As you walk through the jungle so large, you come across a great big incredible barge. On the fantabulous barge of wonder and might, is a little old man with an even tinier light. You step up to him, curious as all get out, and ask, no you SHOUT! "Old man, old man, why do you stand here? Why do you not run from the beasts you should fear?" Then you begin to wonder, and wonder you should. "Whats with the rhyming? I didn't know I could!". Thats when you notice the man has a hat, not to mention he looks like a cat. You draw your weapon as others come into view, a wizzle, a wozzle, and an old crusty shoe! Beware, behold, befuddle and bemuse, you are fighting the Dread Dr Suess!

You have encountered Dr Suess who lunges at you with Whimsical Rhymes!

Targeted fighting:

Horton's who-12 HP. You try and you try to knock down the twit, but its too tiny, too small to ever be hit!

The Cat's Hat-24 HP. You lunge for the hat, it mocks you so, seeming to move away from your hits, to weave, to flow!

Four oddly colored fish- 45 HP One fish, red fish, two fish, dead fish.

You have beat him, that little old man! Always remember: you knew that you can!

You have been defeated, what a sad lot. The Failors drag you away, you miserable gibberskot.

Jungle-True
Failboat-true(with minor changes to the text, failboat for jungle)

-Xane

jackalope l
jabbawoke

As you enter a clearing you stumble across a dead asian guy wearing a suit and a black mask. 88 more of then are lying around, dead as well, and a blond lady wielding a katana standing over the pile of corpses. She looks at you and says "Where's Bill?".

"Who?!"

You don't have a idea of who this Bill guy should be and try to explain yourself, but the crazy lady lunges at you with that dangerous looking sword before you can say a word.

Name: Blond lady with a yellow jumpsuit
Weapon: a Hattori Hanzo katana

Player win: She looks dead, but you just know she is comming back to get you someday.
Player lose: She hits you with the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique and goes away.

Jungle: True
Failboat: True

Author: Jay Chaos.

Don't know if it's good but i would appreciate sugestions and opinions.

You come out of a particularly dense bit of jungle to be confronted with a normal wooden door.

as you reach for the handle a knock comes from the door with out thinking you ask, "who's there?"

a voice from the other side says, "Delivery."

at this you think it better to turn and leave then from the door another knock again you ask, "who's there?"

the voice answers,"Candy gram!"

oh you love candy you open the door and are attacked by...

A Land Shark wielding Biting Satire

Defeat: The last thing you hear before blacking out is an audience cheering and laughing.

Success: Its too bad you really liked that skit.

Island: True
Failboat: False

You walk to a clearing in the jungle. When you see a brick wall. As you approach it. The sky rapidly darkens. Wolves start howling. Rain starts pouring. Fangirls starts screaming fangirl-ishly.And the whole area gains a dramatic movie effect to it.

As you curiously approach the wall. You hear a familiar buzzing. And is that sobbing?Oh dear. You turn to see what's on the other side of the wall. And, as you expected. Appears a DArama llama.Crying and sobbing. Filled with rage and hate, Sitting to a computer that's not connected to anything. With a keyboard that has two extra red buttons: "Quit", "Rejoin".

First Your head fills with memories of friends making fake quittings. Making you depressed. Only to return on the next day.
Then Your head fills with rage. This must stop. You grasp your weapon firmly. And lung.



You have encountered DArama llama Which lungs at you with Cries of "I'm leaving DA forever"

Winning message:You convince the llama to keep the drama for a bit. Though you're sure that is not to last long.
Losing message:The llama wails as it pounds the keyboard's big red"Quit" button.

Jungle :True
Failboat:False

Omega.

DESCRIPTION:
As you stroll around, something seems wrong. Every second step you take you end up two steps behind you. Also, the scenery around you looks horrible and fuzzy. As you attempt to move you find yourself in the same spot.
Suddenly you realize what this is.

"Oh no, LAG!"


NAME:
Lag


Preferred level: Level 4


WEAPON:
Bad connection


Target 01: Aim for the Downloads. HP = 15
You see that some bastard has left Limewire open, and you struggle to click "Exit"

Target 02: Aim for the pr0n sites. HP = 10
Some pervert is downloading pr0n, TAKE IT DOWN!

Target 01 Defeat:
You finally hit the "Exit" button, and the connection seems more stable.
Target Damage: 10

Target 02 Defeat:
You hesitantly hit "Close" on the window. There goes your enjoyment for a month.


