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Bryce
 Tuesday, November 10 2009 @ 08:19 PM UTC  
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I came up with two new monster ideas today that I'd like to fly by the developers...

Here they are:

NAME: A Jumbo PRON Prawn.

WEAPON: used Kleenex.

DESCRIPTION:
As you’re walking along, you hear some odd slapping type noises and some panting off beyond some nearby bushes. Making your way through the underbrush you push a branch off to the side and see it.

In the clearing, sitting on a recliner is what appears to be a very large prawn watching a movie on a large screen television. On the screen is what appears to be an orgy involving a football team, a cheerleading squad, and the school’s goat mascot. The odd noises continue from the prawn for another minute before they stop as he grunts once or twice. After a moment, he drops what appears to be a used tissue into an already large pile beside the armchair.

As he turns to grab the bottle of hand lotion and another tissue from the nearby TV tray, he spots you.

“Hey! Don’t you know enough to at least KNOCK!?!?” he screams at you. Jumping up, he grabs the pile of Kleenex and begins throwing them at you. “Get out of my room and leave me alone!!” he screams. As you begin dodging the disgusting projectiles, you can't help but wonder where he thinks he is...

DEFEAT MESSAGE: The prawn falls, dead at your feet. You kick him once to make sure before looking around to check if anyone else is around to see. “I’m sure nobody will miss this…” you say taking the DVD from the player. “Or these…” you add as you put a handful of movies from a nearby stack in your pack.

VICTORY MESSAGE: “Wow…” you think to yourself as you lose consciousness. “That constant exercise gave him one hell of a strong throwing arm…”

JUNGLE: TRUE

FAILBOAT: FALSE


__________________________________________________________________________________________

NAME: A Squadron of Flying Pigs


WEAPON: a .50 cal chain gun.


DESCRIPTION:
“What is that odd sound?” you wonder to yourself. The woods had been quiet aside from the sounds of a few birds and the chittering of a squirrel somewhere nearby. But now, there is a droning sound that’s getting louder somewhere… above… you?

You look up. “Ahhh shit. Well, it was bound to happen eventually…”

Flying low and getting closer is a squadron of small biplanes piloted by, of all things… pigs wearing aviator goggles.

“I wonder if I’ll finally get that raise at work…” you wonder to yourself, recalling your manager’s response the last time you asked.

The planes begin to bank towards you and swoop in for a strafing run.


DEFEAT MESSAGE: A deft side-step and quick move back into the woods, and the last of the biplanes crashes into a large tree trunk, exploding on impact. “Well, I guess it just goes to show that pigs weren’t meant to fly…” you say to yourself as you begin heading down the trail again.


VICTORY MESSAGE: As your bloody and perforated body falls to the forest floor, the last thing to go through your head is… one last bullet.


JUNGLE: TRUE

FAILBOAT: FALSE



 
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g_rock
 Tuesday, November 10 2009 @ 08:47 PM UTC  
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Had a thought...

You decide to take a break and sit on a fallen log. Wiping the blood and slime from your eyes, you see a newspaper lying facedown in the sun. You open it and begin to read...
Wait, Who got the watcher pregnant? The Pleasantville Steaks are made from What!?!?
You look at the front page and gasp in disgust. You try to throw the paper to the ground, but it sticks stubbornly to your hands. You free one, and draw your weapon.
You have encountered:
The II Enquirer
Which lunges at you with:
Blatant Falsehoods

Aim for:Forum of Filth
Aim for:Gallery of Shame
Aim for:Wiki of Lies

Success: You manage to Ban the Sick Filth, and head home to add the victory to your Wiki Bio
Fail: Your ears and eyes start to bleed from the sheer amount of putrescence flowing into your mind. As you lose consciousness, you see your name appear in one of the headlines. Oh god, why?


 
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Shay
 Sunday, November 15 2009 @ 10:50 AM UTC  
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NAME: German-speaking Robot

WEAPON: shouts of "Exterminieren!"

