Right-o, so I saw we don't have one of these going and I thought: NEVAH. NEVAH SHALL THIS BE. THERE MUST BE A MORNINGTON CRESCENT HERE, of all places. (for details: http://www.amazonsystems.co.uk/data/morn.htm .)
So. I'll begin with the typical opening gambit, shall I? Going to assume we're playing under the Winston-Chumley rulebook of '98.
Is this with the reverse Polish notation?
No, no, no. It's very simple. Jacks are worth ten, Kings are worth three (apart from one-eyed Jacks which are wildcards, but we'll come to that in a minute). Round one you get a hand of nine, round two a hand of seven. Twos are wild except for diamonds, which retain their face value (except the king of diamonds, obviously). You play in sequence unless you can match a pair or play a card in ascending or descending order - that's a Go Johnny Go Go Go Go. You stand up, pick up all the cards on the table and shout “Go, Johnny, Go, Go, Go, Go!”
The winner is the one with the most tricks after fifteen hands, and you'll pick up the rest as we play.
*plays a Jack of Cups*
No, sir, it's not your turn -- you've forgotten that play passes pendulum-style from the dealer; for those of you unfamiliar, that'll be left to start, then two right of the dealer (or three from the first player to act in the preemptive round, if you're following the Egyptian tradition), then the subsequent number of nonces ('skips' if you're new but really, call them nonces or we'll all be sniggering behind our luchador masks) is dependent upon the number of players present divided by the median age of the group and then multipled exponentially with each turn by the relative average speed of a player's turn, following the general left-right pattern until the first thrice-contiguous overlap at which point play resets and we select a new dealer. Simple, really -- I'm shocked you forgot, given the way you swindled me out of my kidney last time we played. (Backalley game with illegal grawlixes. I ought've known better.)
Who's bank and who's bully in this game?
Can I be bully? I've got the hat, and the mousetraps.
HEY! What about all us poor ugly Americans who call tubes subways and boots trunks and bonnets hoods? This is rank discrimination! I demand reparations!
And what about us Swedish-Central American transplants living in Scranton that call subways tunnelbanas, boots juaraches, and toxic waste mother's milk?
I play the ace of stars, and wager a sackful of illegally harvested organ grinders.
And what about Canadians, who don't even really *have* card games? I mean, really! You expect people who live in perpetual night eight months of the year to spend their time on your crazy foreign games of nonsense and skill? We're busy trying to survive the winter cold on moose meat and maple syrup, not to mention hunting beavers for the fur coats essential to day-to-day living...
Fortunately, I picked it up from an exchange student in High School, so I'll spare the rest of the rant and offer to be banker.
I'm afraid I agreed to join a game of Charlie on the MTA some years back, and so must decline...
So there'll be no objections if I yarble the answard, so long as I gribble two tenways beforehand?
No objections from me, personally, but mind you catchbank the straphanger, before fastening your stepdad, and retreating two meters before the bowlmonk estranges the gangway.
This may in fact be the best game in the world. At least for the fans watching on satellite.
But in the spirit of the game, I yield to everyone.
As game initiator, I believe I'll clarify: Queen's Rules, Winston-Chumley '98 rulebook (make sure you're aware of the appendix notes on page 925, bottom footnote section B ), double-reverse Polish notation underneath the auspices of the Rolling Jack of Clubs with the nonce entwined as long as you gribble your bowlmonk first. That's the important bit- I want no chequered sideslinging in this game. Have we got that? Good.
Since it's Mornington Crescent II-style, I believe our Mornington Crescent can be the PSK, ImpCentral. Now can we actually start, after all this rule-quibbling?
Well, now, if I do remember the ruleset correctly, the most obviously superior choice would be for me to pick...
courtesy of The Once-Wiise Ashtu, who would happily relinquish this account to Johnson, if she would like.
Colonel Mustard, with the revolver, at West Skronky Siding!
St John's Wood, due to the lack of MACKEREL.
Oooh, I like that. But you could have used the Sardine Legislation to get closer, under the 5th Chancellary Rules. Right-o, a Cunningham's Step sideways to Ashtu's Anarchy Annex because under the impetus of Adleway's Nonce, I'm allowed to greeble my baghdad twice before rolling a six.