DEFEAT MESSAGE:
As you fall unconscious, you think you hear. "Your ping is too high"


VICTORY MESSAGE:
You stop the downloads, and the world returns to its normal state.


JUNGLE:
True


FAILBOAT:
True


AUTHOR:
Jamesb

While wandering through the jungle, you think what a beautiful day it is. "You know, Sunshine-" you begin to say, but you are interrupted by a sudden weight in your pocket. As you reach into your pocket to find the source of your distraction, your fingers meet a hard, smooth, unidentified lump of very heavy metal, which has apparently scratched up the lenses of your Peril Sensitive Sunglasses pretty badly. Angrily, you throw the lump of metal as hard as you can into the jungle. You are about to turn away and get on with your life when you hear the noise that trees make as they are shoved aside by a very small object becoming very large very quickly.

It can't be... incredulous, you turn to find yourself confronted with the monstrous hulk of the Heart of Gold. Now you know where Doktor Improbable got his idea!

NAME:
the Heart of Gold

Level: 3

WEAPON:
Improbability Drive Prototype

DEFEAT MESSAGE:
The Heart of Gold has transformed you into a very confused sperm whale

VICTORY MESSAGE:
The ship shudders and dies. As you jaunt away, a ship full of white robots comes to steal the original Drive from inside.

JUNGLE:
True

FAILBOAT:
False

AUTHOR:
Returning Contestant Valium

You come across a clearing containing a small tent, which seems to be snacking on the remains of a monster..
A few paces farther, and you are confronted with ***insert name here - use several people, the top 10-20***, one of the top contestants from last season!

You ask what they're doing way out here, instead of staying in the cozy Inn, only to be confronted with a bizarre and confusing insult and the unsheathing of a crudely constructed weapon.

Man, he was one of your favorites from last year too!

Fight!

weapon: Crudely constructed Cat Launcher

target 1: the loads of jewelry (minor attack increase when destroyed)
~you'll sell this jewelry back to Oliver later on.
target 2: the gigantic backpack (minor defense decrease when destroyed)
~you could fit so many grenades in here!
target 3: the enormous hat (enrages)
~Deimos won't be pleased.
target 4: the tent, attacking you from behind
~just canvas and blood.

Battle win Message: You finally stammer "So, can i have your autograph?"
Battle lose Message: This show gets worse every year
jungle: true
failboat: true

You hear the sound of gunfire from the trees before you, followed by the sound of lasers firing. You run through the trees to the scene of the battle, where a bunch of Humans, Kittymorphs, and Mutants are holding their own, entrenched and well defended. A lone silhouette--definitely non-humanoid--stands on the other side of the battlefield. Thinking to help, you try to find the lieutenant in charge of this battalion, but you are interrupted by a cry from the lone figure: "EX-TER-MIN-ATE!"

"Oh no."

NAME: a Dalek

WEAPON: cries of "EX-TER-MIN-ATE!"

LEVEL:
5

TARGET 1: (+1.00%)
eyestalk
HP: 10
"Aim for the eye!" you shout, knowing your allies will fail to do so.

TARGET 1 DEFEAT MESSAGE:
"MY VIS-ION IS NOT IM-PAIRED!" Well, so much for that.

VICTORY MESSAGE:
You manage to hightail it out of there, lesson learned. Pity the poor sods who stay behind.

DEFEAT MESSAGE:
In a brilliant flash of blue light, the poor sap next to you was exterminated. His heavy, lifeless body falls on top of you, knocking you unconscious.

AUTHOR:
Returning Contestant Valium

Monster name: Nothing
Lunges at you with: Nothing

Aim1: Aim for Nothing

Victory: Well that was stupid.
Loss: As you slip unconscious, you yell "What the hell?!"

Character name: Man of Many Talents Jamesb

You marvel on the beautiful day, the birds are singing, your stomach is full, the sky is-- WHUMP

When you come to you see the crate lying on the ground next to you, a bit of blood from your head on it's sharp-ish corners. You stand up shakily and clap excitedly
"Oh I am going to get so much Req!" you exclaim, practically giggling. When you get to the other side of the Crate you scream with anger and outrage as the crate is already open. You step back, aghast.
"What kind of jerk opens a crate that was clearly already claimed! That's my blood, innit!? That was my crate!" You yell at the world in general. The crate sits there. You look at it incredulously
"You are a jerk, crate. You are never around when I need you, and when I find you, I can't walk." You say to it, matter-of-factly. It continues to sit there. Soon you start to cry, upset at missing the opportunity to make a couple grand.
"I..*sniff*.. I HATE YOU!"