DESCRIPTION: You're stumbling through a particularly mucky part of the jungle when you hear a familiar sound. Synthesized speech - although it doesn't seem to be in English. Stepping through the brush, you see a kind of robot you've never seen before.

It looks more like some absurd pepper shaker than machine. It's covered with little silver bumps, some sort of camera eye-stalk, and... is that a plunger for an arm? You fight back a giggle and start making your way over to it, snapping a twig in the process. The robot turns to you, raises its other arm, and fires what turns out to be a built-in laser.

Oh dear.

TARGETTING:
Aim For the Eyestalk - You fling some nearby mud onto "his" eyestalk, but the robot vaporizes it before the mud can do much damage.
Eyestalk Killed - You damage the eyestalk, and hear the robot shout "Meine sicht ist beeintraechtigt; ich kann nicht sehen!"

Aim For the Plunger Arm - You laugh. That.. plunger is just too funny. It's gotta go.
Plunger Arm Killed - With a swift blow from your {weapon}, the plunger snaps in two.


Aim For the Laser Gun Arm - You decide to try and disarm it. After all, with the gun gone, what'll it do? Plunge you?
Laser Gun Arm Killed - Your weapon crashes onto the eggbeater-like gun, and sparks start flying from it. The robot then retracts its arm, and brings out a new gun. So much for that idea.

DEFEAT MESSAGE: The robot blasts you, and you collapse, unconscious. Good thing its lasers were set on stun.

VICTORY MESSAGE: You kick it over, and while the robot flails about, you run up some nearby stairs.

JUNGLE: TRUE

FAILBOAT: FALSE



Motivation: [1][2] [3]


 
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monsterzero
 Sunday, November 15 2009 @ 05:22 PM UTC  
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You know you've played too much II when...

DESCRIPTION:
You've been on the Island a very, very long time, and you've encountered a lot of strange monsters, but something about the creature that balances precariously on its hind legs in front of you just makes you want to cringe and scream.

The duet of flattened, white- and mud-colored eyes are bad enough, and the large fleshy beak looks dangerous...

..but when you add four bizarrely disproportioned limbs to a peculiarly unfurred, disgustingly vertical torso, it's just too much.

It lurches toward you with one paw outstretched, croaking "heh-low, heh-low" and hideously baring its rectangular fangs.

NAME:
Humanmorph

WEAPON:
Featherless Bipedalism

DEFEAT MESSAGE:
Even after you've killed it, you keep pounding until it's completely unrecognizable. It was just that ugly.

VICTORY MESSAGE:
As it enfolds you in its terrible bare-hug, you pass out from sheer revulsion.

JUNGLE:
True

FAILBOAT:
False

AUTHOR:
monsterzero


 
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SicPuess
 Sunday, November 15 2009 @ 05:29 PM UTC  
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Quote by: monsterzero

NAME:
Humanmorph WEAPON:
Featherless Bipedalism



Okay, there are plenty of humans around, and there's a couple of human monsters, but still...
Mr. Green HEE.


 
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Anonymous: tesla_jaxx
 Monday, November 16 2009 @ 06:37 PM UTC  


I've been kicking one around for a little bit:

Monster Name: Brian O'Nolan

Weapon: Psuedonyms

Description:
You hack down a large piece of underbrush and stumble into a clearing. There ahead of you is a rather strange looking man.

You begin to chat with him for a bit. He's an interesting fellow, but things just don't add up. It seems that for every fact he tells you, he tells you a lie as well. Soon, the contradictions are so blatantly thick that birds are slamming into them and falling out of the sky around you. Suddenly, you remember where you've seen this man before. He is Flan O'Brien Myles na gCopaleen Brian O'Nolan. You had to read one of his books in high school, and you still can't figure out the insanely twisting plots. This is your chance to thank him personally for his contribution to the literary community with a reference to his work.

"Phwat is yer nam?" you ask.

"Brian O'Nolan," he says with an Irish brogue.

