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Zaehlas
 Saturday, August 29 2009 @ 12:25 AM UTC  
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Description: You are walking through the jungle minding your own business when you come across a small clearing with a bag of potato chips just lying in the middle.

What luck! You sit down and start munching away. You are almost finished with the bag when the last full chip with an extra dusting of fake cheese falls to the jungle floor. You grab for it, but miss.

You try again, but the chip seems to move. Once more, but you can't seem to grab it as you contort yourself into some crazy yoga trying to pick it up.

As your mental clock is ticking down, you howl in frustration and pull out your weapon...

You have encountered Fallen Potato Chip which lunges at you with The 5 Second Rule.

Upon Winning: You successfully snatch up the dust-covered chip and chow down. Victory never tasted so good!

Upon Losing: You cry as the chip mocks you, forever just inches from your fingertips.


 
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Anonymous: Escemfer
 Thursday, September 03 2009 @ 08:00 PM UTC  


You are cutting through the shadows of the jungle with the speed and grace of a tiger, searching for prey. You spy your target. The Mighty Magpie, dozing in a clearing... Thinking of how much experience you could get by slaying this rare foe, you creep closer...

"What are you doing?!" screeches a voice from behind you. You spin around, horrified. No, it can't be...

"I've asked you to do the dishes three times now, and they're still not done!"

"I'll do them in a minute..." you begin, but the harridan interrupts you with her horrible wailing once more.

"No, you'll do them now! I don't care how important you think whatever you're doing is, it can wait!"

You have encountered Your Mother which lunges at you with boring chores!


Victory: Having finally shut her up, you turn to discover that the Mighty Magpie is gone.

Failure: You spend the next five years doing dishes, while legions of lucky rookies stumble upon the easy kill you lost.


 
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duphenix
 Sunday, October 11 2009 @ 05:10 AM UTC  
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Posts: 9

The Mad Hatter

I don't really have and flavour text for this one. But I think he should be tied to your hat size, like the Magpie is to your jewelry and the Giant Tattoo Monster is to your tats.


 
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talkydoor
 Sunday, October 11 2009 @ 12:29 PM UTC  
Forum Improbable Badass
Improbable Badass

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Posts: 162

Quote by: duphenix

The Mad Hatter

I don't really have and flavour text for this one. But I think he should be tied to your hat size, like the Magpie is to your jewelry and the Giant Tattoo Monster is to your tats.



YES!!! I'd love this. Certain people would finally get their comeuppance (yes I'm talking about you. What? No, please, put your hat back on. Nooooo)


 
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monsterzero
 Monday, October 12 2009 @ 05:10 AM UTC  
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Registered: 09/17/09
Posts: 87

Quote by: duphenix

The Mad Hatter

I don't really have and flavour text for this one. But I think he should be tied to your hat size, like the Magpie is to your jewelry and the Giant Tattoo Monster is to your tats.



That would be awesome and make perfect sense.

How about Soda Vending Machine?
*************
DESCRIPTION:
You are becoming severely dehydrated and have nothing to drink. Staggering around a particularly large tree trunk, you spy a huge, quietly humming box. You recognize the glowing, colorful logo and run up to it with hoarse cries of joy.

Your favorite brand of soft drink!

The small metal plaque says one bottle costs 2 Requisition. You dig in your pockets and fish out the coins, fumbling the first one into the slot. The coin disappears without a sound, and the digital readout still says 00 REQ. You wail in desperation and put in another req: 01 REQ. You drop another coin in the slot: 00 REQ. Frantically you hammer the coin return and get one req back. The machine now says 01 REQ, so you put the coin back in: 02 REQ. Heart in your parched, sere throat, you push the large square button for your hard-won bottle of cool, refreshing liquid.

You hear a whirring noise followed by a CLUNK! but nothing appears in the bottom slot.

You choke back a sob and draw your weapon.

NAME:
Soda Vending Machine

WEAPON:
No Soda

DEFEAT MESSAGE:
At last, that taunting glow is extinguished for good! But now you're thirstier than ever.

VICTORY MESSAGE:
The machine falls over onto you, crushing a rib, and more importantly, what was left of your spirit.


 
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Kuroiten
 Monday, October 12 2009 @ 06:52 AM UTC  
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Registered: 01/28/09
Posts: 52

Description: As you walk through the Jungle juggling the remnants of a toaster, a rice cooker, and a rake, something makes a large crashing noise through the undergrowth in front of you. Curious, you decide to investigate. Could be something ludicrously large that you can chop to bits and sell to eBoy! The something turns out to be a humongous Robot, three times your size and bristling with weaponry. Its single electronic eye focuses on you, then on the sad, tangled remains of the inanimate objects that attacked you.

