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 Armoured Housefly
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Kash
 Tuesday, August 03 2010 @ 01:23 AM UTC (Read 8170 times)  
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I found one.

In real life.

I was working at the only corner market in town that actually pays me to stand behind their counter and take money from people, and I glanced down at the produce scale to see the biggest fly in the world. It was about half an inch long, big enough that I could distinguish individual lenses on its compound eyes. So I took the fly swatter - whap - and it kind of curled up like insects do when they are in various states of not conscious. I tried to sweep it off the scale and it got stuck in the crack between the scale and the counter, and then a customer came to check out so I left it there temporarily.

A couple minutes later when the customers were gone, I scooped the fly out of the crevice with the swatter and, guess what? It stood up on the edge of the counter, stretching its wings like it had just roused from a little afternoon nap. A little surprised, I whacked it again with the fly swatter and it fell on the floor, where it lay kicking its legs until I picked it up with a paper towel and crushed it to death mercifully. (I say "mercifully" because I would rather be crushed to death quickly than knocked unconscious repeatedly until I died of brain damage, but perhaps it is different for flies. I was at least trying to be merciful.)

Now, I'm usually pretty effective with a fly swatter, even a $1 bargain piece like the one I had at work. So it surprised me a little to see the fly survive two good swats and still be moving. But the real shock came when the REAL biggest fly in the world, a good three-quarters of an inch, landed on my scale!

I snatched up the swatter again, brought it slowly to bear (so as not to spook the fly) and brought it thundering down as the pitiable little beast sat rubbing his feet together. I had learned my lesson about going easy on these things, about going easy on them and such.

So, imagine my surprise when I lifted the swatter away to see the tiny monster staring at me completely unharmed with a look in his eyes of "GAH WHAT THE HECK I'M ONLY TRYING TO CLEAN MY TASTE BUDS" and maybe a little anger. I was almost too shocked to respond, but my killer instinct kicked in (just ahead of my damaged pride and self-confidence) and I gave him another good thwack to finish him off.

Once again, I lifted my weapon to find the stupid little thing just SITTING THERE.

With the third swing, at least, I managed to break one of his legs and bend a wing out of place. I took the moment in which he was dazed to sweep him into the floor and perform the mercy killing, but not before considering a dishonorable crushing-with-the-foot in its place.


 
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Chimental
 Tuesday, August 03 2010 @ 03:01 AM UTC  
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Gauromydas heros, a member of Mydidae, or Mydas Flies.

Two and a half inches long.

Four inch wingspan.

And from the looks of this picture: has teeth.

Never give the bio major a challenge. So help me, I'll bore you to death.


I make the many models of a mutant individual. To make them I use vegetables, animals, and minerals. From robot bugs to zombie bears to many singing barnacles.
 
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Kash
 Tuesday, August 03 2010 @ 04:07 AM UTC  
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OK FINE

"biggest housefly*" and "real biggest housefly*," if I could still edit that post.

Can't a guy use hyperbole around here?


 
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Reverb
 Tuesday, August 03 2010 @ 05:02 AM UTC  
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Um. Challenges. Sure. Find me the; biggest blood-feeding invertebrate, shortest vertebrate, shortest-living multicellular plant, aaaaannd... a Joker.


"Censure acquits the Raven, but pursues the Dove." "So, that means i'm -always- innocent, right?"
 
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Anonymous: Raimar
 Tuesday, August 03 2010 @ 06:10 AM UTC  


Quote by: Reverb

Um. Challenges. Sure. Find me the; biggest blood-feeding invertebrate, shortest vertebrate, shortest-living multicellular plant, aaaaannd... a Joker.



Found a Joker!

http://www.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=http://kalafudra.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/jack-nicholson_joker.jpg&imgrefurl=http://kalafudra.wordpress.com/category/comics/&usg=___QQkxKuLB-GfJ-F7SgRCx9NEIG8=&h=633&w=490&sz=108&hl=en&start=21&tbnid=pU32UEn-gTaa1M:&tbnh=137&tbnw=106&prev=/images%3Fq%3DJoker%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26rlz%3D1T4ACAW_enCA384CA384%26biw%3D1516%26bih%3D599%26tbs%3Disch:10%2C159&um=1&itbs=1&biw=1516&bih=599


Enjoy!


 
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Chimental
 Tuesday, August 03 2010 @ 12:14 PM UTC  
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Now Kash, I was just playing around. Wink

Oh and Reverb?



Haementeria ghilianii, the Great Amazon Leech, reaching a lovely 18 inches.



Pandaka pygmaea, the Dwarf Goby, reaching only half an inch.



Brassica rapa, Field Mustard, has a life cycle of about five weeks.



Heath Ledger, late Australian film actor, holding another Joker.


I make the many models of a mutant individual. To make them I use vegetables, animals, and minerals. From robot bugs to zombie bears to many singing barnacles.
 
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Ashtu
 Tuesday, August 03 2010 @ 02:04 PM UTC  
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Quote by: Chimental

Now Kash, I was just playing around. Wink

Oh and Reverb?

Haementeria ghilianii, the Great Amazon Leech, reaching a lovely 18 inches.
Pandaka pygmaea, the Dwarf Goby, reaching only half an inch.
Brassica rapa, Field Mustard, has a life cycle of about five weeks.
Heath Ledger, late Australian film actor, holding another Joker.

Chi, I don't know which is scarier:

a. That you answered Reverb at all.
b. That your answers appear to be factual.
c. That you found these answers so quickly.


Thank you.
 
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KimmyMonstah
 Tuesday, August 03 2010 @ 02:26 PM UTC  
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Quote by: Ashtu

Quote by: Chimental

Now Kash, I was just playing around. Wink

Oh and Reverb?