You immediately smash him in the head with the base of your weapon and scream "Yer nam is Jams O'Donnell!"

O'Nolan rises to his feet, brushes himself off, and says "Oh, I see you're a fan. Allow me, then, to put on the poor mouth" as he swipes at your face.

Targets:
Flan O'Brien psuedonym:
You throw one stone at the copy of At Swim Two Birds.
The book explodes in a confetti explosion. "What the hell does that even mean?"

Myles na gCopaleen psuedonym:
With a tremendous grunt, you swipe at his stack of editorials.
"Dear Editor," you say as kick him square in the margins.

multitudes of as yet unidentified personas
You strike down one, only to see three more take its place.
How many psuedonyms does one person need?

Victory:
As the author falls to the ground, you kick him a few more times, just to remind him that a book only needs one opening, not three.

Defeat:
Suddenly, you are swarmed by the legion of psuedonym's lurking in the bushes. Who needs that many, anyway?


 
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Hairy Mary
 Thursday, November 19 2009 @ 01:44 PM UTC  
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I'm not sure if this is the right place to put this, but here we go.
First of all, to those who are sorting out the list of monsters with spelling and adding new ones etc. Well done, job well done.

Now. Is it possible that you go through them and ensure that each one starts with an empty line? At the moment the first paragraph merges in with the precedeing comment about 'You are wandering through the jungle...' This is particularly noticeable with the Flying Helper Monkeys which goes
1st para. 'You are wandering through the jungle looking for monsters...It was a bad idea.'
2nd para. Rest of Flying Monkey write up.
The meaning of 'It was a bad idea.' changes completely. This sort of things happens with many/most encounters. Don't know if this is possible or not, but if it is then it would help make these things that bit nicer.

Also is it possible to change the wording of The Largest Midget You've Ever Seen so instead of 'coming up to your shoulder', it's 'over 4 ft tall' or something? As a midget myself he certainly comes up to well over shoulder. Now such quirks are to a large extent inevitable, you certainly can't have seperate descriptions depending on the race that the player is playing, and I'm perfectly happy overlooking these things; but if there's an easy way to avoid them, then,well, it would make things that little bit better. In my opinion anyway.
If you could do this, then I would be most grateful and may even hit you slightly less hard next time I'm trying to mug you in the jungle. Smile

Cheers
Hairy Mary


 
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Hairy Mary
 Thursday, November 19 2009 @ 01:54 PM UTC  
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By now you have learnt to empty your mind when wandering through the jungle. Afterall whenever you think about anything, the Drive has a habit of making it a reality and sending it to attack you. Suddenly you realise the truth of that, and its consequences. You smile to yourself and start thinking hard about a teddy bear with a large sack of req. Concentrating on this image, you hear a noise behind you. You turn around and come face to face with a twelve foot tall teddy bear with brass fangs and muscles like cannon balls.

Name: Giant Teddy Bear
Attacks with: Large sack of req.

You win message. "Now for that sack of req! Hang on a second, this is all forged req knocked up on Dada the Ambulatory Printing Press! Foul!"

You loose message. "Next time try thinking of a sabretooth tiger instead. It will probably be a lot safer."


 
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Daedalus
 Thursday, November 19 2009 @ 07:53 PM UTC  
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You are walking through the jungle ... etc

... you encounter a Shao Lin monk, who talks with an American accent!

"What do you gain by the slaughter of jungle creatures?" he asks.

You sigh and draw your weapon, muttering "Let's get this over with."

You have been beset by David Carradine, who attacks with weirdly slow motion Kung Fu.

Win message: You lean over his twitching corpse and say: "Why do you ask, Grasshopper?"
Lose message: He leans over you as you are (removed to Failboat) and says: "When you can snatch this stone from my hand ... "


The lunatics are taking over the asylum! Come with?
 