(also, Ashtu- I don't mind . s'okay! but the map is certainly helpful, thankee considering we're doing this Island-Underground crossover.)
The absolutely, positively, utterly definitive map of the Improbable Island Underground,
including all stops planned, unplanned, real, unreal, imaginary, past, present and future.
That's a pretty good move, Johnson, but I'm going to have to pull a fast one by heading to Ace High via the Travis Bedeau's Northward Jaunt.
I get to jump in here, ahead of the player on my right, because I'm dropping a Return to Island Map card. But that's not my turn - my turn is played by salmoning up the southbound Swampview Bikelane, Squat Hole Overlook.
Not so fast. I roll the Battle Die, and execute the French Stride to get onto New Pittsburgh. In accordance with the Texas Hold'em Italian ruleset, I get to draw a card.
Ah! But that is an opportune moment for me to step in, up the ante by one (of course!), and reverse playing order by revealing two aces and an eight. Therefore i am allowed to move as so, and end up in Woolton Bernard.
Can I use a Haxby Crossover, then, and play a red token to advance three places to the Abandoned Waystation?
Aha, I've been waiting for just that move, Budd. I play the Fate card, allowing me (under the Abridged Australian Doubles Rules of 1620) to leapfrog Budd and Ahab in the total point standings and arrive at Thistlewhite Manor.
As I pass by in my MTA trolley I think I can just manage a retrotime interjection, allowing me to jump the queue, which is fortunate as I'll be halfway to Lechmere by the time my proper turn comes around.
In preparation for a Hibberts gamble, I call out Grand Concourse East.
Well, there goes my chance at a decent Wayfarers Gambit, so i'll take a chance-card, which grants me a random uncommon item from the lease stack. Those rocket-powered skeelers can take me all the way to the Test Kitchen
You folks certainly have been busy, but it's pretty obvious that the correct stance to coddle the most skweebles is to veer 'round the back of Soup and Pants and then see which way the forenaughts are centigrading their ungulates- and let the crismanths take you from there.
Ooh, I hope it isn't too late to join this round, as I'd start off with a Circumvent Matriarch through Sloth's kitchen, then stick the landing to finish in a classic Scheindlin stance.
I... oh crap, I can only grooble my duncecap into Sloth's Kitchen as well. Syd, what the hell? You've created a Witherington's Loop! At least I can pick up a red token on the way.
RAH RAH RAH!
SIS BOOM BAH!
GO PLAYERS GO PLAYERS
GO GO GO !
This motivational message brought to you by The Once-Wiise Ashtu.
I do a latteral tackle of the Witherington's Loop, landing directly on Go. After collecting 200 req from each player, I pass directly to Crimson Blade.
Now, Raimar, I could've sworn lateral tackles were banned after the famed knurdling of Her Majesty's favorite eggplant in 1312. However, I'll decline the 5-yard penalty in order to position my rook for Romanov's Irrascable Triangle, to bring me to the Warehouse, via the Forecasting Rock.
Aha! A crafty move, G, but alas, I play a quickslide double-frontback to Jardin Surleau, for the block. And, of course, go fish.
It being the eve' of the Friday before Canadian Thanksgiving, known as Alrighty Giv'er Friday Eve in some locales (i.e. Canada), I am declared car dealer, snuffle all clannies' cards, and tumble-dry all extant game dice. Redealt and rerolled, I discover I am in a position to shoot the moon, whose reflection off the Ooze Pit I am now in a position to admire.
Aha! Finding a fellow Canadian, I down our traditional shot-glass of maple syrup, and dance our Countrie's national "Dog-sled Shuffle". So using my turn, I curl up in my Igloo, reading a book borrowed from the Improbable Island Public Library.
I simply step sideways out of the loop and continue on with a forehand double-barrel Macheath grip to find myself on Ebenezer's and Escemfer's Houseboat! I hit to 16, and stand on my head.
My turn, is it? Oh, well then.
I suppose i -could- go for a Muid-zen theorem and strike out the Fourth House, thusly knighting my knotted knave, and use the free move such aquired to backsidle into the Barrikade.
