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The Infamous Auction

During the weekend COME AS YOU AREN'T revel organized by <DICE> there was an auction the like of which has never been seen. Bidding opened with a coconut tree. Then, of course, it got really strange.


Blade Dancer Theo offered a special dance.

Tor NaGoth: Coconut tree for house.
Zolotisty: Sixteen rolls of tape and a jalopy.
Jade: 20 cigs.
Gorbert: A shattered bust of Medusa.
Zolotisty: Three pots of homemade chocolate.
WINNER: Zolotisty!

Tor NaGoth offered one negotiable favor of Improbable or Musical nature.

Jade: 20 'acquired' watermelons.
Teia: One pair of special sunglasses.
Gorbert: One double-bladed bone knife.
Lelila: My finest bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon.
Rosin: A quarter mile of half inch bronze tubing and a bag full of marbles.
Jade: A week's worth of doing dishes.

Lelila offered Dinner at the Vineyard.

Rosin: An English to German translation device.
Tor NaGoth: A fountain.
Calynx: A plate of my famous madeleine cookies.
Rosin: A free back massage.
Teia: A half ton of wood, perfectly suited for hand carving or construction.
KK Victoria: Shipping crate of pineapples.
Jade: Another ride on my bike.
Theo: A flamethrower that may or may not have been misplaced by KK Victoria.
Rosin: A shiny looking coin of no specific value, and an owners manual for puppies.
KK Victoria: A thermonuclear warhead.

Zolotisty offered.. a surprise.

Sessine: Five free clicks of the Del button (demonstrated).1)2)3)4)5)
Teia: A gallon of freshly squeezed orange juice.
Jade: A lesson in folding the best paper airplane ever.6)
Gorbert: Some semi-rancid watermelon rinds and one dozen tame Spiderkitties.
Rosin: Permanently changing the winner's gender to female! 7)8)9)10)
Lelila: One hand-knit sweater.
KK Victoria: Thirteen assault rifles.
Theo: An arm and a leg.
Sessine: Fifty Power Transformers.
WINNER: Sessine!11)

Jade XXIV offered a dance, a dance lesson, or even a sparring match, winner's fancy.

Lelila: Any five records from my collection.
Zolotisty: A solo.
Gorbert: One private violin perfomance.
KK Victoria: A squid.
Teia: A lemon, fresh picked this morning.
Calynx: One of my paintings.
Gorbert: One pot of his moose stew.12)13)
Zolotisty: Fifty Power Transformers.
Lelila: A nice bottle of my favorite Port.
Zolotisty: A baby hedgehog.14)
Bernard: The Haynes manual for Zimmer.
Rosin: A bottle of absinthe, with crystal glass and silver absinthe spoon15)
Theo: A 100% chance of Cake, Cake.
Lelila: Knitting lessons.
Gorbert: One day with a slightly disgruntled purple hedgehog.
KK Victoria: Combat training under hunt conditions.
Bernard: Blueprint for a shed he's been planning to build.
Zolotisty: Funding for a mansion.
Gorbert: One free target of a badger mauling.
Gorbert: Any piece of Seth's anatomy.16)
KK Victoria: Any piece of Gorbert's anatomy.17)
Gorbert: A hand carved weapon of any variety that can be carved.
Theo: A key to my mansion the day it is finished.
Gorbert: A kiss!
Rosin: A romantic dinner.
Gorbert: A ride on Ajax.
Rosin: A week of gourmet meals.
Gorbert: The actual head of the Gorgon Queen, Medusa.
Rosin: A midnight serenade.
Gorbert: Any carving from the Repository.
Rosin: One full day of complete servitude.
Gorbert: A trip to the beaches south of Kittania.
Rosin: The finest ring in Oliver's.
Gorbert: A hand carved bracelet.
WINNER: Gorbert!


The Amazing Purple Limejello offered a drawing, a night out on the town, and a cake.

Tor NaGoth: A pineapple.
Kuroiten: One item conjured from another story.
Calynx: A moth orchid
Lelila: A Colt .45
Gorbert: Five quills of some kind of Improbable metal. And an ampersand.
Merlin: John Donne's poetry.
Tor NaGoth: A coconut rum-tree.
Kuroiten: A chess set, custom made.
Gorbert: A set of carved spoons.
Lelila: A set of fine silver sewing needles.
Tor NaGoth: Nomex lingerie, your choice of style.
Kuroiten: A custom-made deck of cards.
Cheshire Cat: A mysterious box.
Gorbert: One shirt.18)
Cheshire Cat: Proposal of marriage19)
WINNER: Cheshire Cat!

Kuroiten, Gorbert, Tor: "Our bids are wedding presents"

Gorbert Vanhousserhoffen offered a performance, either violin or dancing OR a carving of anything the winner wants.

