudden braking, and is forcd to run wildly after the revving Zamboni. He turns his baseball cap backwards to aid visibility

(38m50s) <GERM> Colonel Hannibal Bernard holds out one gloved hand, reaching, reaching, reaching for Murdoch...

(37m59s) <GERM> Templeton Faceman Zahnnie pulls a pistol out of her wasteband and fires back over the rear of the Zamboni, accidentally punching a hole in a nearby pipe. Oil spurts out and the pursuing HCV's all slide into each other.

(37m23s) <GERM> Capt HM - Howlin Mad - SinkOrSwim dives, and grabs the offered hand. He is dragged onto the top of the slightly unconventional vehicle, yells his thanks over the engines, and immediately begins pressing buttons to see what they do.

(36m48s) <GERM> Templeton Faceman Zahnnie is glad this Zamboni has been modified, most of them top out at like 9 MPH...

(35m26s) <GERM> Colonel Hannibal Bernard points out that the Zambonis sharp blade was causing a huge build up of shards being left behind the contraption.

(33m42s) <GERM> Capt HM - Howlin Mad - SinkOrSwim finds a button which opens a hatch on the rear. Another press and a line of ten mini cannons begin firing an unconventional but effective barrage of ice cubes at the pursuers. He cackles...

(31m26s) The following soldiers and HCVs fall in a line, shot down by black eyes, skidding feet and really nasty ice-cream headaches

(30m50s) <GERM> Colonel Hannibal Bernard barks orders, "Face, can you waggle that joystick harder?! BA! I need more men thrown bodily over your head! Murdoch, man the swede-cannon!"

(29m37s) <GERM> Templeton Faceman Zahnnie turns the Zamboni down a side alley to lose the pursuit, knocking over a column support as they tear by under it. Bricks and zombies tumble down and block the alley up behind them, sealing it up.

(28m48s) <GERM> Templeton Faceman Zahnnie squints ahead, is that even MORE HCVs on the other side of the alley? Holey moley it is! She puts the Zamboni into high speed and barrels out of the alley, knocking guys every which way.

(28m13s) <GERM> Colonel Hannibal Bernard points ahead, "Damn, it's a dead end! Murdoch, I'll need you to shimmy up that drain pipe and see if you can't locate a rope ladder!"

(27m35s) <GERM> Colonel Hannibal Bernard realises he was looking behind the gang, sitting, as he was dangling his legs over the back of the Zamboni.

(27m23s) <GERM> Templeton Faceman Zahnnie looks around at the dead end, the HCVs are starting to get up! No time to--ooh, one of them is a girl.

(26m37s) <GERM> Capt HM - Howlin Mad - SinkOrSwim giggles, and begins throwing turnips into the hopper. He cranks the handle, and the ballistic beets are launched at a moderate rate towards the HCVs, hitting them, one at a time, in the groinal area

(26m20s) <GERM> Templeton Faceman Zahnnie winks at the Comely Vest Girl (CVG).

(24m41s) <GERM> Templeton Faceman Zahnnie takes a moment aside to get CVG's number before returning to the fight, "Sorry Colonel, what were we doing?"

(24m8s) <GERM> Capt HM - Howlin Mad - SinkOrSwim dives for the rooftop, shimmying up a drainpipe like a monkey. He returns, only seconds later, throwing a ropladder down to the team below. There's a whum-whum noise as he warms up the attached chopper

(23m40s) <GERM> Capt HM - Howlin Mad - SinkOrSwim cackles wickedly and dives into the cockpit.

(23m) <GERM> BA Baracus Bishop yells out, "This is no time to be talkin' to women, foo!"

(22m12s) <GERM> Templeton Faceman Zahnnie uh-ohs, how the heck are they going to get BA into the plane?! Thinking quickly, he tosses the bottom of the ropeladder under BA's feet, tangling him up. "Here goes nothing!" she jumps on.

(21m53s) <GERM> Capt HM - Howlin Mad - SinkOrSwim leans out of the cockpit as the chopper rises off the ground "Come on guys! BA - you first!"

(20m35s) <GERM> BA Baracus Bishop grunts angerly. "I ain't gettin' on no plane!"

(20m13s) <GERM> BA Baracus Bishop -er...chopper.