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Reverb
 Friday, November 20 2009 @ 11:29 AM UTC  
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(shaolin is just one word)

Having found a most promising crate, you decide you'd better get a move on with cracking it open. Soon, its contents spill out, and you start packing your collected junk into your backpack.
.. or, you would, if you'd just manage to get it all in.. surely it has to fit, somehow?
An hour or so later, you throw it aside, snarling "So, that's how it's going to be, eh?", and drawing your weapon.

You have encountered Full Backpack, which lunges at you with Inefficient Packing!

Aim for the seams: You lunge at the stitching. It has to become bigger if you remove them, right?
destroyed; The seams give, and the backpack falls in two. Technically you can now fit more stuff between the front and back, yeah. (no efect)

Aim for the camo-print: You try to tear at the fabric, which blends in most irritatingly with the background.
destroyed; You tear off the camo, revealing the recycled Enquirers used to build the thing underneath. (defence down)

Aim for the straps; You go for the straps, which are trashing about wildly at you!
destroyed; Managing to undo them on one side, you find you've just given the backpack a set of highly effective noodly appendages! (attack up)

Victory; Ah-ha! You flip an item backwards, shove it down the leftmost hole, shift the topmost item to the right, and fit in your last unpacked posession perfectly!

Defeat; Unable to find a solution to your infuriating conundrum, your blood pressure goes up untill you faint. As your are dragged off towards the Failboat, you hear the staff muttering; "Reminds me of my dad when he packed the car for the holidays..."


"Censure acquits the Raven, but pursues the Dove." "So, that means i'm -always- innocent, right?"
 
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FunnyMan
 Saturday, December 05 2009 @ 09:34 AM UTC  
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NAME: City Hall
FIGHTS WITH: red tape

DESCRIPTION: As you wander through the jungle, you reach a clearing. Eager to see what monster you're about to face, you peer through the branches.

A large, marble-fronted building fills the clearing. Several well-dressed men can be seen climbing the front steps with large bags of something.

Looking closer, you see an inscription carved into the building. "CITY HALL"

"City Hall?" you say, "I can't fight that!"

As you turn to leave, one of the politicians trips, falling onto the bag he was carrying. It bursts, sending thousands of requisition clanging down the steps.

"Then again...."

DEFEAT: You fought the law, and the law kicked your ass.

VICTORY: Predictably, the politicians have vanished with most of your money. Again.

JUNGLE: True

FAILBOAT: True


 
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jamesb1995
 Saturday, December 05 2009 @ 11:21 AM UTC  
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I have one.

Name: George Bush
Lunges at you with: 3 Trillion dollar debt

------------------------------------------------------------
Description: You march confidently into the Jungle, completely sure of your future. You hear a strange noise and turn around. Nothing, just your imagination. You peer around for a moment and spy a newspaper. "Well, well, well... Lets see what this is all about." you say as you open it. You read for a moment and your jaw drops. "Oh my god! this actually happened?" You say aloud. "Banks plummet, USA in three trillion dollar debt. WHO WAS RESPONSIBLE?" you shout.

You hear a sound and wheel around. You are face-to-face with the answer. Geoge W. Bush.
You glare at him as you ready your weapon.
-------------------------------------------------------------

Aim: Aim for the incompetence. Can't you see? This war is KILLING US! Health 20
Aim for the Accent. Okay, okay, great... You're from Texas, now learn to speak properly! Health 7
Aim for the flying shoe. You watch as a spectator flings a shoe at him, and cant help but snicker. Health 35
Win: Change has come to America, at last.
Lose: I guess the end of the world isn't that bad....
Meat: 5 crap, 1 half-decent, 0 tasty.

Jungle = True
FailBoat = False


 
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monsterzero
 Saturday, December 05 2009 @ 06:29 PM UTC  
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I found a CMJ-approved new monster submission template gathering dust back in the creaky mists of the ancient dawn of prehistorical time before the inflationary epoch (add more "really old" clichés here):

http://enquirer.improbableisland.com/forum/viewtopic.php?forum=9&showtopic=1398

Note that battles are from the monster's POV, so that Victory Message should describe the contestant's humiliation, and vice versa.

