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The Skidges

There are various and sundry Skidges that may be seen about the Island. One way to find out which is which is to consult the Skidgehiker's Guide, but seeing as the Island's Skidge currently has that and doesn't seem to want to give it up, good luck with that; another way is to simply look at their eye/void/speech colors.

A quick reference guide, for those not already familiar with them.

The Pedant

Color: Grey

Cracker: Not yet acknowledged

Personality: The opposite to the Island Skidge in every way. Fussy, antisocial, obsessively clean, irritable and quite mean. However, recently has been showing some signs of an actual personality.. for more about the Pedant, please go here.

The Mechanic

Color: Light Green

Cracker: A small, shiny metal monkey with long fingers and a tail that starts out as one and splits into two, into which a variety of tools can be fitted.

Personality: The Mechanic is, unsurprisingly, obsessed by any and all things mechanical, clockwork especially, to the exclusion of all else. Tends to wander off into highly technical monologues at the least provocation. Unfortunately, tends to blow things up whenever she fiddles with them. The Mechanic is also one of the four Skidges with authorization to read the unexpurgated Guide, but hasn't been seen since giving the Guide to one Sicpuess.

The Joker

Color: Pinkish-Peach

Cracker: Not yet acquired

Personality: A proper Joker in every way, if a bit maliciously so. The Joker likes to gamble and thinks everything is funny and is a bit ahead of the rest of you, in that her world is just like the Island, only a bit advanced in time. However, you shouldn't believe everything she tells you; she lies even more than the Island Skidge, and likes to pretend she knows everything. The Joker is also one of the four authorized to read the Guide, which calls her the General.

The Programmer

Color: Dark Blue

The Programmer is not a Skidge, it has been recently revealed, but a much-evolved version of Skidge's fish from the distant future.

The KittySkidge

Color: Light Pink

Cracker: A sentient ball of string. Probably best not to ask where she GOT the sentient ball of string.

Personality: A Kittymorph good and proper; horny, naked, silly and easy to distract. Put it to you this way; she thinks the Island Skidge is an old fuddy-duddy and liked Fish better when he didn't talk1). She is actually the original Skidge, who chose to go into the Voidspace permanently rather than become a Joker. Which, of course, begs the question of where the Island Skidge came from...

The Harbinger

Color: Light Red

Cracker: N/A

Personality: When the Harbinger came to the Island, it was with news of the oncoming disaster of the MurphySkidge. Presumably, the Harbinger had been void-skipping through the Multiverse trying to warn any universe of the oncoming Murphy, and as such her only noticeable personality trait was complete and utter mad terror. Has not been seen since she was yanked off of the Island to help fight the MurphySkidge, but has also been granted the right to complete access of the Guide, implying that she was at least present for part of the programming.

The MurphySkidge

Color: Blood Red

Cracker: Dead

Personality: Universe-consuming, power-hungry, insane mad bitch, the MurphySkidge has given herself over completely to the power of Murphy's Law and as such can make anything, anywhere, go wrong. Any further information of her is blocked in the Guide. 2)3)

It has been recently revealed that the Murphy Skidge is, in fact, the Island Skidge from a future..whether this future is The Future or an alternate has yet to be discovered.

The Batskidge

Color: Black

Cracker: An action figure. She has no idea why she's decided to call that DCU Green Lantern Cracker, or why she carries it around talking to it. SHE JUST DOES, OKAY?

Personality: Utterly deluded Skidge from a perfectly normal universe who lives in her parent's basement and is convinced she is Batman. She isn't.

The ValleySkidge

Color: Light Violet

Cracker: A small yappy white dog ratthing that lives in her purse.

Personality: Think Mean Girl Queen Bee of the clique. Stupid, shallow, vain, catty and utterly convinced of her own superiority. It is thought that the ValleySkidge uses Murphy's Law to turn others around her into fawning subordinates. Luckily, does not think enough past her Gucci whathaveyou to realize that her powers can go further and deeper.

