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 Rohit Part 3 Spoilers and Back-Patting
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 Thursday, July 04 2013 @ 03:30 PM UTC  
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I wrote Rohit a novel originally.

Then I pared it down, and pared it down, and pared it down again.

When I sent it, it was down to: Life is love.

Which probably got him killed fifteen minutes after incorporation. Big Grin

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 Friday, July 05 2013 @ 11:37 AM UTC  
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Here is mine.

I've been thinking a lot about this, my friend. I traveled, talked to people, and heard their stories. I remember my life well, and if I ever have to tell someone how a human should act, I figured I had better get it right.

A human spends so much of their time thinking, wondering what they should do, what they should be like. They never take the chance to sit and accept who they are. They tell themselves things, things that make life easier for them. They tell themselves life gets better, that they will make it through, that they keep going. I guess what I'm trying to say is this.

A human being Hopes.

We want the world to be better, to change it if thats what it takes. We fall, and fail. We make a mess of things. But we know, we know one huge fact about our lives.

You can't lose until you give up.

So we try, and we fight. We don't want to be right about everything, but we can't accept our own failure. We strive to do what we think is best. Fight harder and better, push forward longer. And when we fail, when we lose and suffer. We tell ourselves we'll do better. Because of our whole being is one philosophy.

When we fall we have to get back up, or lie down forever.

So, Rohit, I want you to know that in the end, humans persevere. We know our limitations, we know our weaknesses, we know that we can't do everything. But there is a reason we ignore all of that.

A human being never gives up.

A human being has Hope.

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 Friday, July 05 2013 @ 07:21 PM UTC  
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Normally, I imagine the 'you' in these stories is CMJ, but I would never deign to write to Rohit in the imaginary voice I use for CMJ (which is appropriately goofy in order to further amuse myself). Since he is asking 'you' and 'you' in this case is Carlynne, I decided the best route to go was to say exactly what she'd want to say to a Robot about what makes someone a decent human being.


Stop fucking following me around you creepy-arsed sack of bolts. I don't know why you thought watching me have a piss means we're somehow friends but I swear I'll set Dirt after you if you keep nagging me about what makes something human. Fuck being human. Humanity is for the weak! Also sod off being a robot as well, absolutely useless. No sense of humor, only good for a quick off when there's nothing warm in your bed. You metal lot don't bleed when we cut you and don't scream when we torture you, have barely any concept of valuables and you insist I like you as you saw me nethers and I didn't charge you. You didn't catch the hint when I pushed you off to Stern and didn't even make a good show of murdering him and usurping his position! It's like you don't know a thing about having fun, which really is your problem, here. Try being a Midget sometime, they know what's right in the world.

Ultimately, I hate you, go die in a fire, if I see you near me or mine again you're going to become a light fixture.

-H.R.H. Carlynne, Queen of Pirates, First Mate on the Jackalope

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John Watson
 Tuesday, July 16 2013 @ 05:25 AM UTC  
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I might still be sulking over the fact that I wrote this eloquent and elaborate essay that was so perfectly in character with my, well, character, only to copy-pasta it into the Distraction and THEN find out after I sent it that a good third of it got cut off because it was too. bloody. long. ::faceplant::