HOSTILE ENCOUNTERED DESECRATING THE FALLEN, it drones. TERMINATE WITH EXCESSIVE FORCE.

You dodge its initial volley and draw your weapon. What were you expecting to happen when you were tossing about dead Improbable things?

You have encountered WarBot which lunges at you with excessive vengeful force.

Victory: You doubt you can juggle this one.

Defeat: Yeah, you deserved that. Jerk.

Level: 5-6

Island only


Judging by the chaos, I've been here already.
 
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Anonymous: NotAgain
 Thursday, October 15 2009 @ 10:55 PM UTC  



You are walking along when you hear an odd, semi-musical noise. In a clearing to one side, you notice a fluorescing column of light. Inside it, a shape starts to form, then coalesces into...

...a James T. Kirk.

James T Kirk tries to disarm you with a charming smile.

Aim at smarmy smile
Aim at receding hairline
Aim at flabby belly

Victory Message: Don't fool with The Next Generation.

Defeat Message: He's dead, Jim.

.


 
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XaNe
 Friday, October 16 2009 @ 05:24 AM UTC  
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Registered: 07/31/09
Posts: 82

As you walk through a surprisingly light portion of jungle, you begin to notice something. The trees have been wallpapered. And rather shabbily as well. Soon the underbrush gives way to tiling and plush shag carpeting intermittently. Just as you consider turning around, you notice something ahead. A door. And just past the door, it seems that someone has set up an office. This fellow seems to, however, have been unable to procure any walls for his office. As you read the name on the door, Finkleston and Rodgers, attorneys at law, you realize your mistake.

Just before you can escape into the jungle, a snarky voice shouts, "Wait there! Yes you! I have a suit against you! Consider this an official notification, witnessed as well!" When you tilt your head curiously, he points to a nearby tree-frog. Clearly this man is not only a member of the vilest practice on earth, he's completely insane.

Before you can explain the situation, the little man is upon you, shouting about copyright violations, and cruelty towards animals, among a multitude of other things. You cover your ears and eyes, trying to shut out the attorney, but to no avail. In an attempt to make it stop, you begin to flail wildly with your weapon, hoping you hit him.

You have encountered Attorney which lunges at you with Orders to Cease and Desist!

Win: How's that for a dismissal of services?

Lose: He'll see you in court.


Some people see the glass as half full, some people see it as half empty, I just spit in the cup until it isn't a problem anymore.
 
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Symar
 Thursday, October 22 2009 @ 01:05 AM UTC  
Forum Improbable Badass
Improbable Badass

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Registered: 04/16/09
Posts: 212

This


 
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Chimental
 Thursday, October 22 2009 @ 02:07 AM UTC  
Forum Improbable Badass
Improbable Badass

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Registered: 06/30/09
Posts: 371

It carries the Improbable flag. It must exist.

It looks it would carry mountains of tasty meat.


I make the many models of a mutant individual. To make them I use vegetables, animals, and minerals. From robot bugs to zombie bears to many singing barnacles.
 
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Yrk
 Thursday, October 22 2009 @ 08:43 PM UTC  
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Badass

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Registered: 03/25/08
Posts: 80

It looks it would carry mountains. Period.


 
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The Lord of BBQ
 Friday, October 23 2009 @ 10:30 AM UTC  
Forum Newbie
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Registered: 10/23/09
Posts: 1

(That thing should definitely be a monster!)

As you wander through the Jungle, you encounter yet another annoying cat. Sighing, you draw your weapon, only to feel a bone-jarring thud on the back of your head. Turning, you find the culprit much deadlier than the cat you were about to slay for Requisition, and you eye with a raised brow its bludgeoning tool...

You have encountered Happycat which lunges at you with Chapstick!

Victory: Not so happy now, are you?
Defeat: NEDM
--
You found something!
You stumble upon a wooden supply crate, parachute still attached. You spend a few minutes getting it open.


























Nothing but dust!? You attack!!!
You have encountered Empty Crate which lunges at you with Disappointment!
Victory: At least you get requisition for smashing it apart...
Defeat: You fall into the box and the lid smashes shut. You try to get out, but to no avail. Some clever bastard wanders along and puts a postage stamp on it, and mails it to the FailBoat.