Haementeria ghilianii, the Great Amazon Leech, reaching a lovely 18 inches.
Pandaka pygmaea, the Dwarf Goby, reaching only half an inch.
Brassica rapa, Field Mustard, has a life cycle of about five weeks.
Heath Ledger, late Australian film actor, holding another Joker.

Chi, I don't know which is scarier:

a. That you answered Reverb at all.
b. That your answers appear to be factual.
c. That you found these answers so quickly.



Simply put, Chim is wise beyond his years.
Besides, there are a few members who are like....hundreds of years old, I'm sure.

I'M NOT JUST SAYING THIS CAUSE WE'RE BUDDIES. NOPE.


 
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Ashtu
 Tuesday, August 03 2010 @ 03:09 PM UTC  
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Quote by: KimmyMonstah

...... WE'RE BUDDIES.......

Now, THAT's scary.
oh, and not quite a hundred. yet. at least not this year.


Thank you.
 
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Mogar
 Wednesday, August 04 2010 @ 06:32 AM UTC  
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Sorry Chimental, the world's shortest/smallest vertebrate is the Paedocypris progenetica of the carp family. At less than a centimeter in length, it's a tiny bugger.


 
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Chimental
 Wednesday, August 04 2010 @ 12:03 PM UTC  
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Quote by: Mogar

Sorry Chimental, the world's shortest/smallest vertebrate is the Paedocypris progenetica of the carp family. At less than a centimeter in length, it's a tiny bugger.



Note to self: get newer editions of my books. The one saying the dwarf goby was a tad tattered.


I make the many models of a mutant individual. To make them I use vegetables, animals, and minerals. From robot bugs to zombie bears to many singing barnacles.
 
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KimmyMonstah
 Wednesday, August 04 2010 @ 03:39 PM UTC  
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Quote by: Ashtu

Quote by: KimmyMonstah

...... WE'RE BUDDIES.......

Now, THAT's scary.



You should see what we do in game with Bob and the Chimental.
Here's a hint:

I've been wanting to sneakily snake that in here.
ENJOY MY HORRIBLE HANDWRITING.


The scary thing is that that doodle is all kinds of WACKY TRUE.


 
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Ashtu
 Wednesday, August 04 2010 @ 03:40 PM UTC  
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Quote by: Chimental

Quote by: Mogar

Sorry Chimental, the world's shortest/smallest vertebrate is the Paedocypris progenetica of the carp family. At less than a centimeter in length, it's a tiny bugger.

Note to self: get newer editions of my books. The one saying the dwarf goby was a tad tattered.

You still use books? Real, honest-to-goodness paper books?


Thank you.
 
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Ashtu
 Wednesday, August 04 2010 @ 03:45 PM UTC  
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Quote by: KimmyMonstah

I've been wanting to sneakily snake that in here..

Pleased to have given you the opportunity. *grin*


Thank you.
 
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KimmyMonstah
 Wednesday, August 04 2010 @ 03:51 PM UTC  
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Quote by: Ashtu

Quote by: KimmyMonstah

I've been wanting to sneakily snake that in here..

Pleased to have given you the opportunity. *grin*


:> Oh why yes, thank you.

Bob and Chim need to actually do that in NewHome sometime.


 
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Chimental
 Wednesday, August 04 2010 @ 06:56 PM UTC  
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Quote by: Ashtu

Quote by: Chimental

Quote by: Mogar

Sorry Chimental, the world's shortest/smallest vertebrate is the Paedocypris progenetica of the carp family. At less than a centimeter in length, it's a tiny bugger.

Note to self: get newer editions of my books. The one saying the dwarf goby was a tad tattered.

You still use books? Real, honest-to-goodness paper books?



Yes, Leslie, books. Simply because, and this is a secret, that the internet is not always right.

That and I probably don't have enough memory on my computer to put my books online.


I make the many models of a mutant individual. To make them I use vegetables, animals, and minerals. From robot bugs to zombie bears to many singing barnacles.
 
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KimmyMonstah
 Wednesday, August 04 2010 @ 07:17 PM UTC  
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Quote by: Chimental

Simply because, and this is a secret, that the internet is not always right.



GASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSP.


 
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Anonymous: The Once-Wise Leslie
 Wednesday, August 04 2010 @ 08:53 PM UTC  


Quote by: Ashtu

You still use books? Real, honest-to-goodness paper books?

Sigh. This from a person with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves in every room of the house. And still has boxes of books stacked in the basement.


 
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Mogar
 Thursday, August 05 2010 @ 05:54 AM UTC  
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Quote by: Chimental

Quote by: Mogar

Sorry Chimental, the world's shortest/smallest vertebrate is the Paedocypris progenetica of the carp family. At less than a centimeter in length, it's a tiny bugger.



Note to self: get newer editions of my books. The one saying the dwarf goby was a tad tattered.



Well, definite props for using a book, and to be fair, I don't even think the teeny fish has a name other than its scientific one. And I guess it takes a bio major to prove a bio major wrong. But wait, there are lies on the internet? Surely not on the Enquirer, though... right?


 
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Cousjava
 Sunday, August 22 2010 @ 04:17 PM UTC  
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Quote by: The Once-Wise Leslie

Quote by: Ashtu

You still use books? Real, honest-to-goodness paper books?

Sigh. This from a person with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves in every room of the house. And still has boxes of books stacked in the basement.



We've got more books in our house than the town library.

The rule is this:

One can never have too many books, one can only have space for books.


A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a trombone; what else does a man need to be happy?
 
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