Alas, all I can grow is a Van Dyke.
Spring is here, and it's time for a no-beard face. Of course, as every man with a beard knows, you can't just shave off a beard. You have to leave patterns, and shapes. This could be your chance to see what you'd look like with a grizzly biker mo, a Groucho moustache, a Klingon beard.
But you can't try them all! Some of them cancel each other out!
So, VOTE. I'll post pics. Here's a reference.
EDIT: (removed)
EDIT EDIT: That's a terrible picture. I'll take another.
EDIT EDIT EDIT: Much better.
EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT: I was nipping out for a ciggy and saw a mirror, and a comb, and realised I didn't have a good side view. So I stuck the comb to my face and took a picture.
As a staunch advocate (and bearer) of the Hollywoodian myself, I'd vote that, assuming there's the material to work with.
Otherwise, DALI!
edit, from starting point:
Friendly mutton chops?
when you said beard I thought you meant it had substance Dan!
As a staunch advocate (and bearer) of the Hollywoodian myself, I'd vote that, assuming there's the material to work with.
Otherwise, DALI!
edit, from starting point:
Friendly mutton chops?
when you said beard I thought you meant it had substance Dan!
It would've been a good pic, except I had a load of crap on my lens when my friend took the shot...
Short Boxed Beard would absolutely get my vote!
Short Boxed Beard would absolutely get my vote!
I'm actually going to change my vote to one of either:
Winnfield
The Mighty El Insecto
Shaving beards is sooooo 2010. Shave your head, instead.
Shaving beards is sooooo 2010. Shave your head, instead.
Shaving beards is sooooo 2010. Shave your head, instead.
Based on this entirely scientific assessment of the trustworthiness of various facial hair patterns, I would like to put in a vote for a goatee + mustache combo or friendly 'chops. And ten thumbs down for the insecto whatever the hell. We need him to keep his morale up, Dave; not get an MoTD next week that goes, 'So I've shaved my beard at your advice and Emily's kicked me out of bed. I'm starting a collection fund for flowers and a nice dinner. Help.'
I'm gonna go ahead and cast my vote in for the Franz Joseph or the Winnfield, depending on how awesome* ** you want to look.
*The Franz Joseph of course being more awesome.
**And by awesome I mean it in a more goofy as hell sort of manner.
And that reference picture does the real Franz Josef facial hair style no justice.
I vote for Franz Joseph style.
Alas, all I can grow is a Van Dyke.
Jack Sparrow beard Jack Sparrow beard
Won't your life feel so much more complete when you're sporting a Jack Sparrow beard? Yes. Yes it will.
Or, if you were looking for an actual vote, I'm with Z on the goatee+mustache combo.
i'm just sad that there's no toothbrush 'tache on the chart. odd how that seems to have gone out of fashion...
in its absence, i'll have to go for the Napoleon III. although i'd like to know if the supermario is actually growable.
You know, on further reflection, I'm not sure that any of those "standard" beard types are Improbable enough.
I HAVE AN IDEA.
Stay tuned.
I believe this is suitably Improbable...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYi24D9lHqc
So, the appearance I'm going for here is such that if one's hair sprouted an arm and tried to reach around and cover the mouth and nose so as to asphyxiate the wearer. It's supposed to be shaped like a comma, or, if you prefer, a tentacle. I call it the Cthulu Curl. One long stretch of beard descends from the right sideburn, curls beneath the chin and around the mouth, and terminates just as it's about to touch back upon itself.
Hmm.
God, it's worse than I thought.
Oh dear.
Actually, I could get used to this. I can see the versatility...
A friendly silly beardface for day-to-day use...
Combined with a more sombre, clean-shaven look for the occasional necessary moment of seriousness.
If you never intend on going out in public, it's perfect. Otherwise, I'd suggest symmetry is quite necessary.
Or, well... good thing you aren't doing job interviews and have all the friends you already need! 
My personal suggestion is my own combo. Your link says I have what is a 'petit goatee' with a general bushy 'stache, which Z's link calls the Wilford Brimley. I'm not quite at the level of glory his mustache experiences, but it's in that general vein.
...good God, that is perfect.
Your creativity amazes me!
That is perfect!
You've heard of Two-Face? That's Two-Beard! Better watch out, Batman!
And now, sadly beardless and boringfaced, with a side of razor burn just to round things off.
Just like every year, I'm surprised by how small my mouth looks, and how young I seem to be, and how ridiculous my hair looks without a beard to balance it out. But with the annual shearing comes springtime, so it all balances out. 
Well now we have all the time in the world to suggest new beards for the fall lineup.
May I suggest something in the God motif? I find it fitting.
CMJ, I'm not sure you're old enough to play this game.
And here we see a Danhall in its natural habitat. Spring has just arrived, and it appears the shedding has already begun. The once glorious beard, used to intimidate competing males in the winter, has given way to the smooth-face look designed to attract females during the coming mating season.
CMJ, I'm not sure you're old enough to play this game.
I was actually teasing you because I have that same problem. I keep the mustache as a rule even if I shave the rest of my face--if the mustache leaves, I drop from looking like a late 20s guy to a high schooler.
As far as beards and airport security, I've never really connected them like that. Perhaps I should, considering I'm brown-skinned...but I suppose I've always had a little too much faith in the American justice system. 
And I am vastly accustomed to people looking away when I make eye contact. My friends tell me I wear a permanent scowl when I'm not with them (as in, they see me in public and see my face before I realize they're there), and the scowl just doesn't work when there's no manly facial hair.
EDIT: I just remembered, my avatar to the left pretty much shows what my face looks like. Minus the whole looking like I'm an old computer terminal come to life.
The improbable beard looks better than beardless you. :p
I'd try it if I could grow a regular beard... as I can't, guess I'm sticking with this Handlebar and Goatee.
You people have far too much time (and facial hair) on your hands.
You people have far too much time (and facial hair) on your hands.
I CAN'T STAND IT ANY MORE!!
You people have NO IDEA what a real beard is!
This - THIS is a beard!
(Ashtu runs and hides, giggling maniacally.)
Concerning yourself with how you look is unmanly.
Except for facial hair. Facial hair is the key way to assert your manliness over others' manliness, while still communicating your level of friendliness and attitude as Z's link also refers to.
Too much time? There is not too much time spent on perfecting your beardcraft.
Concerning yourself with how you look is unmanly.
Based on this entirely scientific assessment of the trustworthiness of various facial hair patterns.......
Concerning yourself with how you look is unmanly.
Concerning yourself with how you look is unmanly.
(PS Crikey, Ashtu!)
Concerning yourself with how you look is unmanly.
If you want a proper link, I posted one to that on page two.
What do you think, Islandites?
How about you, Emily?
Considering the shower curtain in the background, that looks like a convincing soap bubble beard. Who doesn't love making those?
I really wish I'd seen the Cthulu curl before I shaved my beard last week.... Oh it would have been amazing!
OH GOD WHY DID I PUT MY FACE ON THE INTERNET
Now there's gonna be a load of shoops and people will point to it and say "This is why you shouldn't put your face on the Internet"
OH GOD WHY DID I PUT MY FACE ON THE INTERNET
OH GOD WHY DID I PUT MY FACE ON THE INTERNET
Now there's gonna be a load of shoops and people will point to it and say "This is why you shouldn't put your face on the Internet"
Sorry for bringing this back from the dead, just thought Dan should see this... The Internet has dubbed his style: The Monkey Tail Beard
...I like "Cthulu Curl" myself. 
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