*************

EDIT: btw, GWB may be "from" Texas, but he was born in Connecticut.


 
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jamesb1995
 Sunday, December 06 2009 @ 02:37 AM UTC  
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Quote by: jamesb1995

I have one.

Name: George Bush
Lunges at you with: 3 Trillion dollar debt

------------------------------------------------------------
Description: You march confidently into the Jungle, completely sure of your future. You hear a strange noise and turn around. Nothing, just your imagination. You peer around for a moment and spy a newspaper. "Well, well, well... Lets see what this is all about." you say as you open it. You read for a moment and your jaw drops. "Oh my god! this actually happened?" You say aloud. "Banks plummet, USA in three trillion dollar debt. WHO WAS RESPONSIBLE?" you shout.

You hear a sound and wheel around. You are face-to-face with the answer. Geoge W. Bush.
You glare at him as you ready your weapon.
-------------------------------------------------------------

Aim: Aim for the incompetence. Can't you see? This war is KILLING US! Health 20
Aim for the Accent. Okay, okay, great... You're from Texas, now learn to speak properly! Health 7
Aim for the flying shoe. You watch as a spectator flings a shoe at him, and cant help but snicker. Health 35
Win: Change has come to America, at last.
Lose: I guess the end of the world isn't that bad....
Meat: 5 crap, 1 half-decent, 0 tasty.

Jungle = True
FailBoat = False




Forgot to add... Character name: Master of Ice Jamesb


 
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Chimental
 Sunday, December 06 2009 @ 06:54 PM UTC  
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*Crunch*

You blink at the loud noise. It came from beneath you. Looking down at your feet, you see a bunch of pale shards, scattered by your boot. Lifting up your boot, you see more of the pale shards, most of them sticking to your boot. You can't make out what it used to be. Shrugging, you scrape your boot on a nearby rock and continue through the jungle.

Okay, now you're starting to get nervous.

Over the past fifteen minutes, you've found many pale silhouettes, the same color as the shards on your boot. Each one is larger than the last, and each with a large split down the middle of the silhouette. You still can't make out what it is, but it looks like it has eight wriggly legs. You feel like you've seen these kind of legs befo-

You freeze as you hear a low growl from behind you. Slowly, you turn around to face the origin of the growl. Looking at the creature, standing at at least two meters, with sharp teeth, and eight burly limbs covered in fuzz, a thought races through your mind.

Those Spiderkitties can grow.

You have encountered Tigerantula which lunges at you with Lashing Limbs
Win: You make a vow to squish every Spiderkitty you see.
Lose: The creature bats you around like a dead mouse for a while before it prowls out, uninterested.

5 Crap, 2 Decent


I make the many models of a mutant individual. To make them I use vegetables, animals, and minerals. From robot bugs to zombie bears to many singing barnacles.
 
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XaNe
 Sunday, December 06 2009 @ 10:15 PM UTC  
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As you walk through the jungle, hoping whatever monster you run into isn't too terrible. A few moments after you start out, though, you run into a fellow contestant, done with his fighting for the day and heading for the outpost. Not interested in talking, you continue walking, the other contestant doing the same. Oddly, you both wind up in front of each other. You attempt to go to the left, he does as well, same for the right. You weave back and forth, trying to get past, muttering flat apologies. After a solid 5 minutes, you say "Oh Enough of this" and draw your weapon.

Other Contestant
Awkward movements

You knock the bastard on his ass and move on. You hate it when that happens...
No matter which way you turn, you just can't get past!

Jungle: True
Failboat: False

Pooka Xane


Some people see the glass as half full, some people see it as half empty, I just spit in the cup until it isn't a problem anymore.
 
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Genevieve
 Tuesday, December 08 2009 @ 03:29 PM UTC  
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Well, we have one for Stonehenge, The Jungle, the Pinata.... Why not for the innocent babbling brook?