I will always - *always* - believe in Sherlock Holmes. :still waiting for Season 3*: * by which I mean THE OTHER Season 3
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 Friday, January 17 2014 @ 09:36 PM UTC  
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Okay, first off, I apologize if this is not Rohit the Robot. Seriously, though, you might want to change your name. I am probably NOT the first person to send something like this to you, and I’m probably not going to be the last.
On to how to be likeable. While there is no specific formula, there are a few things that will help immensely.
First is to have empathy. Empathy is being able to relate to the feelings of others. By understanding the feelings of others, one can better communicate, as well as better help organics. When attempting to have empathy (or at least appear to), try to see things from the person’s perspective. Try to think how and what they would be thinking in the scenario. Sometimes this will be easier than others. After attempting to see things the way they do, say so. “That must have made you feel (insert emotion here).”
Another key trait on being likeable is the ability to listen. Not just hear things, but to listen. When one listens, they help expand on ideas, solve problems, and mostly provide emotional support. When someone explains a scenario they were involved in, let them talk. Ask questions. Say, “That must have made you feel (insert emotion here).” Try to see life the way they do for a short time. When you do this, it allows for an interpersonal connection to be made, and that’s what you are ultimately trying to get.
Manners are another thing that important if you want people to like you. Say “Please” and “Thank you.” Don’t interrupt others unless there’s an emergency. Knock on doors before entering if they don’t belong to you.
Bad hygiene is one of the things to AVOID. Please don’t be smelly. I don’t think robots perspire, but if they do, please make sure to shower. Even if you don’t, please clean up after fighting and getting icky smelly stuff all over you. It’s gross, and people will turn away.
When sharing your vast knowledge, do it in a tactful manner. Don’t tell people they are wrong and walk away. That’s straight up not good. Suggest to them that instead they could approach the problem in a different manner. Some people will NOT be open to new suggestions. No matter what you do or say, they will not see that they are wrong, or at least that there are other views than their own. When it comes to these people, it’s in your best interest to separate yourself from the conversation as quickly as possible and walk away. Otherwise, there’s a good chance that someone will get hurt, and that’s not nearly as fun as some people make it out to be.
I think that’s going to be my hint of wisdom for today. To anyone reading this (and by anyone, I pretty much assume Cave Man Joe, but I could be wrong), Hi! I hope that this wasn’t too dull for you. There’s probably been a lot of letters that are more along the lines of the man in the hospital tent where the main answer to “How to be likeable” is to have tits. So to make your reading a little more entertaining, have a dirty limerick.
There was a young plumber from Leigh
Who was plumbing a girl by the sea
She said, “Please stop your plumbing,
There’s somebody coming.”
Said the plumber, still plumbing, “It’s me”

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Anonymous: Randynne
 Tuesday, March 25 2014 @ 09:22 AM UTC  

Well. I kind of rambled in mine but here was my distraction to Rohit.

Dear Rohit,
Be kind. When someone asks you to do something that is important to them, treat it as something worthy of importance. Remember that all life has a purpose and is interwoven with all others, no matter how pointless a life may seem.
Be willing to try new things and accept change. Be confident that you as a being are worthy of friendship and respect, but be able to accept your flaws when they are pointed out.
Help others when you can, but be willing to back down when they do not want your help. Don't be afraid to ask others for help.
Be Patient.
Understand that no matter what you do, there will always be some people who will not like you. Ask people questions about themselves. Treasure every part of every person, even if some parts make them less than efficient.
Be able to make a choice to take a life, but put thought into it. Only take a life when it is better for the people you care for, whether by being willing to take their life out of mercy if they ask you to do so, or taking a foe's life to protect a friend.
Be willing to tell a kind false truth to protect someone's feelings, but be willing to tell a harsh truth as well.
Never consider yourself better than another. You may be better in some ways, and it is okay to know that, but there are certainly things that they do better than you.

As practice, you should go find and talk to the scariest and least approachable woman on the Island, and ask her where she gets her boots.

Yours Sincerely,

 Friday, July 25 2014 @ 09:40 PM UTC  
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I kept putting this off for stupid reasons, so I decided to stop overthinking and just write it like I would have done right after getting Rohit's message.

Hi there Rohit!

A good person/robot/teacup (delete one or several according to current situation) is certainly one who always has req to spare for its old hiking buddies. Enough for a can of repellant and a couple of MedKits, at the very least. I am sorry to say that most who would be liked by others fail in this very important aspect and are doomed to die alone and unloved, their tears of reject drying on cold metal cheeks.

Don't be a stranger, pal Big Grin

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Anonymous: Ketri
 Tuesday, September 02 2014 @ 02:49 PM UTC  

I decided to sit down and fill the character count and ended up writing him an 800-word essay. I genuinely think this could be given to those poor sods who have no clue how society works. I do wonder if anyone actually ends up reading these.

"How to be Likeable: A Guide by Ketri

Dedicated to a dear friend, Rohit.