 
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Tyr
 Saturday, October 24 2009 @ 03:30 AM UTC  
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Badass

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Registered: 09/15/09
Posts: 98

With help from Dubious halo and CrashTestPilot:

Walking through the jungle, you come to the bank of a river. The ferryman is nowhere in sight. Sitting down to wait for the ferry to return, you drain an energy drink and toss the can in the water. The river bubbles, and an elephant's trunk curls around the can. Astonished, you can only watch as the trunk flings the can back at you, beaning you in the forehead! Enraged, you throw a rock at the trunk, and gloat as it disappears beneath the surface of the water. Then it resurfaces. As does another trunk. And another. And another. You've begun to wonder if you've happened upon the secret elephant swimming grounds when a monstrous creature, half elephant and half octopus, rises from the river, waving its trunks at you. You realize that those aren't trunks at all, and stumble back from the abomination. He gives you a sad look, as if to say "I should not be!" You decide to oblige him.

You have encountered Octophant, who lunges at you with Trunktacles!

Win: That's a lot of calamari.
Lose: Gored, strangled, and drowned. A personal best!


 
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Chimental
 Sunday, October 25 2009 @ 05:00 PM UTC  
Forum Improbable Badass
Improbable Badass

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Registered: 06/30/09
Posts: 371

Quote by: Chimental


Name: Swine Flu

Attacks with: Mass Hysteria

Description: A sickly looking hog with tattered wings. Thinks he's the most powerful thing on the face of the earth.

I can make a story for when you encounter him and defeat/victory messages later if need be.



Got a story



While looking for that damn moose that tried to shoot you, you stumble upon a large hog. It doesn't look like the piglets you used to eat. For one thing, it has what looks like a pair of wings, if you would call it that. The feathers have all but fallen off. Its face is coated in 'you don't wanna know'. Overall, the whole thing looks sickly.

You make a face of disgust. "Fugly looking thing."

The pig snorts, "How dare you insult me, weakling!"

You blink. It talks. Of course it can. "And you are?"

The pig raises his head high. "I am the most feared creature on this planet. I've spread all over the world, infecting thousands with chills and sore throats.The mere mention of my name sends people running in terror."

"You do realize," You start, realizing what this thing is, "That more people die from malaria every year. And by smallpox too."

"But..."

"And tuberculosis, bee stings, the plague,"

"Yes, but..."

"And hell, on this island, more people are turned into zombies, drink poison rivers, have their souls ripped out by Stonehenge, ripped to shreds by undead wolves, burned by kangaroos, piss off the Watcher, eaten by gazebos..."

Squealing loudly, it goes for your ankle.

You have encountered Swine Flu which lunges at you with Mass Hysteria.

Victory: You make a note to visit the Hospital Tent, just in case.

Defeat: The last thing you hear before blacking out is a loud squeal and a slight cough coming from you.

Yields: 7C 2H 1T


I make the many models of a mutant individual. To make them I use vegetables, animals, and minerals. From robot bugs to zombie bears to many singing barnacles.
 
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Ferryn
 Monday, November 02 2009 @ 10:30 PM UTC  
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Posts: 38

This one's a collaboration between me and Genevieve.

Description:

As you enter a clearing, you hear a distressed meowing.

"Better not be another of those zombie kittens" you mutter to no one in particular.

But it certainly doesn't smell like the rot and decay of one. It smells... buttery?

The meowing grows in volume, until something bursts through the treeline, spinning rapidly like a power drill. You take a step back, trying to get a good look at it. The spinning slows for a brief second, just enough time for you to see.

It's a cat. And there's toast tied to it's back, butter side up.

It yowls again, as it launches itself at you, claws outstretched, spinning wildly.

You have encountered Toast Cat which launches at you with Rotating Levitation

Upon Winning: You sever the rope binding the two. The cat waddles off, particularly dizzy. You eat the toast.

Upon Losing: The cat lets out a satisfied meow, and spins off to find its next victim.


 
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Genevieve
 Monday, November 02 2009 @ 10:51 PM UTC  
Forum Improbable Badass
Improbable Badass

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Registered: 10/01/09
Posts: 164

A few MoTD's ago CaveManJoe made a note about the Island being laggey when more than 100 or so people were online... so:



As you are walking through the jungle you feel your movements start to slow considerably. The world seems to flicker and fade around you. In the distance you see a monster approaching, but you cannot move... Actually... it is not moving either... Wait, you know this feeling...

you have encountered Lag which lunges at you with Agonizingly Long Loading Times

Win: Your movements return to their normal speed as a few people Quit to the fields.

Lose: Your defeated form is suspended in space, as the lag fades it flops forward ungracefully.


This has the Ferryn seal of approval! if that counts for anything


 
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talkydoor
 Tuesday, November 03 2009 @ 01:14 AM UTC  
Forum Improbable Badass
Improbable Badass

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Registered: 09/10/09
Posts: 162

Quote by: Genevieve



As you are walking through the jungle you feel your movements start to slow considerably. The world seems to flicker and fade around you. In the distance you see a monster approaching, but you cannot move... Actually... it is not moving either... Wait, you know this feeling...

you have encountered Lag which lunges at you with Agonizingly Long Loading Times

Win: Your movements return to their normal speed as a few people Quit to the fields.