You discover a small stream of faintly glowing water that babbles over round pure white stones. As you lean closer, you notice that some of the stones are wearing little wigs. This can only mean that the water is polluted with high levels of Improbability. Drinking this water may yield untold powers, or it may result in crippling disability. Do you wish to take a drink?

sick and tired of the dreadful power in the water, you decide to finally seek your revenge from when it changed your gender!


You have encountered Something Improbable! Which lunges at you with A Small Stream of Faintly Glowing Water!

Name: Something Improbable!

Weapon: A small stream of faintly glowing water


Player win: Having finally defeated the blasted thing, you find yourself ironically thirsty

Player lose: Well, it was going to send to the Boat eventually, anyway.

Jungle: True
Fail Boat: False

Created by: The Huntress Genevieve


 
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Genevieve
 Tuesday, December 08 2009 @ 03:38 PM UTC  
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As you walk through the dense jungles you hear a loud chattering somewhere to your left. You head deeper into the jungle to examine the sound when you discover a huge pack of Humans, wielding sporks and wearing frilly pink panties. They are chattering to one another loudly

"How do I get a chainsaw?" a man asks

"look at me! I can fly!" responds a woman, holding out her arms and making woosh noises, the others clap, impressed.

Confused, and slightly annoyed, you walk in "What the hell is going on here?" you ask, an eyebrow raised.

Slowly they all turn to look at you, your fancy weapon, your nice armor.

Suddenly they all rush towards you, screaming questions and performing utterly bizarre actions.

You draw your weapon and decide to teach them a few tricks.

You have encountered a gaggle of rookies! which lunges at you with ignorance!

Name: A gaggle of Rookies

Weapon: Ignorance

Player wins: After thoroughly schooling them, you feel you have done your good deed for the day

Player lose: Maybe you need a little more schooling

Jungle: true
Fail Boat: False

Created by: The Huntress Genevieve


 
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Genevieve
 Tuesday, December 08 2009 @ 04:11 PM UTC  
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(man, I am full of ideas today)

As you walk along a dusky Jungle path you notice a small trail of glitter. You begin to follow it, curious, but still wary. As the trail takes you deeper in the jungle you start to hear a few strange sounds. Giggling, squealing, and screams come from somewhere to your right. You move a few branches out of your field of vision and see a small group of girls holding down another contestant. They are covering him in baby oil and glitter. You step closer to get a better look, disgusted but still curious as to what is going on. You listen to the girls.

"We must make him look more like our Edward!" One exclaims.

"He is not shiny enough! Add more glitter!" Another shouts.

"He is still to warm! How do we make him colder?" Asks one.

The man spots you and groans "Heelp meeee" You step into the clearing a little too late as another girl exclaims "Oh yeah! Edward is dead!" and the proceed to beat the poor man to death. When they are done they finally notice you.

"You are not sparkly, like our Edward" the apparent leader of the group says to you. "You must SPARKLE!" She screams.

You barely have enough time to draw your weapon as they run at you with the glitter and oil.

You have encountered Twilight Fans, which lunge at you with Glitter and Oil

Name: Twilight Fans
Weapon: Glitter and Oil

Player Wins: You sigh with relief as the last one dies, whispering "Now I can be with my Edward!" You kick her again to shut her up.
Player Loses: One girl leans down and kisses your cold corpse, to know what it would be like to kiss Edward.

Jungle: True
Fail Boat: False

Created By: The Huntress Genevieve


 
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Chimental
 Tuesday, December 08 2009 @ 05:33 PM UTC  
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Posts: 371

^Genevieve = Full of Win.

Also, because I think no one submitted it yet.

You have encountered Rick Astley which lunges at you with Empty Promises.

Win: "Give it up, Astley!" You yell as you knock him out.
Lose: But....But he promised he would never hurt you. And now he's deserted you.

Jungle: Yes
Failboat: Yes

Will work on story later.

Created by: Chimental


I make the many models of a mutant individual. To make them I use vegetables, animals, and minerals. From robot bugs to zombie bears to many singing barnacles.
 
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