To be likeable, you must present a thorough understand of English grammar and social etiquette. Avoid using tortology such as "more better" or some members of society will immediately dislike you upon meeting. Social etiquette dictates that you maintain an acceptable level of politeness when interacting with other Humans, although I believe no-one will protest if you were to display aggression to what is known as a 'wanker' - someone who has no grasp on etiquette and is generally unpleasant. You must avoid being a wanker at all costs.

As you grow closer to others, you may classify them into levels of friendship. First, there is the stranger. This is a person or entity, as Improbable Island may dictate, who you do not know. An acquaintance is the second level, when you have met this person prior and have exchanged words or interactions. The following level does not apply to all people, but it is the class or workmate. This is someone you see on a regular basis and will interact with multiple times. It is advised you know the names of those you interact with from this level onwards. The next is the friend. This is the one you are comfortable with and you will generally like this person enough to see them outside of work and school hours. Your close friends are the next level and these with whom you may have "d&m"s. These are 'deep and meaningful' conversations in which you discuss personal secrets and subjects which are socially sensitive such as death, familial issues and the meaning of life. As I am writing this letter to you, you are included in this category, Rohit. Finally, the closest level is the partner. This person is considered a 'soulmate', and is someone you are happy to live with and see on a regular basis. In human terms, you are 'in love' with them.

You must understand, love is not easily defined. Indeed, I have neglected to mention that it is possible to 'love' a friend, and that it is different to being 'in love' with a partner. Alas, I myself have no experience with the latter, so I shall leave the topic as is.

Thus, once you understand these paradigms, it will be easier to approach and engage with Humans.

Maiko of Kittania has the opinion that being likeable is having a healthy respect for life. Birth, death and living are included in this. I understand that as a Robot, you obtain fuel from the sun and do not have a need to kill to eat but I recommend that if you do not understand the concept, it is safer to maintain a respectful silence rather than commenting with your personal logic.

That is another important characteristic of being likeable - you must know when to refrain from presenting your opinion. Humans and indeed, many races, are offended easily and if you are an offensive character, your likeability declines severely. An understanding of culture aids greatly with this area of social etiquette.

Other ideas of being likeable include being passionate, approachable or good-looking.

You will find that expressing passion to those who ask will endear you to them slightly, particularly if they happen to share a common interest with you. For example, if you were to approach a psychologist with your ideas of 'what is human', Rohit, I am sure you will find someone who is at least willing to listen and discuss with you your ideas.

As for being approachable and good-looking, you will find that it not necessary to have both. For women, in particular, someone who is good-looking and unapproachable will still have a group of friends - or at least, fans - as they will be considered 'brooding' or in slang terms "tall, dark and handsome". It would be very easy for you to find a partner if these were your circumstances.

In contrast, a person who is approachable but unfortunately lacks the good fortune of being attractive will find themselves surrounded by friends, but possibly without a partner for a very long time. Males of this category do have female friends but tend they tend to only be that. Friends. Approachable but ugly men are often 'friend-zoned', in which they are not considered as potential mates due to their appearance or because - and this is often the female's excuse - "You're such a good friend, I don't want to ruin it."

In your circumstances, unless you wish to be the first Robot to mate with a Human, I recommend taking the second approach. Those in the second category tend to have more genuine friends although this may be a vast generalisation.

Rohit, one thing you will realise in your endeavours is that being a human is very complicated, and without a Human heart and brain, your quest to understand us will be long and arduous.

Nevertheless, I will always be by your side to give you aid, because I find you likeable enough, and because you are my friend.

I wish you all the best.
- Ketri"

Spiel over. Congratulations if you actually read all of that - I'm honoured.
Mr. Green

 Sunday, September 21 2014 @ 11:33 AM UTC  
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With apologies to my advisors, the Greek philosophers, and a couple of banterites:

Dear Rohit,

You've already come a long way by simply trying to better Robot relations with the other species on Improbable Island. And no doubt, as you saw with Mister Stern and the curator, you've noticed that it seems like there are all sorts of ways to offend.

