A dark shady group sneak through the late evening gloom outside Squat Hole. Finding a patrol squat that's sound asleep, it picks a spot. A brick is thrown up over the fence. A brick with a rope attached to it.
The McThugger gang (for it is they) have to try a few times, but eventually the brick catches on a jagged piece of fence post that is sticking out. Bilge McThugger is the first to climb up into the outpost, closely followed by her twin Belch.
Curmudgeon McThugger follows them up. Or tries to. Unfortunately, the fence post to which the brick has attached itself is not attached to the rest of the fence quite as well as it might be. Shoddy workmanship, obvious put in place by a visiting contestant. Not a squat.
Curmudgeon McThugger's love of pizza and booz, of course, is nothing to do with it at all. She's a fine figure of squat. It's shoddy workmanship. Only possible explanation for the fence post coming loose, sending Curmudgeon crashing to the ground.
Curmudgeon McThugger is followed down by parts of the fence which were leaning precariously on said post, and then by Mange Whittle - the previously sleeping guard. The twins manage to dive to a safer purchase up above.
The McThugger's element of surpise has been blown! Opprobrium McThugger quickly overpowers Mange, not hard since Mange is still somewhat dazed, having just been rudely awakened from a dream of owning fabulous amounts of recker.
The McThuggers must still act quickly. Luckily there is now a gaping hole in the fence through which they can gain entrance to Squat Hole. They waste no time in so doing. Now to find Brawlin' Street.
The McThugger gang quickly navigate through the outpost's labyrinthine, and ever shifting back streets until soon they are completely lost.
Misanthropy "Missy Ann" McThugger: "Wur thu fack ur we?" Bilge: "Ow thu fack shud oi now?" Missy Ann: "Wull fackin usk summun thun!" Bilge accosts a passing squat. "Wur thu fack ur we?" "Yur in fackin Squat Hole yur dick'ead!"
Missy Ann McThugger wades in. "We now wur un Squat Hole yu dick'ead!" "Wull woi d'yu fackin usk uz thun?" "We wunna now wurrabutz un Squat Hole we ur yu dozey facker!" "Yur un thu Squat Hole purt uv Squat Hole! Yu fackin fick facker!"
Missy Ann McThugger will not take this sort of abuse lying down. "Oo yu cullin a fick fackin facker?" Slap. One brief punch up later, the McThuggers look for another passer-by. Several newly unconscious passers-by later and they are no further forward.
Missy Ann McThugger decides on a change of tactic. "Weez uskin thu rung qustiun! Oil troi agun. Wutch thus!" She finds a new passing squat to ask. "Wur thu fack ur...NO Ow du we gut to Brawlin' Street?"
Missy Ann McThugger's new tactic gets results. "Utz dun thur innit yu dick'ead!" One last newly unconscious squat later and the McThuggers are on their way.
Missy Ann McThugger reach Brawlin Street without further incident. Once there, they aim for their real target. The Skronky Pot. Gathering together outside, they charge in screaming. "YU FACKERZ! THUS UZ URS!!"
Mildew Skronky and Mumpsimus Blenkinsop who are working in the Pot at the time, are taken by surprise, quickly overpowered and thrown out. "YU GU UN FUTCH SEWAGE!" Mumpsimus quickly scurries away to do just that.
Mildew Skronky stays here shouting abuse as she waits for Su to arrive. This does not take long. Once on the scene, Su quickly opens up negotiations. "WOT THU FACK DU YU WUNT THUN?"
Missy Ann McThugger leans out thu door. "WE WUNT TUN MULLIUN RECKER! OR ULSE!" "OR ULSE WOT? YU DUZZY FACKIN DICK'EAD YU! YU LUT MILDEW GU ULRUDY AVUNT YU? YU FICK FACKER! YU AVUNT GUT UNYFING TO MUK ME!"
Mildew Skronky's release was a carefully calculated ploy on Missy Ann's part. She's already seen that holding family members hostage doesn't work from when she tried this tactic with Chlamydia in Booz.1)
Missy Ann McThugger has decided to hit the Skronkys where it really hurts. In the wallet. "WEEZ GUT THU PUT!" She places said Pot in plain view in the doorway and stands with a bucket of hot soapy water poised over it.
Big Su Skronky gasps in horror. "YU WUDDUN DUR!" "OH WUDDUN OI? OY YU CLUMSY DICK'EAD!" This last to Belch who has banged into her from behind. An accident with unfortunate consequences.
Missy Ann McThugger spills the entire contents of her bucket into the Pot. Hot soapy water and raw Skronky. Raw Skronky and hot soapy water. Hydrochloric acid and caustic soda. Richard Dawkins and Billy Graham. Some things were never meant to mix.
Missy Ann McThugger reels back as the two mutually antithetical substances start to react. The Pot begins to shake and bubble. Steam rises up off it, followed by thick brown smoke with strange opaque bubbles mixed up in it.
Big Su Skronky stares in horrid fascination at the phenomena. It is only when one particularly large and vicious looking bubble floats towards her and bursts right in front of her leaving a large (relatively) cleanish looking patch that she takes action and runs.
The bubbles start to spread out into Squat Hole, leaving large, wet, clean patches wherever they land. One chases Scumbelly Perkins down Brawlin' Street, finally catching him outside Tynan's Gym "Nnnooohhh!!" He is caught up in it and taken bouncing all over the outpost.
All around, terrified squats flee for safety. One small group try to find safety in the Massage Parlour, where Julia is happy to take their two cigarette entry fee, but less happy about the large soap bubble following. "Oi FACK!"
The bubble breaks into several parts and spreads throughout the parlour. Chaos ensues as squats in various states of dress try to escape. Obstreperous Pilkington leaps from a second floor window and lands on Grime Stephenson, who was herself fleeing the catastrophy which is unfolding.
Both are caught by the bubbles.
The McThuggers are stuck inside the building that houses the Pot. The only exit is through the heaving, seething maelstrom which is the Pot. There is nowhere to run to, no escape. They are hit worse than anybody. "AAAGGGHHH!!!"
Bubbles are spreading futher and futher round the Hole. A large sickly green one chases Mildew down Brawlin' Street. She turns into Other Shite Road and takes refuge in Booz but there is no escape.
Chlamydia Skronky: "Ere, wot yu doin ere...WOT THU FACKS THUT??!?" The patrons are too busy fighting to immediately realise what is going on. They are soon made aware when the bubble bursts on top of them, drenching them all in soapy water. The screams are loud and long.
The Skronkys have had a decisive blow struck against them. Squat Hole has suffered. but the McThuggers have paid a heavy price. They are angry now, and this can surely not be the end of it all.
There are further stories from Squat Hole for the interested reader.