Skadje the Mighty and Somewhat Befuddled

Color: Light/Dark Orange

Cracker: A war armadillo, bespiked, gallumphing, tends to do what it wants to.

Personality: Skadje is fierce! Skadje is mighty! Skadje is a warrior beyond compare! Skadje is also something of an idiot...no, that's not just a language barrier, she's genuinely stupid. Armed with an axe and a bewildering array of self-awarded honorifics, she will raid, pillage and enslave you. Later. After she's done drinking this hot chocolate.

Scurvy Blue Skidge

Color: Light/Dark Blue

Cracker: A furry pterodactyl-thing called a fylobyte, which is rather like a parrot.

Personality: The worst pirate ever to sail the eleven seas, mostly because of her reputation for inimical (to pirates, anyway) girly streak. Yes, she squeals. Yes, she has a weakness for small fluffy (and not so fluffy) animals. Yes, she likes lace and frilly things and takes rather more interest in her appearance than is right and proper for a pirate. She has also been in training since early childhood to fight Murphy's Law and all its effects, which makes her a rather dangerous foe when she puts her mind to it. She can still pull a stream of pirate invective out whenever she needs to, and really, what else do you need?

The Velociraptor Skidge

Color: Dark Green/Brown

Personality: Oh, yes, she's a velociraptor. In a bowler hat and vest. But. She's a vegetarian. Thank Ferryn for this one.4)

The Skidgetronic 500

Color: Light Grey

Personality: She slices! She dices! SHE EVEN CHOPS ICE.

The Skidgetronic 1000


Personality: She slices! She dices! SHE EVEN CHOPS ICE. And plays music!

The Old Lady Skidge

Color: Yellow

Cracker: Her cane, which she uses to crack people on the head. Hence the name. Cracker the cane.

Personality: She wishes the kids would just get off her lawn. Those kids. They keep getting in the way of her cane. AND THEY HAVE NO RESPECT.

The SpoilerSkidge

Color: Dark teal, not unlike an EVOLVED FISH'S COLOR.

Personality: It would appear this Skidge knows ever so very much. She knows the ending of every single mindtwist movie EVER. Don't you wish you were her? She's just like M. Night WhateverHisNameICan'tSpellIt! Then you'd probably know that she's a he, he dies but then he comes back, it's all a really badly written ending that makes no sense, he was really dead all along, and SHE'S a HE (that deserved being mentioned twice). You'd also know the ending of this neverending plot! SERIOUSLY. YOU WISH YOU WERE HER. SHE'S AWESOME.

The Soldiers of Skidgum

Color: Grey

Personality: There are thirty of them, identical, hiveminded, standing at constant attention. They were born and bred to be soldiers in a universe where robots build massive armies of humans out of scrap and fight them against each other 5). Each has a camoflaged bowler hat; whoever commands them wears a similar hat with a star on it. From this starred hat they take their instructions. One of them, known as the Voice, can speak, one can take orders directly from the commander's subconscious, and one of them has been altered by the Programmer for the specific purposes of containing and closing paradox rifts. All of them have basic control over the precepts of Murphy's Law.

The Marmalade Skidge

Color: Orange

Personality: Not appearing in this plot. SO I GUESS YOU'LL NEVER KNOW.

The Rookie Skidge

Color: Light teal, not unlike an UNEVOLVED FISH'S COLOR.

Personality: Keeps touching herself inappropriately and asking for directions for places.

More to come. And yes, I know there are a lot.

1) he didn't, when he belonged to her
2) mere mention of her, however, seems to provoke a reaction of near-catastrophic proportions from the other Skidges, as Dorque once chanced to find out.
3) and an almost equal amount of shock from Sicpuess
4) thank you, Ferryn
5) this should not in any way, shape or form sound familiar
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the_skidges.txt · Last modified: 2017/05/28 03:34 (external edit)