(A move, if you will recall, not unlike that of Sir Winghamptroytonting at the dodecacentennial tournament of Salzburgh in '65. Of course, it was, at the time banned as per the Granddukes Seventy-First Variety introduced mere months before the event, and the resulting shuctribble-per-gullaf... well, we all know how thát ended...)
Why aren't you plonkers out killing monsters like you're supposed to be??
This admonitional message brought to you by The Watcher.
Cousjava pulls up behind, and being unable to go forward through the barricade ends up in the Nidd, and forfeits his next three goes.
... and I'm still at Sloth's Kitchen, damn it all. Witherington's Loop, curse you!
I get to pick up three red tokens, though, on account of it being Tuesday.
I'll play Kensington's Feint, along with the 3 of spades, and do the curly shuffle over to empty plot reserved for Combat Magician Komppa.
Unfortunately, I lose my next 38 turns determining precisely which plot that is...
But G, doesn't that mean that, as long as you don't open your eyes, the Quantum Kommpa Principle allows you to be in all of them at once?
My three misses are up, now I can play Hugo's 2nd Stratagem which means I can move across consecutive rows to NewHome.
Under the Longfellow Convention, I have to follow the vaccuum left by g_rock, but by Tiddlemarsh's Amendment of 1967, I can use the Improbable Island Land Registry to twist anticlockwise, and then play a First Class Pass to end up in the Timepiece!
All inundated funiculars on the northern routes have been temporarilly defenestrated to allow the consensual encounters to be fully exploited.
Thank you for your understanding and patience.
I take advantage of the temporary defenestration to ride a falling funicular up 'round CC404. A quick judicious use of my "Get Out of the Factory Free" card lands me in the Ridiculously Overengineered Barbetraption. However I lose 3 turns trying to figure out how to cook a steak on it.
I invert the poles and take a reverse anemoteric move to reach Heathrow Terminal 5, thereby losing all my baggage unless my next move is to either Milan or the old sofa in Dunbernarding.
I see i can powder my waffles, and use a scrunchnup to filloway the dapshangle (Expansionary ruleset #78-wr-%$-23, under the Malaysian legislation of '68.) , exploring deeper into Barrikade; the Cavern Lake, and take a "Soaking Wet" card.
It certainly annoys some people, even monarchs, which is why I have to say King's Cross.
well, it annoys me, because now I have to unpowder Reverb's waffles and clip Buddleia's First Class Pass twice, losing three red tokens to G and giving Dave a noogie. Which brings me, with a hop and a skip and a jump under Truble's Warrant of January Subscription to the First Amendment of 1487, to...
the Bordello. Gah the Bordello.
ATTENTION. MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE.
IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO OUR ATTENTION THAT THIS THREAD HAS APPARENTLY BEEN KIDNAPPED.
WOULD THE PERSON/PERSONS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS IRRESPONSIBLE ACT PLEASE RETURN IT IMMEDIATELY!
IT IS AILING AND NEEDS ITS MEDICATION.
glances around and whispers furtively:
This message brought to you by a 300 pound potato.
Acting over the new badnav system--The one that popped in, sent me to the failboat with zero favor and cage fights(After click-testing on a random link), then disappeared in two minutes.
I can say, The Hidden Glade!
I necromance this thread for 36 crumpets, collect my DanQuest Item in the Jungles of CyberCity 404, buy chronospheres with the entire contents of the now-anonymous users' wallets, climb to the top of a Titan, hop onto a Mighty Magpie perched on his shoulder, fly to the FailBoat, buy a Blessing for my Chainsaw from the Watcher, pop a chrono, end up in a Belgian mattress store, buy a Dark Horse for a mount with the accumulated interest of the drug money I got during Cousjava's second turn (as per rule 273.f6 of the Extended Arctic Parade Bible Supplimental), ride to the Prancing SpiderKitty in Improbable Central, down a GargleBlaster, do a victory lap of the Island (bringing me to Pleasantville, where I learn Rosen-Kai), storm back into the PSK, ImpCentral and pay Seth the Handsome Bard 200 Req to join me in my harmonious cry, "MORNINGTON CRESCENT!"
Took me over two years to execute, but, boy, was that turn worth it.
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