Lose: Your defeated form is suspended in space, as the lag fades it flops forward ungracefully.


This has the Ferryn seal of approval! if that counts for anything



Hahah! I would hit this monster so very, very hard.


 
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Anonymous: Glacier
 Tuesday, November 03 2009 @ 11:09 AM UTC  


I don't remember seeing this monster, and if it isn't one it definitely should be.

You hack your way through the dense jungle, searching for monsters for you to kill and entertain the crowds watching you from the cameras.

Suddenly, you catch a glimpse of something reflecting the light. Drawing your weapon, you leap out and see a series of small, sparkly objects spinning on strings as they hang off a branch. Sheathing your weapon, you smile as you watch them spin and catch the sunlight.

So pretty. You could watch them shine... forever...


You have been attacked by Shiny Things which lunge at you with mesmerising beauty!

Victory Message: You tear your eyes away and throw your coat over them. Finally you can get on with your day, but that was your favorite coat.

Defeat Message: A passing midget sees you distracted and whacks you on the back of the head. Should have been more alert.




Also,

You encounter a young man with paper wings stuck to his elbows and a cardboard horn on his back painted green.

Amused, you approach him. "And you are?"

"I'm a Lert!" he says proudly, standing straight and trying to look as manly as can. He fails.

"A what?"

"A Lert. You know, the government and the police are always telling people to 'Stay a Lert.' I wasn't really sure what one was, but now that I am one, I'll stay one to do my country proud."

"Stay Alert?" you repeat. "Oh dear." You raise your weapon. Some things just don't deserve to stay a Lert any longer.


You have been attacked by A Lert which lunges at you with a Confused Sense of Patriotism!


Victory Message: You really hope he wasn't from YOUR country.

Defeat Message: "Yes! Stay a Lert and Stay Safe!" He cries over your broken body.


 
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Reverb
 Tuesday, November 03 2009 @ 12:38 PM UTC  
Forum Improbable Badass
Improbable Badass

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Registered: 08/28/09
Posts: 448

Oh dear god.. A Lert realy needs to be a lvl 16 one Smile

Lets see now..

As you wrest your way through the ferns and mother-in-law's tongues, the undergrowth suddenly gives way to a cozy little living room, including a persian rug and a paisley ottoman. As you look around warily, a kindly-looking old lady shuffles in, carrying a large tea tray. "Hello dear.. i reckoned you would care for some tea, with all those nasty monsters you've been fighting.."

You glare at her suspiciously as she puts down the tray and pours out two thin, porcelain cups. "Well come now dear, sit down, have a bisquit!" she sais cheerfully as she takes your hand and pulls you into a slightly mouldy-looking chair. After handing you a cup of scalding hot tea, she returns to her rocking-chair and takes up her knitting, smiling at you. You relent, and reach down for a bisquit, when suddenly a swishing soundand something sharp pressing against the back of your neck makes you freeze.

"I'll make you pay for what you did to my poor friend Rosalie!" an elderly voice quavers behind you.

You have encountered Nina Granny, which lunges at you with Stabby Knitting Needles!


Win: You rip the needles from her feeble hands and stab her through the heart. "All i wanted was some tea!" you scream in her face as the light fades from her eyes.
Lose: As she manages to get a strangle-hold on you with some wool, the last thing you can recall is her triumphant voice whispering in your ear before everything goes black... "Ninja'd!"




Credit for combined inspiration goes to Albert, Sheila's Granny's Knitting Needles, and Rival Angels webcomic Smile


"Censure acquits the Raven, but pursues the Dove." "So, that means i'm -always- innocent, right?"
 
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Fuzzy
 Monday, November 09 2009 @ 09:37 PM UTC  
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Registered: 10/18/09
Posts: 1

You stumble into a clearing and hear bubbling laughter. A small group of six year old girls are gathered around a table.

"Come play with us!" one calls

You sit at the table, and are poured imaginary tea and served imaginary scones.

"You can wear the tiara!" cries one, shoving a gaudy crown in your face.
"I'll do your make-up!" shouts another, pulling out a compact.

"I'd better leave," you say, but as you stand, two little girls block your path, holding a purple leotard and a pink tutu.


You are attacked by little girl tea party which lunges at you with gaudy clothes and makeup

Aim for the make-up artist
Aim for the stylist
Aim for the imaginary cook

On victory: You look around to be sure child services wasn't watching, and slink out of the clearing.

On Defeat: The little girls dress your unconscious body... You'll be cleaning glitter out of your undies for weeks!


 
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