You run at it, weapon drawn.

You have encountered Crate! Which lunges at you with Failed Promises and False Hopes!

Monster Name: Crate
Weapon: Failed Promises and False Hopes

Victory Message: You pant over the pile of splinters and packing peanuts. You feel a tiny bit better
Failure Message: To add injury to insult, the inanimate crate somehow beats you.

Jungle: Yes
Fail Boat: No

MEEEAAAAT: none.

Suggested by: Pirate Queen Genevieve

You are getting tired. You know monsters have a tendency to swarm towards contestants who look like they're half-asleep... So you consider setting up camp, or doing something to raise your Stamina. Considering the night is still young, you decide to sit down and have something to eat. You cook up some tasty meat, it sizzles invitingly in the pan. It smells so good your mouth waters. As the meat finishes cooking, you stab a tender morsel on the end of your fork and realize with a growing horror... You're stuffed! You feel as though you can't possibly eat anything more today.

You have encountered Fullness which lunges at you with Debilitatingly Short Days

Monster Name: Fullness
Monster Weapon: Debilitatingly Short Days

Victory Message: You turn around and puke, emptying your stomach for more delicious food.
Failure Message: You try to eat the meat anyway, you choke on it.

Jungle: Yes
Fail Boat: No

MEEAAT: I think it would be hilarious if it yielded a few chunks of crap meat, considering you had to puke to win. Dunno. It would be funny. Otherwise, no.

Creator: Pirate Queen Genevieve

While walking through the Jungle, you suddenly stumble upon a jowly old man in a tweed jacket. He dumps a three-foot high pile of books into your arms and reminds you, “3000 words by Wednesday! Make sure you analyze the significance of the gender relationships in chapters six through ten with regard to the ambiguous historical context! Or, alternatively, compare and contrast the causes of the Peasants’ Revolt of 1524 with Zimbabwe’s diplomatic failures (or successes) in the Security Council!”

“But…” you stutter, “I’ve already graduat—”

“NO EXCUSES!” He screams, and shoves you into the library. “And make sure to use proper citation methods! We wouldn’t want to prosecute you for plagiarism!”


You have encountered Essay, which lunges at you with Procrastination!

Aim for the pretentious sentences: You slap that passive voice into next week.
Aim for the weak thesis: Aw, who needs a thesis anyway?
Aim for the poor research: Double points for using a microfiche!

Win: None of that’s going to be on the final, right? RIGHT?
Lose: That’s one bad paper-cut.

No specific monster to suggest here, just something I've been thinking about. In the jungle, you meet plenty of Midgets, and quite a few robots and zombies of various descriptions, even a few jokers. Not really any mutants, and no kittymorphs at all. So what about some of those?

The only one I've come up with though is a kittymorph Robin Hood, which could be quite fun, but I haven't managed to come up with a good write up. If anyone wants to take this up, then please feel free.

You wander the jungle, hoping to trip over some easy Requisition, when you hear a thunk, a scream and a splat coming from the beach. You rush over and duck just as a cannon ball flies over your head. Wait. A screaming cannon ball? You turn and see the remains of a fellow contestant splattered over the beach behind you. Looking out over the ocean, you can just see the Failboat on the horizon, guns at the ready. Another thunk, and you see a contestant propelled from the cannon. You duck, and wonder how you're going to fight this.

The Failboat lunges as you with Live Ammunition

Lose Message : The Failboat sails over to the shore to pick up more ammunition . . . you.
Win Message : You didn't beat it, it just ran out of contestants.

DESCRIPTION:
You freeze as a large...nay, a very, very large animal crashes toward you through the brush. Suddenly a sock appears, at an impressive height, followed immediately by an enormous pachyderm. Yes, it's an elephant wearing a sock on its trunk.

"Really? Really? This is all you could come up with?"

Its trumpet, though slightly muted, is still nearly enough to knock you over. You raise your weapon.

NAME:
Socktophant

WEAPON:
Stinky sock plus pointy tusks plus massive trampling

DEFEAT MESSAGE:
You killed an elephant! And a sock!

VICTORY MESSAGE:
You are skewered and trampled into the dirt. Who knew you had so much blood in you?.

JUNGLE:
True

FAILBOAT:
False

AUTHOR:
monsterzero

You've encountered Satanic Air Conditioner which lunges at you with Massive Amounts of Freon

Not really a suggestion, just me venting. The AC next door broke is now flooding my dorm.