(19m34s) <GERM> Capt HM - Howlin Mad - SinkOrSwim pulls back on the sticks, rising sharply, so the deftly-flicked ropeladder catches BA's ankles. 2 on, one to go - "C'mon Colonel, let's high-tail!"

(18m57s) <GERM> Templeton Faceman Zahnnie grabs the other end of the ropeladder and gives it a good twist, it should haul BA up whether he wants to go or not as the chopper rises!

(18m27s) <GERM> Templeton Faceman Zahnnie , thinking of tail, blows a kiss to the CVG . (17m23s) <GERM> Colonel Hannibal Bernard holds onto the ladder as the huey rises into the air, the other hand stopping the cigar from falling from his chomping maw.

(13m55s) <GERM> Capt HM - Howlin Mad - SinkOrSwim giggles maniacally as he hoists the chopper higher into the air and over the impotently waving HCVs and MPs. He lobs a few swedes out for good measure.

(13m2s) <GERM> Templeton Faceman Zahnnie gets beaned in the head by a falling swede, nearly falls off the ladder except her foot catches. She ends up hanging upside down right next to the already enraged BA. "Oh dear..."

(10m56s) <GERM> Capt HM - Howlin Mad - SinkOrSwim looks down at his upside-down cargo, giggling, and goes to look for a soft field near a small ramshackle village full of sympathetic orphans where he can land this crate and they can hide out.

(9m58s) <GERM> BA Baracus Bishop yells up to Murdoch, "You crazy fool!"

(9m48s) <GERM> Colonel Hannibal Bernard taps Murdoch on his shoulder and thumbs down towards the nunnery and orphanage, with a big workshop-cum-garage in.

(9m38s) <GERM> Templeton Faceman Zahnnie just hopes they aren't zombie orphans...

(6m52s) <GERM> Capt HM - Howlin Mad - SinkOrSwim wonders briefly why there's a load of mexican nuns and orphans near New Pittsburgh, but aims the Huey for the church, softly depositing BA in the nunnery garden and Face in the pond.

(5m21s) <GERM> Capt HM - Howlin Mad - SinkOrSwim cuts away the ropeladder, and brings the chopper down next to the nunnery. A crowd of admiring orphans and nuns run out to greet them.

(4m49s) <GERM> Templeton Faceman Zahnnie rises sputtering from the pond, wet suit plastered against her body, hair slicked back, water drops beading on her skin... a nun, innocently watching, blushes and then faints dead away.

(4m10s) <GERM> Colonel Hannibal Bernard emerges from the Huey, wearing a wimple and robe. He's sporting a witch-like prosthetic nose, wrinkly face paint and a big cigar, and his ubiquitous driving gloves."Right boys, I'm going undercover

(4m4s) <GERM> Templeton Faceman Zahnnie scoops up the pretty young nun and bodily carries her back to the nunnery, so dreamy and heroic!

(3m15s) <GERM> BA Baracus Bishop stands. "I didn't want to ride no damn chopper."

(3m2s) <GERM> Colonel Hannibal Bernard continues, "See if I can't a) persuade the nuns to allow us access to their workshop and b) find out more about the guy-who-thinks-he-can-take-on-BA. Oh, and Dekker. How does he know where we are?"

(2m57s) <GERM> Capt HM - Howlin Mad - SinkOrSwim dives out of the chopper and runs for the orphanage, to hide behind a small child for when BA comes around again.

(1m25s) <GERM> Templeton Faceman Zahnnie winks at Hannibal, "Colonel, I'll see what I can get when she comes around," he nods at the passed-out nun, and heads off with her into the nunnery.

3m32s) <GERM> BA Baracus Bishop stomps angerly as he walks, until spotting a few ophans. He then happily proceeds to teaching them how to most effectively punch someone in the gut.

(2m59s) <GERM> Capt HM - Howlin Mad - SinkOrSwim converses with some small orphans. They're at about his level...

(1m9s) <GERM> Capt HM - Howlin Mad - SinkOrSwim gets punched in the gut in BA's demo. He doubles over, wheezing "yeah, that was about right..." then falls over comically. The children laughs quite a lot.

(2m8s) <GERM> BA Baracus Bishop high five's the orphan. "That's what you get for making me fly, crazy fool!"

end credits roll
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