First, be patient. With yourself, and with others, because we all have times when we don't understand the world ourselves, or even our own limitations. Be humble, and be willing to learn, and to make amends when you are wrong. You will need to accept too, that sometimes saying sorry, and working hard, will not earn you forgiveness: but then this, too, is part of living.

Be kind, and be yourself. You may think these are two different propositions, and you're probably right. But there's a difference between being frustrated with others' limitations, and directly taking it out on them through your actions. Remember that we are all beings, working to make the best of our initial conditions. Sometimes, in order to preserve your own ability to live, you will need to kill. Especially here on the Island. Make sure you do so with respect for the other being as a living being, and not simply out of the joy of killing. Recognizing that even if the Other thinks very differently from you, their sentience endows them with an autonomy and dignity, is important.

People often appreciate a good sense of humor, but it is just as important to know when to deploy it. Learn to recognize when someone is hurt, or in pain, and if you are able, see if you can help them. Be generous, when you can: with your aid, when you can, and with your friendship. Though it is also important not to be too trusting: a rube may be likable, but he won't survive long. As you gain experience, you will get a better and better sense of when you can allow yourself the luxury of vulnerability.

If you can, try to come to terms with love. A philosopher once told a story, the point of which was that "love is born into every human being: it calls back the halves of our original nature together; it tries to make one out of two and heal the wound of human nature." I think this is as good a story as any, though I would focus more on the "wound of human nature," the insufficiency that allows the poets to say that "no man is an island, entire of itself," and "it is not good that man should be alone": the desire for companionship seems to lie quite deep at the root. The philosophers did not know yet of robots or the many other races on the Island; perhaps they would have revisited the question of whether love is human alone, and always inborn. I like to hope so, at least.

Finally, returning to being yourself: be confident. You will learn more and more every day, and your curiosity about others and about the world will serve you well. Don't be afraid to ask questions; respect that not everyone will always feel like giving answers, and have faith that the impulses that have taken you this far will continue to carry you far. Find the Watcher, and ask her about her boots, and see what she says. And in all of the above, best of luck, my friend.


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 Monday, November 10 2014 @ 08:44 AM UTC  
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Friendship is dependent upon equivalent exchange. You give others what you hope to receive, and they do the same in turn.


Friendship is magic, Rohit. I know you are a being of science, but if you can understand these concepts, share these concepts, and /believe/ in friendship, you too can access its magic.

I have given you what I can. All I ask is that you do the same.

I was considering writing a novel, but instead I wrote this.

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 Saturday, December 27 2014 @ 04:24 PM UTC  
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A good person is anyone, everyone has the full capacity to be a good person, even robots. Being a good person does not mean you have to be a saint. Being a good person is being someone who is always willing to forgive someone. Always strive to understand people, understanding is something people need to be able to make relations with others. Like Havelock Stern, He was scared and upset because he didn't understand what you were trying to do, in that moment he was lacking understanding and it turned into a very volatile situation. Always try putting others before yourself if you can and always try to make others your first priority. Give everyone equal treatment regardless of race or species, treat people different people based on their personal needs, nurture those that need it and push those looking to be stronger. Love everyone like family and always look to make yourself stronger and more loving. Being strong doesn't always mean being able to lift heavy objects or being able to punch hard, sometimes it means you are able to face adversity with grace and kindness, as a robot you face definite adversity and sometimes it is aggravating to you. you just have to understand that some people just don't understand you yet, you just have to give them time and try to explain why you are the way you are kindly and with compassion. Now Rohit, I could say so much more but there is things you'll have to learn on your own as well. Now go out there and show the world there is more to you than just a glass and metal.

Mine was a giant ass paragraph and I feel like it was mostly rambling.

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Full Metal Lion
 Saturday, December 27 2014 @ 11:09 PM UTC  
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I decided I'd waited long enough, and mine was as good as it'd ever get.

This message will contain a collection of notes on your situation, followed by a program for maximising likability in organic interactions.

I hope this note finds you well; I did not see you when last I went to NewHome, and I hope the Drive has not swallowed you whole. Where are you? We should meet up some time.