Krave: 1000 reqs.
Lelila: One set of pewter demitasse spoons.
Merlin: One neverending beer fridge, complete with demon mango.
Krave: 1500 reqs and a home cooked pancake breakfast.
Kuroiten: A silver pennywhistle.
Lelila: A set of lace curtains.
Jade: A black trenchcoat.
Sessine: One bag of volcano seeds.
Krave, 2000 reqs, a cyberpony with stellar lance, and a cheese wheel autographed by Henry Rollins.
Kuroiten: A set of three whittling knives, hand-forged.
Lelila: Twenty yards of fine Thai silk.
Kuroiten: Two dragon bones.
Lelila: One set of perfectly tuned crystal wine glasses.
Jade: A lesson in knife fighting.
Kuroiten: A bag of holding.
Krave: One glass armonica, and mow your lawn.
Lelila: One authentic vintage oak steamer trunk.
Kuroiten: An Improbably forged cane.
Lelila: Maschinengewehr MG 34 machine gun.
Kuroiten: A story of your choice.
Merlin: One ballad written about you, 16 stanzas or more in length.
Kuroiten: Another story.
Merlin: two ballads, each 20 stanzas or more.
Kuroiten: A third story, also different.
Merlin: A song on her bagpipes.
Kuroiten: Armor forged from Horatio's casing.
Merling: Key to her library, pick of any book.
Lelila: Ten bottles of wine from the very back of the cellar at the Vineyard.
WINNER: Lelila!

Hermein offered a tuneup of the winner's kittybike, floor refinishing for their shack or cottage, and a set of handmade copper chimes, tuned to the key and chord of your choosing.

Calynx: One hundred strawberries from my garden.
Gorbert: half a bottle of high-quality rum
Zolotisty: six stone weight of clockwork, all sizes, flywheels, gears, cogs, mainsprings, the like.
Merlin: sheet music, from the bard Taliesin.
Calynx: A wall sized painting.
Gorbert: Miscellaneous materials from the scrapyard.
Zolotisty: Scones.20)
Jade: A set of lockpicks.
Calynx: Six cobalt blue bottles of rare floral oils.
Gorbert: A head-mounted flashlight.
Calynx: twelve dozen roses of different varieties.
Sessine: A script for a theatrical performance, subject of your choice, suited to actors you designate.
Calynx: One crate of Swiss chocolate.
Zolotisty: A mancala set.
Calynx: A sungka board, with all the cowrie shells to play it.
WINNER: Calynx!

Sessine offered a surprise, likely quite different from Zolotisty's.

Gorbert: One cinnamon bun.
Kuroiten: 99 red balloons.21)
Zolotisty: A guided tour to a secret place on a good afternoon.
Jade: A good sized bottle of excellent cumin.
Merlin: One slightly ripe killer mango.22)23)24)25)
Lelila: Two skeins of alpaca yarn.
Kuroiten: A pear tree.
Zolotisty: Half a fighter jet and a folded parachute.
Kuroiten: Three furbles from the main herd.
Lelila: Fifteen yards of corduroy.\
Gorbert: One sack of rice.
Kuroiten: Small batch of quiksilver26).
Merlin: Bagpiping lessons.
Zolotisty: Dream catcher, functional. With jars to store.
Kuroiten: Weapon forged to your needs.
Gorbert: A song. Not the Bee Gees.
Kuroiten: Trumps.
Jade: 100k req.
Kuroiten: Doorway to other stories.
Gorbert: Access to a pocket dimension.
Kuroiten: A story, one that is true as it is told.
Lelila: Black upright piano that plays any tune you are thinking of.
Kuroiten: A secret27).
Zolotisty: Three compositions to evoke. Of his choice.
Gorbert: A series of obscure yet humorous quotes.
Kuroiten: True-tales raised to three, also, of his choice.
Zolotisty: A furnished room.
Kuroiten: A portrait.
Zolotisty: One of my blankets.
Kuroiten: Fabric woven of stories.

Final bids, Sessine to choose28):
Zolotisty: Three times each, to bid me arrive, or stay.
Kuroiten: A die, carved from Improbability, threaded with stories, and pipped with Chaos.

The winner is obliged to provide all of the items bid to the biddee; however, negotiation with the person who originally made the bid is allowed. The biddee may also choose to excuse the winner from the obligation to provide certain items.

Winners are encouraged to edit this page to provide an account of how they managed to obtain some of the more exotic items on their lists.

1) This was cheating.
2) Cheerfully admitted.
3) It's still cheating. An abuse of Mod status!
4) No, it's cheating because Sessine gives do-over clicks to anyone who asks, if they ask him fast enough before the mistake gets woven in.
5) Grumph.
6) At this, Zolotisty looked wistful.
7) Ruled out of order as not really being a bid.
8) And just a little too evil.
9) Besides, Zolotisty said she wouldn't want it.
10) But it would have been an interesting experiment.
11) Who says cheaters never prosper?
12) Which is actually quite good.
13) No, really. It is.
14) Not clear if this was a bid.
15) It turns out this was not a bid.
16) But.. what woman would want a piece of that man?
17) Admittedly, difficult to provide without Gorbert's consent, thanks to that villain 'PvP Preferences'.
18) just kidding, withdrawn
19) Accepted!
20) Terrifying!
21) It'll be fun inflating all of those. . .
22) This had already been bid earlier
23) But that would be Lelila's problem.
24) Mango was hastily yielded to its prior commitment.
25) But wait.. it could be a timeshare mango!
26) Yes, the missing "c" is vital; makes it something that's not a vat of mercury
27) Withdrawn afterwards, with permission from Zolotisty.
28) I should've just withdrawn then and there.
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the_infamous_auction.txt · Last modified: 2017/05/28 03:35 (external edit)