Reviewing our previous conversation, it seems that at some point a Robot asked someone what sex was, and that someone muttered something about bees loving birds, leaving you with the impression that it must be simulated with a vat of electro-goo. The solution is quite simple; In short, as you know, there are various apparati available *today* which would fulfil your needs, and all they need is correct attachment to a Robot. I am no expert on them myself, but I suggest you ask Sheila, who is knowledgeable in many fields of wearables and devices.

The authorities of CyberCity possess an electronic copy of the personalities of all contestants. Stern has a microchip containing such copies. I suggest you use the most likable one, or (due to ethical concerns) mine.

However, if that chip cannot be found, please use the following program, written in FML’s Machine Language. It is encoded in base64, with 0 to 9 representing 0 to 9, a to z 10 to 35, A to Z 36 to 62, and - and + representing 63 and 64, respectively:


Part of my message was inspired by Sessine, who remembered the recorded personalities in his message. Sorry for mucking up the page width for all of you on small screens.

Rohit of course responded instantly with
From: Rohit
Subject: Protocol Received
Sent: 2014-12-27 23:04:49

Good day Badass Full Metal Lion. Your message confused me, but I converted it to assembly code and ingested it anyway. I sincerely appreciate your assistance.

I accept your program in the hope that it will be useful, but without any warranty, or even an implied warranty of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose.

Yours sincerely,

Hindustan Automatics Model XB-9502, Serial 04f28c10, firmware version Unofficial 2.30

Or, if you prefer, your friend Rohit the Robot.

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 Sunday, April 26 2015 @ 07:30 PM UTC  
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I decided the best answer was the one already in front of my face:

I've considered the question of what it means to be a good person in the hopes of providing you some guidelines that you could use to develop a program such as the one you seek. The problem is very complex, because "good" and even "person" are flexible concepts that can change according to circumstances, and both terms are somewhat subjective; two different people may -- and probably will -- provide rather different definitions for those terms when asked.

And then I realized: you've already provided a better program for being a good person than I could ever hope to define. You, Rohit, are a good person.

Perhaps the reason you haven't seen this, yet, is because you consider being a good person to be a set of rules that can be followed. Instead, being a good person is not a thing; it is an ongoing action. It is what you do as you seek to understand others, to build bridges between your people and others, to become more than you are, every day, all of the time.

A good person is not a thing with set specifications. Being a good person is what you are doing. Please keep doing it.

You'll be fine.

Your Friend,

Life is probably just a metaphor for something
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 Tuesday, May 12 2015 @ 09:21 PM UTC  
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I feel pretty proud of this. Took me long enough to work past the pressure and writers block.


I first want to say that being human and being likeable and kind are two different things. To be human is to be flawed, to be angry and have issues involving petty things. I would compare it similar to the fragments that used to form on old computer hard-drives. But to be human is also to laugh, to listen and to love. Being likeable is simply the good without the bad, the light without the dark, binary without zeros. You cannot be human without the negatives experiences, for those shape how you laugh and love. What would motivate you to give your life to protect someone. An old friend of mine, from before I came to the island said it the best. "Reavan, don't be a dick." And so, I'll pass that same advice along.

Rohit, don't be a dick.

Your friend,

But of course Rohit instantly responded with his factory standard response.

Wonder if there are any others.

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 Friday, December 18 2015 @ 02:08 AM UTC  
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Here's what I wrote, for posterity.


It seems like you've asked for two different things. You want to be liked, and you want to be a good person. You can try to do both, but you need to understand that they're not the same thing.

Here's a shortcut for until you've learned something more sophisticated: A moral person is someone who collaborates with moral people. You should find good role models and emulate them. That will help you get started interacting with organics until you gather enough data to make decisions for yourself.

I'm not sure what else to say that isn't a platitude. Be respectful of others while being honest with them, and be true to yourself and what you think. Be thoughtful and considerate of others. Don't be a dick. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, not in specifics like giving them oil changes, but in generalities, like being there when they need someone to talk to.

You'll do fine. Good luck.

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